How to end the cycle of narcissism and obsession of one's own looks? (Affecting confidence)

2014-02-12T13:28:50+00:00

For me, I look at other guys with hot girlfriends, and think well, some of the guys are good looking and some aren't. Some it's almost tempting to ask the girl if she is ok in the head. But then I realise looks aren't first on their mind. Dress well and be a fun guy, and keep the grooming up, and that basically is good looks anyway. Try insane levels of eye contact with everyone you meet, and say whatever comes into your head. I did this the other day with 2 girls I served at work the other day. I would say they were really hot (fake tits, dressed for clubbing, full make up etc) but they looked bitchy, as in flicking their hair, looking down at everyone else with a veiled look that was basically a dismissive attitude of disgust towards most people there including me. I'm not amazing looking to start with, just 'mid range' which most guys are. I kept eye contact and used a confident voice with any question or statement I had to use, and their attitude towards me subtly changed by the end of the transaction. The 'power' they thought they had had shifted away from them. Exactly what you have to do before a girl can 'want' you. Even if I was physically extremely hot I would have had to do this as well. I wasn't interested in them at all, they were basically club bitches, but I used it as practise for how I want to act all the time.

Hope that makes some sense.

Tombstone31 · 2014-02-12T16:52:51+00:00

I can sympathize with this. I build a lot of my ego on my looks, and that makes me scared to approach - if I get shot down, then I'm not as hot as I think, and my ego will be bruised. I've found a couple of solutions. First, your looks are not who you are, they are a tool. They have no value in themselves, and it doesn't matter how good looking you are if a less good looking guy is banging more/higher quality girls. Second, girls have weird tastes. Some girls like tattoos, some like hipsters, some like body builders, some like prep stars. Talk to any woman and you'll find some certified Hollywood heartthrob that they just don't find appealing. Women have tastes, just like guys, so getting rejected based on looks doesn't automatically mean you're not attractive. Third (and this is the most helpful for me), redirect the basis of your self esteem away from your looks and towards your ability to smoothly approach women. Being able to open a group of hotties whenever you want feels really good, and it's not necessarily a reflection of your appearance. Finally, in a sense, you have a duty to your friends and wingmen to be the main approacher. Given equal amounts of experience, you'll be better at opening than your less attractive friends, but this can serve them really well if they learn to win over girls with their personalities. Taking that burden upon myself makes it easier for me to approach, for some reason - it becomes less about my ego and more about being a good wingman.

HappyJerk · 2014-02-12T15:37:48+00:00

First of all, the reason you obsess over your looks so much is probably because you have nothing else going on. That's why attractive people are often the most insecure - they think attractiveness is going to be their golden ticket in life, and then they invest too much in being attractive, and then their constantly paranoid they will lose their golden ticket. Your solution? Find some cool hobbies, do something artistic, read some books ... basically become an interesting person.

Also, the hardest thing about PUA is understanding that men and women are just different. Women just don't care about looks the same way men do. It sucks to say, but for most men a women's looks are about 90% of the attraction. But for women its just different. A woman will turn down Brad Pitt for a guy that really turns her on.

Tumble85 · 2014-02-13T00:44:14+00:00

Women will always like attractive men. Sometimes the guys they like will be VERY conventionally attractive, and that can kind of fuck with your head.

However, women aren't as vain as men are. They want to laugh, experience some new things in life, and basically be attached to people that can offer those things.

When you just hook up with a girl who is conventionally hot, it's kind of a conquest and no lie, it feels good. But when you realize that the best experiences you've had with girls are actual EXPERIENCES, you can start to understand the mindset of how women experience attraction.

An awesome few dates and sexy-time with a girl you think is cute will blow your mind far more than plain old sex with a girl you think is "hot".

Everybody is their own worst critic; remember that the best times you will ever have with another person are when they are your BEST critic; they want to have fun with you, they want to see new sites, and they want YOU beyond your looks.

Don't fret; most women out there are awesome people and so long as you're busting butt to improve yourself and be more fun, it's never going to be looks that throw them off, it will be something else way more controllable.

2014-02-12T13:46:40+00:00

Like the other comment says, looks are only marginally important. Being handsome will make it easier, but it is not a necessity. Though, truth be told, if you take care of your hair, body, and how you dress, you'll be better than most guys.

Try approaching people even when you're at your worse. If anything, it will give you perspective on how unimportant looking amazing is.

Something else you can try to "end the cycle of narcissism" is to hang out with people you know are physically much better than you. You might feel shy, or lowly, but remember the tenant of seduction - confidence. Sure, these people might look better than you, but are they smarter, funnier, more interesting? I doubt it. You will possess traits that they envy too.

Getting over obsessing of one's looks is hard. Remember, though, the most important thing is being in control and being confident.

FlashGordonn · 2014-02-13T00:13:10+00:00

Just take care of your basics: not dressing like a slob, showering, grooming. The rest is just an excuse - plus you're probably overestimating how other people judge your looks (spotlight effect)

Title	How to end the cycle of narcissism and obsession of one's own looks? (Affecting confidence)
Author	acethacreator
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	February 12, 2014 1:03 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1xpdn4/how_to_end_the_cycle_of_narcissism_and_obsession/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-end-the-cycle-of-narcissism-and-obsession.1365905 https://theredarchive.com/post/1365905

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