How to speak in a fast-paced group without being swallowed by the need to say something?

VMikeL · 2013-10-08T12:22:58+00:00

What it sounds like is you're trying too hard to be a part of the conversation. There is nothing wrong with just listening, and cutting in when they're done. Even if it's fast paced, you can interject, or start a smaller conversation. A conversation by the way (scientifically) is 4 people. Once you exceed that, it begins breaking off into multiple groups. You can use this to your advantage. Are you the 5th person? Split into a 2, let the 3 have their fast paced conversation.

Back to your point, you need to relax. What value does interjecting some random, awkward statement, and laughing by yourself give? Stay cool, wait for your cue.

By the way this isn't really a /r/seduction question, it's more /r/socialskills .

recyclablebantha · 2013-10-08T13:32:18+00:00

I do that kind of thing where you say something really fast and chuckle at it and look around to see others' reactions..... It's hard to stay in the conversation without really pressing to get something in edgewise and when I do it's kind of silly or needy sounding.

You don't need to work so hard. Work smarter. A lot of people speak fast. Few people LISTEN. If you listen and really observe the conversation, you'll get more out of it. It's not effective to pound your way into a conversation.

If people are "dominating" the conversation, devote yourself to listening and truly taking in what is said. This puts you in a far better position to say a few things for maximum impact and insight during natural lulls in the conversation. This will stand out from the others, who are pounding away at the conversation, probably without as much thought. Key: When people are talking, your mind should be devoted NOT to what you want to say, but to what THEY are saying.

If you can pull this kind of attentiveness off, you'll become the kind of person who ends up directing the whole conversation with a comment here or there...... it'll feel more like holding court than a verbal mosh pit.

I know this is needy, but how do I prevent it?

Focus on listening.
Remind yourself of how impotent it has been for you to do this. (Do you like feeling so silly or needy? Then cut it out and try something different!)

Jessie_James · 2013-10-08T15:19:30+00:00

Decide on something clever to say.
In a normal voice and normal pace, say it, even if people are talking over you.
Do nothing.
When people ask "What did you say?" reply with "Too late, you missed it, maybe next time."

After you do this a few time, and again assuming what you say is smart, people will start to pay attention and stop when YOU talk because they know you're saying something of high quality. It's a very interesting phenomenon.

Title	How to speak in a fast-paced group without being swallowed by the need to say something?
Author	ImpKirk
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	October 8, 2013 11:17 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nz6o5/how_to_speak_in_a_fastpaced_group_without_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-speak-in-a-fast-paced-group-without-being.1359600 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359600

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