Cost vs benefits

RandianHero · 2014-05-06T06:35:22+00:00

Avoid neediness. Be self-reliant.
Stop making a big deal out of everything. Virtually every problem in a relationship is only an issue if you make it one.
Avoid going on pointless crusades out of "principle" or whatever. Nobody truly gives a fuck about your point of view but you.
Most arguments are extraordinarily stupid when viewed through an objective lens. That's not to say you shouldn't stand up for yourself or discuss things that are genuine issues, but I guarantee you that most of what people think are legitimate issues are just petty bullshit.
Give fewer fucks in general and just chill out. Be relaxed and cool at all times. When in doubt, err on the side of stoicism rather than flying off the handle over nothing.
Avoid saddling the other person with your bullshit issues. Your girlfriend is not your therapist.
Don't put labels on things. It's unnecessary. Ride the "just having fun" or "friends with benefits" trains for as long as possible until she wants to define things. It's pretty much inevitable, so if you want a relationship, just wait it out. It'll happen on its own without you having to rush things.
Listen to her and offer input if she asks for it, but don't get more involved than necessary. She'll want to vent to you. This is normal. But don't try to fix her problems or give her directions. Just let things play out. She's a grown-up, she can handle it.
Your job is to lead. Hers is to follow. This is a huge responsibility on your part, as the first rule of any leadership position is to care for those following you. So don't fuck it up by acting like a tyrant, and don't be a whiny pushover who needs her to make decisions for you.
Invest only as much as you get back. If she's head over heels for you, it's fine to reciprocate. But if she's keeping it casual and you're completely smitten, you need to take a step back and knock it the fuck off.

PntMadMan5445 · 2014-05-06T06:11:11+00:00

you do not need to go harder. since you seemingly know how to establish a base relationship with someone, i think all you need to do is relax, be yourself and ask the person if they would like to "do this again".

puaCurveBall · 2014-05-06T08:47:06+00:00

I can never maintain a relationship longer than a month or so. I haven't fix the core issue of neediness and self worth.

Fixing your core issues are a worthwhile goal, and in my opinion more important than even maintaining relationships longer than a month.

However, fixing them are not necessary in order to maintain these relationships. People with tons of neediness and shitty inner game maintain relationships of several years all the time.

I think you need to focus on communication. Even with your current issues, you should be able to maintain longer relationships with good communication, no problem.

It sounds like you are either outright hiding things, or at least not communicating them well with women, and after a month of figuring out you aren't going to get better with communication, they leave.

Maybe you feel like you can't communicate / connect with them because you have all these issues, and your fear that they'll reject the "real you" causes you to be distant, which pushes them away. Or maybe something else.

Regardless of what it is, I'm sure better communication will help things along, so you can maintain your relationships for longer WHILE you are figuring the rest of your inner game issues out.

Title	Cost vs benefits
Author	coyo37
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	May 6, 2014 5:58 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/24udjl/cost_vs_benefits/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cost-vs-benefits.1370358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1370358

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