Throwaway acc.

Anyways, I'm a 18 yr old male. When I was younger I used to be fat/acne/socially awkward. I've spent the past couple of years changing myself a lot.

I got into bodybuilding/fitness and have become pretty swole, I managed to clear up my skin and become sociable to a degree (I can make friends with guys pretty easily).

But I have no idea how to really interact comes to women. I grew up in a household with a drunk chauvinistic dad who would abuse us and beat my mom (His own mother left him when he was a baby and his dad would beat him constantly as well, his brother died from drugs and he would openly cheat on my mother with prostitutes and gambled my grandmother (from my mother's side) life savings away).

My mom is also mentally ill/slightly retarded/abusive and constantly would make life toxic for everyone. My household was also very controlling and I wasn't really able to go out with friends or anything until I was 16-17. I did have a few good friends from High School in Germany that brought me out clubbing/drinking but it really didn't result in much for me besides grinding with random girls and being rejected. I recently moved to the Colorado (Medical marijuana has made me a bit less tense/more relaxed but I do tend to get anxiety attacks when I smoke) and I have no friends here & I got my driver's license about 2 weeks ago so I'm looking for ways to make friends.

And the following is why I'm using a throwaway - I know i'm attractive due to the fact that I am able to very overtly/sexually flirt with girls on webcam chat sites. I was able to get three cute girls to strip/kiss/flash/grind/dance for me the other night and I'm sitting here thinking why can't this happen to me in real life? I always feel super cynical/self-defeating about myself which often leads to bouts of depression and results in me just shutting myself away after I finish classes to go on the computer all day. I only go out to buy something/gym/school (I go to a community college). I can't afford a therapist so that is out of the question... thanks (was told to x-post to here)