I've gone from "I kinda want to change" to "I need to change before shit hits the fan"

Kitad · 2015-01-13T10:03:27+00:00

Start small. Pick one habit and make sure you go through with it for at least a month. Then it becomes second nature and you will get confidence ("Hey, I actually can make changes"), and you can focus on something else. If you try to change every aspect of your life at once you may get too much pressure and burn out.

Personally I think that there are 4 habits that are super useful to begin with as they increase your motivation levels for everything else and instill in you different traits:

Fitness: Because your body is you and you are your body and going to the gym/having proper nutrition affects your willpower levels. You will also feel good afterwards as you get proper dopamine/testosterone levels.
Reading books: You challenge your brain to interpret new content. You can also start reading books on self-development that will help you (The Power of Habit, The Willpower Instinct, The Power of Now, inspirational books, etc.)
Meditation: Literally training your pre-frontal cortex which is the part of your brain that determines your will-power.
Cold approach pick-up: Simply because approaching girls you like is both challenging as fuck and rewarding and fun. If you have the discipline to stick at this for a while, everything else kind of seems like a joke in comparison to be honest.

So I would recommend picking one of these and setting a decent goal (30 minutes of reading every day, going to the gym 3 days a week, meditating 20 minutes every day or approaching every day) and make sure you stick with it. After you've done that, try to see if you can amp it up or include something else. If you can begin with more than one thing, then suit yourself out but don't pressure yourself to the point it all falls apart. Quitting is useful for noone.

Also, what does having non-continous sex mean? lol

Schtemich · 2015-01-13T14:14:03+00:00

I suggest focusing on making more friends, ideally both men and women. It sounds like you would benefit from having more people around you to bounce ideas off, enjoy activities with, and generally make you feel more like the social, comfortable kind of guy that women find attractive.

In doing so, avoid people likely to encourage bad habits - i.e. don't hang around with guys that have all the same problems as you (unless they're equally motivated to change too).

Consider getting part time bar work - your comfort in talking to strangers will increase very quickly, you'll make friends, and it'll get you away from the room of doom.

I hope it works out for you, mate.

itsmevichet · 2015-01-13T16:05:29+00:00

You know, at the heart of all of this, there's a seed of low self-esteem that probably drives a lot of your stress.

There's no cure-all for that. There are a lot of things you can do like self-improvement, and all that jazz that we teach here, but ultimately, you're going to have to find self-acceptance.

Whatever it is that makes you think you're not good enough for what you want, you need to let that shit go. Not saying you can sit on your ass and tell everyone "deal with it," and expect good results, but if you don't choose self-acceptance somewhere along the way, you're always going to be running from the idea that you're not good enough.

fredw424 · 2015-01-13T06:39:42+00:00

Acquire Aesthetics

autourbanbot · 2015-01-13T13:27:19+00:00

Honestly bro, reading books and looking for new ideas when you haven't gotten the fundamentals ( cold approaching and building rapport semi comfortably) is a way of distracting yourself.

Reading about self improvement and imagining success can b distracting ( look up spectator-ism).

At the end of the day, I gotta tell you what you've probably heard a million times, Just do it. Not for me, not for your ex, for yourself. You can read about all the new ideas you like and all the new techniques, but that's only 5% without actions. It'll also be great if you can get your own support group ( In fact I highly recommend it, I think that's what you need).

And work on your inner game through meditation, audio books, anything you can use to re calibrate yourself and your thoughts.

Good luck men

Title	I've gone from "I kinda want to change" to "I need to change before shit hits the fan"
Author	Bodacious_Belugas
Upvotes	7
Comments	7
Date	January 13, 2015 5:36 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2s93tv/ive_gone_from_i_kinda_want_to_change_to_i_need_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-gone-from-i-kinda-want-to-change-to-i-need-to.1382278 https://theredarchive.com/post/1382278

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