I was reading the thread about 'needy love' and I was reminded about a girl I fell badly for for no reason other than desperation and not knowing a thing from this sub. I realised I haven't really given her a thought for months now, so for anyone concerned, just improve your life and it will pass!

It was a year ago almost to the day, she messaged me on facebook out of the blue saying she saw me at work all the time and wanted to meet me. Honestly a bit strange or creepy, looking back! At least if a guy said the same everyone here would facepalm, surely.. Anyway, I did meet her, she was ridiculously hot, and old me who hadn't got laid in 6-12+ months had no choice but to consider this a 'make or break situation'. Because yeah, at that point, having sex with such a hot girl was all I wanted but knew couldn't really happen because I was such a sad case... or in this case, maybe it could? Even though she seemed to act like she was completely smitten by me, I gathered over time that it's what she does. She fixates on a random guy, meets them, uses them for a while, and then pulls back when the guy invests to anywhere near what it seems she has. We had the best sex I've ever had, on a few occasions, before she suddenly stopped talking to me and had a random boyfriend from another state. In my mental state it was kind of painful seeing them walk down the street having just come back from the airport together every weekend (she lived on the same road as me so sometimes this was unavoidable), when just a week beforehand she was saying how much she'd love to catch up again but she just didn't have the time right now. I almost became 'that creepy guy', on several occasions almost turning up at her doorstep to 'find out' what was 'going on'. If that happened now, I'd just shake my head and move on. I had projected everything I wanted her to be onto her, and then it seemed like she was acting 'out of character' or 'playing games'. That's not true, she just wasn't becoming what I wanted. I didn't really even know her. All I even know now is she is kind of sweet, harmless, but really quite odd overall. She'd be the sort that true alpha males pick up in a club, fuck, and never call or speak to again. Simply because, they could get what they want without investing anything. I did it anyway because it was all I knew.

Truth be told, I haven't been with many girls in the last year, but having constantly tried to internalise the teachings of seddit, and actually improve various aspects of my life, I find a lot more girls are friendly, and I have a few kinda-friends who are attractive females. Unthinkable a year or 2 ago! Things are starting to snowball positively as I settle into my new town and new place, so even though it's also turning to winter shortly, it should be a good winter. I also don't fully care or obsess over sex any more, it would be nice, but I actually don't read this sub much any more, nor obsess about any particular girl liking me or not.

Improvements I have made since those tough times which may help you out:

Nofap - lots of short streaks, now on 23 days or so with no expectation of a relapse. This is the most important factor lately, I always convinced myself it was 'broscience' or a placebo, but either way, it works almost like a drug once you actually do it and take it seriously! If you have any anxiety issues or problems focussing on goals, you MUST do this, because it's actually what's holding your entire life back whether you want to admit it or not. There are ups and downs, but simply being able to look a girl in the eye and talk and joke, without shitting yourself with nervousness, it seemed unimaginable back then, but now that's me a fair bit of the time!

Exercise - Gym. Learn about stronglifts or starting strength, and proper eating. If you're a fat nerd or a skinny nerd, it doesn't matter. You will feel better, look much better, have much more confidence, and start to consider yourself seriously on par with any other 'good looking' or 'hot' (both subjective anyway) guys out there. You look at yourself in the mirror and see features that you know girls generally like (growing biceps, delts, etc), so you start to see yourself as attractive. Again, it's all very subjective, but since half of picking up is confidence, and once you know you're 'attractive enough' then you aren't second guessing every reaction with a girl, you can just do the age old mantra of 'be yourself'. The non awkward self that can talk to a girl for the sake of having fun, not thinking you have to make her like you because she's the only one who spoke to you this week. It's not about becoming obsessed with self image, in fact it's the opposite. You start thinking like 'I am a male, she is a female' and you act accordingly.

Passions - This is my personal struggle. You have to somehow figure out what you're willing to put a lot of time, energy, and passion into, other than reading this forum, playing video games, working, or jerking to porn. I am not a creative person, but for a lot of people it is a creative pursuit like guitar, painting, underwater basket weaving, whatever. Someday I'll figure out what mine is. I am waiting on some parts for a desktop PC, and I'm going to give a serious go at making electronic music, because I don't like going to clubs very much or have the money, but I do listen to minimal techno a LOT, so it only makes sense to put something into it, rather than just listen to other artists. Basically, you need something to channel your time, energy and frustration into, which is halfway constructive, rather than destructive to your health or social skills such as porn or hookers or internet browsing.

Moving house - This may not apply to anyone, but I lived at my mother's house, at the age of 27. I hadn't always, but I had gradually felt my independance and drive slipping away, even though I hated listening to my mother. She's a controlling person, and while I won't be nasty about it, I have to say it's a very negative influence on personal growth and development to live with someone like that. I feel in control and massively independant, I can do what the hell I want in my own space now.

Dating sites - Keep away from dating sites if you aren't having much luck in real life. Stuff like tinder can become almost like porn, flicking through hundreds of hot girls, when your chances of picking them up are completely different to real life and you can't learn a thing about social stuff like body language, approach anxiety, so on. I met a few girls from tinder but overall I wasn't quite interesting enough and have no game, so it was mostly what I'd call average or issues-ridden girls. I learned a bit and had a little bit of sex, still kinda text buddies with one or 2, but overall I think it's best kept away from. If you have the spare time to waste on it, you should be wasting it on real improvements. Mostly you're going to get crazy cat ladies, ugly girls, or girls with careers where they don't meet any guys (such as teachers or child care workers), which is another indication that they are actually pretty boring themselves outside work if they can't meet anyone - it shouldn't be that hard for them!

And the last point. Get. Off. Seddit. I used to read pages and pages of this forum for hours on end. I thought I'd find an identical situation to my own. Posting anxiety ridden threads because I didn't have any real outlet for what was going on. If I just know the right line, or text this girl with a particular thing, she'll magically have some switch forced in her brain and be round and my place begging to see me. The answers don't lie here, they lie in real life experiences. You have to experience different situations and yes, get shot down pretty often, which is harsh and painful at first. When you're actively approaching girls and then running into identifiable walls, maybe it's worth posting here. But 'help this girl doesn't like me' - stop the threads and thoughts like that before they start, there is no solution to the scenario, improve yourself and move on.