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Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup

RonnieLibra

September 5, 2014

1 upvotes

/r/seduction

http://librachronicles.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/peter-grimm-myths-and-truths-about-pickup/

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Title	Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup
Author	RonnieLibra
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	September 5, 2014 9:35 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2fl4c8/peter_grimm_myths_and_truths_about_pickup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/peter-grimm-myths-and-truths-about-pickup.1376058 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376058

Comments

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebantha 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

While I agree with a lot of what's in that article.........

Myth #4: Negs don’t work.

In the early days of the PUA community, negs were all the rage. Then a school of thought came around that said negs are useless, you don’t need them, don’t bother incorporating them in to your game.

This is kind of a scarecrow argument. I've never heard people say that they don't work and/or are useless. Rather, the drive against them has more to do with how they affect the kinds of girls you screen out vs the girls that stick around.

And that brings us to the subject of validation: one of the most important concepts in pickup and one that you should master in its entirety.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GIRL WHO ISN’T ACTIVELY TRYING TO PROVE HERSELF TO YOU.

Let that sink in, because it’s important.

In nearly every interaction between two people, one person is trying to validate themselves to another. You need to remember two things: a.) NEVER validate yourself to a woman and b.) ALWAYS be sure that she’s trying to validate herself to you.

Here's the thing: having an imbalance either way, with one side trying so hard to validate themselves to the other, is bad. A guy working hard to always validate himself, becomes unattractive, because of the insecurity and neediness involved. So why then should insecurity and neediness on the part of the woman, not be a raging turn-off to a guy who wants a girl who can keep up with him?

There is no reason that a guy shouldn't be seeking his equal (or even a girl that pushes him to greater heights), regardless of whether he wants a fling or something serious.

To specify, seeking out a healthy back and forth/competitiveness/sassiness/attitude/confidence in a girl, is good. Having sparks fly or a little fire between you and a girl, is good. Having a girl that you can tease and who teases back as good as she gets...... is awesome. Having a girl that is "ALWAYS" off balance and trying to prove herself, is unhealthy, disposable and possibly unnecessarily dramatic.

[–]RonnieLibra[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebantha 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

It's not about making a girl insecure and needy. There's a big difference between that, and having a healthy male/female dynamic in a relationship.

I agree with this and it might boil down to semantics, but.....

That healthy dynamic is as such: A woman who is in to a man wants to be loved/accepted and tries to please her man, a man who is in to a woman is pleased with his woman. If the commenter likes sassy women, then he should tell his woman "I love how sassy you are, most girls don't inspire me like you do." Validate her for her sassiness. She'll love to hear that, and she'll work harder to be more sassy because she knows her man likes it.

If a guy needs to prove himself all the time....what do we call him? Needy. Insecure. Try-hard. Etc.

If a girl has the same need to prove herself all the time, it is no different. She too is needy, insecure, try-hard. Such a girl is no more attractive than a guy who has the similar need to seek validation. At least not if the guy pursuing her is paying attention to who she is, rather than simply trying to get in there.

There shouldn't be an imbalance with one side always pushing to validate themselves. I think both people should be pleased with each other and perhaps neither should be trying to prove themselves. At least not overly. Some back and forth..... some fire..... that stuff should definitely be there. But to push for a girl to be constantly trying to prove herself..... the only way to have that constantly, is to have a girl who is constantly off-balance. Or to make her that way. Because confident people don't have a constant need to validate themselves.

[–]RonnieLibra[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

I'll answer this without peter - no need.

You're talking in IDEALS. It all sounds nice on paper but the REALITY is, that there will ALWAYS be a balancing act going on in a relationship between a guy and a girl. The old saying goes, that one person in the relationship always is MORE in love than the other person is. That is absolutely true. The BALANCING ACT, one person and the other person NOT being equal, is what keep the relationship alive.

And, fortunately for us men, it is OUR job to LEAD, not to follow or be equals.

Just like what I tell my students. Girls HATE shit like when she says, "So.. I was thinking we could get something to eat. What do you feel like eating?" and the guy comes back with, "I don't care.... Whatever you want. What do you feel like eating??"

She HATES that shit. That's not insecure. That's normal. Girls want a strong man who can lead. This does NOT make them needy or insecure. It makes her a woman, the Yin to our Yang. The Valley to our Mountain. Natural order of things. It is only in the last couple/few decades that the concept of a strong masculine has been bastardized by social programming.

So yes, there absolutely should ALWAYS be an imbalance to keep the balance. If there was NOT - there would not be balance, there would be STAGNATION.

Change is the only constant thing in the universe.

Yin - female/passive/negative principle in nature

Yang - positive/active/male principle in nature

It does not make a woman insecure that she is passive and the male is active. It is NORMAL. The best guys I know, who have been in relationships forever all say the same thing. They ALWAYS have to play the games where the women test them and they have to keep her off balance. These are the healthiest and longest lasting relationships out there, including my grandfather and grandmother married for 67 years until he passed away.

And the truth of it all is, if the girl isn't off balance she sure as fuck is going to constantly test you to try and throw you off balance, and as soon as you slip up her attraction for you will go out the window. That can be after 1 date or 3 years. She will always test you. It's not even on purpose, it's just part of her nature.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebantha 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

It all sounds nice on paper but the REALITY is, that there will ALWAYS be a balancing act going on in a relationship between a guy and a girl.

You're changing the subject and representing a different position than the one I was disagreeing with. It was not about whether or not there is or should be a balancing act. Which I agree with, by the way.

The point was that I disagree with the notion that an imbalance should be created in the other person. As happens when one contrives to make the girl be in a state where she always seeks to validate herself to the guy.

And, fortunately for us men, it is OUR job to LEAD, not to follow or be equals.

Funny thing about leading and following. The more intimately familiar one becomes with "leading," the more one becomes aware that there's often a blurry line between what constitutes leading and following.

Just like what I tell my students. Girls HATE shit like when she says, "So.. I was thinking we could get something to eat. What do you feel like eating?" and the guy comes back with, "I don't care.... Whatever you want. What do you feel like eating?? She HATES that shit.

Mildly strange example, as girls are more stereotypically known for pulling this kind of thing.

That's not insecure. That's normal. Girls watnt a stong man who can lead. This does NOT make them needy or insecure.

Again, this is a change of subject. Screening for girls who have a strong need to validate themselves or pushing them into a state where they develop a strong need to validate themselves, is a completely different than the simple differences between the sexes.

A man can lead and a girl can follow, or whatever, and that has nothing to do with the need either one may have to "prove themselves" to the other.

[–]RonnieLibra[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebantha 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RonnieLibra[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Like I said, that's all fine and dandy on paper, it sounds great in a "Tony Robbins" type way, but when it come to women there will ALWAYS be a little battle going on when it comes to validation, microcalibration, or whatever you want to call it. This is BASIC push/pull. This is like the meat and potatoes of pickup and seduction.

Any and every guy I know who is good with women, whether or not they even Study "game", does this on some level. And like I said, girls do it too. You're stuck on thinking this is some thing we can all outgrow as a people. That's cool It sounds very enlightened and self-helpee, but just because you think that way doesn't mean that 99% of the women you meet are going to play along. They are women. They will, SUBCONSCiOUSLY and consciously test you for the rest of your days - 1st date, 1st month of dating, 5 years in. There will ALWAYS be that dance going on.

It doesn't mean that she's insecure or your insecure. It has NOTHING to do with any of that. What I am saying here as well as above is, it is as normal for them and (supposed to be) for us as drinking water. It is a natural part of the dance of dating and seduction. You can develop past it all you want, but it will still be there.