Here I am back almost exactly 30 days after my first FR daygame cold approach EVER. It's been a good 30 days of applying:

  • Talk To Everyone
  • Touch Everyone
  • Ideas from Nick Sparks 21 convention talks
  • Mark Manson's book + approach/dating online courses.
  • A lot of "philosophy" from RSD videos and the occasional FRs I read up on there

I grew up extremely introverted, with plenty of social anxiety, and taking the time to slowly build up my confidence has so far done me a great service. While I'm not even close to having crushed AA, I have started to consistently talk to strangers and women wherever I go, leading to occasional #-closes like last night at a bus station and this morning on the commuter train. I'm starting to appreciate momentum and how different it feels to be in a bit of state. I'm slooowly starting to understand the expression "it becomes weird NOT to approach".

I've been posting here a lot recently, and it made me worried of becoming yet another "armchair Casanova". Having been of a boatload of dates in the past two weeks with women I didn't find attractive, I finally decided to shut down my OKC account to eliminate all excuses to really go all in with game. I was getting dates, but not even close to the quality of women I want to be around.

It was time to work on one of my biggest phobias that I've been avoiding for many years: clubs. The combination of social anxiety, disliking the music, being a shitty dancer and not having friends in the scene had always made me think of clubs as the final boss level of social ineptitude. It took me a good week or so of convincing myself to go through with it, cold hands shaking for anxiety, discomfort, not being able to fall asleep. I knew I had to persevere though. There's no growth in the comfort zone.

I got in touch with a few folks here in the pickup community, knowing that peer pressure would prevent me from pussying out of it, and we decide to hit a club together. As per recommendation, I wanted to find a few experienced practitioners and see if I could learn a thing or two from them in the field. My goal was to be fun, shut up, get out of the way, smile and not cockblock anybody while still learning as much as I could. Now, keep in mind I know absolutely nothing about club game. Total zilch. It's akin to giving a martian a baseball bat, putting him the middle of the field and telling him to go win the game for his team. You get the idea.

It's pouring here in SF and we're headed to a club at 10. On the way to meeting a new friend from a local "lair", I talk to as many people as I can, asking for directions etc, bitching about the weather yada yada just to get the juices flowing. We get to the club, chat it up with a few girls in line. I look like I just took a shower (aka, like shit), but I don't let that deter me. Turns out 90% of the crowd is Asian, which is basically Paradise on Earth for someone like me who's dated only Asian women for the past 8 years. Not only that, but it turns out women in clubs are fucking HOT. In daygame you run into a cute girl here and there, but the hot-girl-per-sqft density was at a whole new level here. The quantity of tight, sinuous, gratuitously inviting curves you see in a club is a sight to be revered. The goods are out on generous display. It felt comforting and inspiring abundance. I can get used to this.

We meet up with some of the more experienced crew, and I immediately sense the positive high-state energy emanating from these people, pretty much what you read about seasoned PUAs. What's even cooler is that for the first time I get to see these people in action. This is suddenly no longer a videotaped FR on Youtube, this is a very real fleshy human being, jumping left and right, getting smiles and hugs from gorgeous women, striking up conversations, jumping on the dance floor, pulling girls into a close embrace, letting go, twirling them etc. It's one thing to read about it, it's another to see this in person, very inspiring, something tangible to work towards. What's also interesting is that the whole crew was perfectly sober the entire night (or perhaps at least the first 2h), intentionally. Not being a drinker, and not wanting to cheat AA, I could appreciate that.

Back to me. I don't like the idea of sitting on the sidelines with the rest of the beginners, I want to get into the thick of it. I jump straight onto the dance floor and start to get down, trying to get into the environment as much as possible, absorb positive energy. As I'm there, I realize that I enjoy beying around these random people, I enjoy dancing for the sake of dancing, I enjoy the music and the vibe. Even if I don't open anybody, at the very least I'll be comfortable with just doing my own thing on the dance floor for a while. Regardless, I try to see if I can figure out the dance floor approach fomula on my own. I start dancing with small groups of girls here and there, but most of them will turn their backs to me pretty fast. Ok, dancing "next to them" is not really working. I chat it up with a bunch of dudes on the sidelines, seems like most of them are terrified and don't want to go in, ok. I try to chat with some of the girls dancing by themselves on the sidelines, but they're either not attractive or they dismiss me, alrighty then. I try to see if I can pull someone on the floor closer to me, but seems like I only find couples. Yes, yes I know, but bear with me as a beginner :P I do the above for a couple of hours, then decide to check out as I'm not getting that much value out of the experience any longer: the practice has caught up pretty fast with the theory (or complete lack thereof).

Random thoughts:

  • Close to 80% of the crowd looked like a mix of couples, groups of dudes, and occasional small pockets of girls. Plenty of people making out, which I initially assume are couples, but people assure me that most are random strangers meeting there that night. Cool, good to know.
  • This was fun. I was really concerned that I'd hate it, but upon leaving I was actually looking forward to the next time, despite the fact that nothing really happend. I guess in part the satisfaction was from having become more congruent with the man I want to be.
  • The girls in clubs are so cute it almost hurts, no wonder you guys go out all the time :P
  • There seems to be unlimited anonimity in a club. You can crash and burn over and over and nobody will ever care. Seems like an endless playground to test ideas in. Wonder how hard you can go before someone's boyfriend punches you :)

Questions for you guys:

  • Apparently, outside of inner game, most of what I know is not really applicable to the club context. It seems like this is an art unto itself and you need to know a basic set of rules of this game to be able to play effectively. Any tips on where to get started here?
  • I suspect that the fomula for dance floor is: dance -> see cute girl -> pull her away from her friends -> start dancing with her -> escalate -> make out -> pull her out and start talking / #-closing / trying a pull.
  • When people say "inner game is great, but the real work is done in the field", does that refer to basically figuring out the rules above and then the logistics?
  • Speaking of logistics, I live in a suburb, nowhere close to where I can go out (which is in the city), so my logistics are inherently bad. Is it reasonable to aim for #s for the time being?
  • Is there an easy way of dealing with potential couples? It's really hard to tell who's with whom when everybody's crammed together dancing, and I don't know if pulling someone gf from right under their nose is considered rude :)
  • Being sober while in the field seems like a good idea, any thoughts?
  • Is there any kind of age stigma in clubs? The crowd felt pretty young, I don't know if being on average 4-8 years older than them is a big barrier to entry. It felt that way in my head, but then I don't know any better.

Thanks for reading!