Validation! Why do we crave it ?

ImJustSo · 2014-08-17T05:42:20+00:00

You'll always care at least a little bit, but you'll become less concerned with people are total scum. You'll be more equipped with finding pieces of filth and ignoring them. Generally when my feelings get hurt and I feel unvalidated it's by a professor with a doctorate and I said something foolish and I feel ridiculous. I don't concern myself with people who don't matter as much, but I do still get affected by people who really matter to me.

Over all I'm a very confident guy though.

recyclablebantha · 2014-08-17T13:53:09+00:00

Validation! Why do we crave it?

Not everyone craves it, or craves it much. But those people are rare: most of us develop a need for validation when something happens during our childhood that robs us of a loving, healthy and/or safe environment. Such events set people on a long (often life-long) quest..

I've been reading Models by Mark Manson and No More Mr. Nice Guy and while they both cover the need for validation I don't feel like it's helped all that much when it comes to me seeking approval.

Of course. The need for validation doesn't go away just because you know it's there. And you aren't going to override it with higher brain functions (restraint, etc.), anymore than you can override a need like hunger.

What you need to do, which I believe Mark Manson covers at some point, is the need to reinforce and build yourself up so that you can provide validation for YOURSELF more often.

I'd appreciate it if you guys could help me with how you deal with validation. How did you overcome it? Thanks guys.

This is a constant quest, for those on it. It requires constant work to improve yourself.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2014-08-18T01:41:03+00:00

I've been reading Models by Mark Manson and No More Mr. Nice Guy and while they both cover the need for validation I don't feel like it's helped all that much when it comes to me seeking approval.

This is because simply learning about something doesn't mean you can actually do it. It's almost like expecting to be a martial arts master because you read a textbook about it. Books are merely a tool. They in themselves do not help you if you don't do anything with your new knowledge. You ultimately have to help yourself by taking action.

Learn to validate yourself. We can't teach you how to validate yourself, because that's a part of your journey. We don't know you, but you do.

We can offer suggestions though.

Work on your finances. Improve your physical health. Meditate. Build a healthy social circle (or multiple circles). Hang out with your friends. Learn an instrument. Play sports. Practice a martial art. Learn how to dance. Participate in a flash mob. Go to a music festival.

Oh, you can also do that pickup shit that some guys talk about. ;)

Title	Validation! Why do we crave it ?
Author	seduce_my_anus
Upvotes	6
Comments	3
Date	August 17, 2014 4:49 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2ds0l1/validation_why_do_we_crave_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/validation-why-do-we-crave-it.1375197 https://theredarchive.com/post/1375197

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