Hey seddit, new user here. Decided to make an account to talk about something that I discovered as exceptionally important: How PUA is more important than ever after the initial attraction fades. Most of what I read here discusses how important it is to make that initial attraction, and it's not wrong. But it's all too easy to fall into the complacency trap, and I wanted to share my experience.

When I first met my now-SO, I was in a relationship (a short-lived one born of desperation, but that's irrelevant to the story), and we only started talking because we were coworkers. I was a very awkward person. I was skinny, gangly, and the antisocial type, although working in customer service meant that I had to pick up social skills rapidly. I found, to my surprise, that it was so much easier to flirt with this girl when I was already in a relationship, because I knew it was going nowhere. I'd be the cockiest guy you ever saw, whipping out the most ridiculous lines at every turn, because I wanted to see what happened. I wasn't desperate at all. (Which is also different from every other female interaction I've ever had.)

This is when I realized the importance of outcome-independence. It's about really not caring whether it goes anywhere, and having fun because you're a fun person. I, for example, love pushing others' buttons. Once, I was at work and a friend was waiting outside for my shift to end. A female coworker saw him and asked me, "Is he waiting for you?" and I looked her in the eye and said "Definitely. I'm gonna take him home and do terrible things to his squishy parts." For no other reason than to see how she'd react. It was worth it, I had a good laugh with some other coworkers who overheard. It made me feel confident and spastic and funny, which brought up my self-confidence in short order.

Soon I was so used to being ridiculous that I was chatting with another female coworker (who meets every out-of-my-league qualification: gorgeous, half a decade older, etc, and whose buttons I push all the time), and she hadn't heard about my recent promotion at all, even though there was an announcement. So I pouted at her and said, "(other female manager) heard about my promotion! She even complimented me!" and she looks at me all red in the face and goes "Well, why don't you go date HER then?!" And I immediately grinned at her and went "Hey, who said anything about dating? I was just talking about kindness. Nice slip, though." and winked. Walked away to her just awkwardly staring, red in the face. It feels good! Almost like a power change.

Long story short, my prior relationship ended and I entered into my current one because of the chemistry I found before we even dated. Just by being a flirt and seeing how other people reacted.

And then things took a turn for the worse.

I started getting less confident, getting whiny over the smallest things, "What do you mean, you wanted to have your friend over tonight? I was looking forward to spending that time with you and tomorrow with you and our day off with you and--" I was being stifling. I was diagnosed with depression soon after, and I developed self-esteem issues because I started getting anxious that our relationship would end, et cetera. I don't know why I got so whiny. Perhaps because I felt like I no longer needed to try? We frequently talked about how we wished we had the chemistry we had at the start of our relationship - or even BEFORE we got together!

This was the kicker for me. I dropped my game, inner and outer, because I was in a fantastic relationship that I was really happy with. But it only hurt me. I was no longer very seductive with her, we only had sex when we were desperate, I stopped being spontaneous, I flirted far less, and this is what led to the loss of passion that led to these feelings on both ends. To my understanding, seddit mainly focuses on initial attraction, breaking down barriers, and basic obstacles such as those. But the skills you acquire in becoming a person that girls are attracted to are the skills that it's just as important to keep up while you're in a relationship; it's the reason for all of those married people who complain that there's no passion or spontaneity anymore: because men put on the moves to "get/acquire" the girl, not to keep her. And that's what matters.

We couldn't be happier now. :)

TL;DR: Applying game once you're in a relationship is just as important as using it to get into one. Also, outcome-independence is the fast track to confidence. I feel like this is basic PUA knowledge, but then, there are plenty of men who get into relationships with smoking hot babes and then let them stagnate into nothing, so...

Discuss how PUA has helped your relationships, if you've had similar experiences.