So in Thursdays, I have a 5 hour gap between lectures. I live well off campus and I wasn't in the mood to study. I'm never in the mood, but that's beside the point. Having read The Game and Wayne Ellis's eBook over the past couple of weeks, I decided to go out and talk to some women. Or at least try to.

I opted for the art gallery in town. It's free, quite big and it's been a while since I've been so I thought; why the hell not. I dig the whole arty, bohemian look on women so what better place to meet some than there? I should probably have realised before I walked in that the place would be full not of beret-clad, easel clutching HBs, but of men and women well into retirement. Not put off, I walked round the exhibits in search of someone suitable.

And there she was. Probably not above 6 in most of your opinions, but a damn sight more appropriate than the alternatives wearing dentures. I could see her in the next room, so I walked through the doors and started to look at the paintings while moving in the opposite direction to her, the thinking being that we'd end up looking at the same picture and I could just open her naturally. The first part worked like a dream; we both ended up admiring a late 19th century representation of the battle of Trafalgar. Probably a HotPainting 9 if you're into that kinda thing. All that was left now was to open, made rather difficult by my heart threatening to break my ribs. So here's how it went:

Me: So t-

Yep. That's it. I turned round to see she had moved on. My careful planning all gone to pot. Not put off, I followed her into the next room and did the same circling manoeuvre so as to end up next to her again. But I bottled it. Yes. I pussied out. I'm not normally a nervous guy, would describe myself as a good communicator and friendly. But in that moment it just wasn't happening. I hadn't spoken to anyone for the past hour or so and so was well out of state which in retrospect is probably something I should have taken care of before.

But it wasn't over just yet. I hadn't made a complete fool of myself as I had imagined I would, so I convinced myself to try again with someone else. Anyone else really; walking stick in hand if necessary. I wasn't going to let myself leave without having spoken to at least one person. Onto the next room it was.

I ended up in a hall with these huge, modern tapestries depicting modern life in Britain. I found myself standing in front of a piece depicting a family at dinner time. It was some pretty crazy shit. Food flying everywhere, the dog on the table, parents on their phones while serving up what looked like shit to their two horrible looking children. Whoever wove the tapestry did a good job of confusing the hell out of me and probably anyone else there, but wait. Who is this? A woman standing next to me. Probably about 30ish. Ring? Can't see. Rating? Wearing a hat dammit. Fuck it. This was my chance:

Me: So which one are you? Her: Oh, what do you mean? Me: Like in the family, pretty crazy huh? Her: Ooh, I get you. Well I'm just taking it all in. I actually prefer the other ones because they have less going on in them.

-pause-

Me: (Thinking, "I have no idea what to say") It's such a busy piece, such a story...

-silence-

Me: Well they could do with feeding the dog anyway (making reference to the dog that looked more like a skeleton. I smiled and chuckled a little while walking away, I'm pretty sure she smiled too).

No, I didn't get her number. No, I didn't even talk to her for more than thirty seconds. And yes, I blushed like a little girl afterwards because I felt like such a failure. At least I made the effort. It was game over because that was the last exhibit but oh well, there's always next week.

When I walked outside, it was tipping it down with rain so pulled up to get my umbrella out. Lo and behold, HB6 is stood there looking at me- whether out of courtesy or what I will never know. I'll never know because I didn't fucking say anything. It was even in my head, "So what did you think?" The perfect opener, but for whatever reason that's exactly where it stayed. In my head. Damn.

So I'm back at university typing this up and wondering where I went wrong. Obviously not having the balls to say something on three occasions is one, but with regards to the 30 something in the hat I think I learnt something. Wayne Ellis always goes on about asking open questions, and I think a better one would have been "Have you got any idea what's going on in this picture?" More scope for discussion and more scope for expansion.

What do you guys think? Any suggestions? It doesn't have to be about anything I've said in particular, any advice in general about making the best of a situation would be absolutely grand. I'm sorry I've rambled, my wisdom teeth have been keeping me form sleeping well recently and I have absolutely no idea if this makes sense. I'm sure you're all intelligent enough to decipher it.

With love, M.