Putting Her On A Pedestal

exhibitionistcouplez · 2013-11-24T23:46:06+00:00

Good fucking God dude, women are not pets whose bad behavior you "correct"

The problem here isn't that you didn't chastise your live-in girlfriend enough. The problem here is that you moved in with some random chick who you quite obviously did not know a damn thing about and were surprised when this person turned out to be a leech.

It's not that your actions lowered your value to her. It sounds alot more like your lack of perception raised your value to her, she was a manipulator and a leech and you weren't able to spot these things or were willing to live in denial about them if she acted like she really liked you and was pretty for you or some shit.

You're sitting here acting like your big problem is that you weren't "alpha" enough which implies that this was just a normal, average girl. If she was lazing around your house refusing to do anything for her own life, this wasn't the average girl. This was a leech. A special case who latched on to you because you put up with her shit.

Why? Lack of self respect. I read your words and I see this big bullshit bravado "I am the man in my house" image and you talking about blowing up and beating the crap out of people compared to a verbal slap, and I see someone who does not feel like he has internal authority over himself or anyone else and thus seeks to exercise and demonstrate his authority externally.

If faced with a woman who wanted to leech, my response would be "I am not going to let someone do this to me" and yours is "I am going to stop you"

Mine is healthy. An internal focus on altering my behavior. Yours is unhealthy. An external focus on altering other's behavior. You can't change other people's behavior. Not unless you're dealing with someone who will tolerate authoritarian behaviors from you because they themselves are broken.

You don't treat women as people, either, which means that the best women are by default closed off to you. The ones who genuinely care about you, the ones who will invest in and love you just as much as you do or more. The ones who aren't unintelligent or broken.

You're stuck with the shallow end of the dating pool because you yourself are shallow. Because you do not look at a woman as a person to get to know, you don't meet or end up with women who are going to put that kind of effort into you, and apparently who won't put that effort into much else either.

Everything about the way you approach dating is setting you up for failure. It's not bad behavior that needs to be corrected like spraying bitter apple on a dog's nose. It's insights into her character at a person that are all fucking bad!

And yeah, you are putting women on a pedestal, but not the way you think. You are acting like this person who put no work into her life is pretty standard. You treated her like she was a better person than she was. Like she was someone you should want to date at all.

Now, maybe she was broken. You didn't bring that up. Maybe the problem is that you latched onto a girl who was busted up and needed therapy and wasn't getting it, and you had unrealistic expectations and she really shouldn't have been in a relationship with anyone until she dealt with some of her own shit.

If that's not the case, you got latched onto by an exploiter. And yeah, there are plenty of people out there like that, guys and girls.

And if you had an exploiter, I'd be willing to bet a pretty decent chunk of what I'm worth that she picked you out. That she saw a guy with a lack of self respect who would deal with her shit longer than normal people would. I'm wondering what this relationship was like. Did you not wait to see evidence of life progress before you moved in? Dating is an interview process, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone for a while, six months or a year or more and see how they handle their own life independent of you before you move in and start combining lives.

You're obviously immature. That's not an insult. It's just mutable fact.

Maybe talk to the next girl. Evaluate her the way you would a friend in addition to your normal whatever girlfriend evaluations. Would you hang out with someone who was useless? Who just hung out and played games all day or something? If you're an adult, do you enjoy surrounding yourself with people who are grown spoiled lazy brats?

You seem to have moved in with one, so if that's the case, how the hell did you let that event happen? Why is this not "I chose really, really wrong and she lied to me alot" and instead is "when women do this, what's the best way to handle it?" like this is not your first ride on the manipulative ltr bus?

HelloHiHello · 2013-11-24T21:08:30+00:00

Great post, punishing bad behavior and intermittently rewarding good behavior is a very, very, very important concept. It's how you get your ideal relationship(s).

Dealing with bad behavior can be as simple as calling it out and talking about it. However, sometimes a girl is not open to that, and "calling it out" simply leads to more arguing, and more drama.

In this case, it's VERY important you realize that continuing to argue and fight with a girl is a REWARD. Women love attention, and to continue giving them attention in such a focused manner is basically as good as you giving her what you would view as "positive" attention.

So there is no difference between positive and negative attention – both are rewards. (see how this relates to you viewing yourself as the prize? You are the prize... you need no punishment other than withdrawing your own attention)

So when things get heated, remember... IGNORE her, instead of giving her more attention. If things are really bad, simply leave the area.

This is why getting into a monogamous relationship puts a man at a disadvantage. Yes, it's not always the case that a "disadvantage" matters... especially at the first part of a relationship, when things are going great.

However, after 6 months - 2 years, expect that you will most likely receive a little drama. How you handle this determines where things go next. In monogamy, your options for handling it are crippled, because you're obligated to return to her. This is accented HUGELY if you're living with a girl or, god forbid, married to her (this is why sexless marriages happen, and yes, they are incredibly common).

Handle bad behavior through withdrawing your attention. Handle good behavior through rewarding through attention, affection, and sex. It's not easy, especially at first. But once you get it down, you can create relationships that most people can't even imagine DREAMING about.

Title	Putting Her On A Pedestal
Author	touch0ph
Upvotes	13
Comments	18
Date	November 24, 2013 4:55 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rct4y/putting_her_on_a_pedestal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/putting-her-on-a-pedestal.1362041 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362041

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