Letting go of anger and the past, how do I do it?

LordXerces · 2014-03-12T21:59:47+00:00

5 stages of grief:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

You are at stage 2, my friend. You've lost the part of your life that made you the most happy, and you are in mourning. The 5SOG can be applied to a lot of things in life, and ugly breakups are particularly applicable.

What you are going through is so ridiculously common that you have no idea. I have went through almost the exact same thing as you, and I know how fucking crippling it is. What you need to do is be thankful. "What? Thankful?!" Yes. You need to be really fucking happy this happened to you. So many men go through this at the age of 40, with marriage involved, children involved, lawyers involved, personal belongings involved, and so on.

I am no psychic, but I will assume that you are not over the age of 25. You are lucky to have experienced this, because now you know what it's like, and you will (hopefully) never fall into this trap again. You know the warning signs now. You know how to handle it now because now you know how you react to a situation like this. This is your first deep cut. You know what to not look for in a girl. Perhaps more importantly, you've gained a fucking megaton of knowledge when it comes to women and relationships. Thank your god for putting you in this situation that let you learn and gave you the opportunity to become a stronger and wiser man.

Don't look at this as a defeat. I know you hate her, but in reality, you also hate yourself for letting this happen to you. You feel emasculated, disrespected and weak. But once you've hit bottom there's only one way up. Pull yourself together, and see how this is in the much broader picture a victory. A cheap fucking slut is now out of your life for good.

You would like to bash her fucking head in while screaming at the top of your lungs what a pathetic, dumb whore she is, but that will solve nothing. And it won't make you feel much better. To do so is to be weak, and it's simply self-destructive. Are you going to be a man? Or are you going to let your intrusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions run amok and get the best of you?

Start thinking about yourself and who you want to be now. It's over. Do not walk with anger in your heart. Work on yourself like there is no tomorrow. Hit the gym, read, especially TRP material, go into deep introspection, mediate, learn stuff, and realize your full potential as a human being and as a man.

And seriously? Fuck that woman.

RojoEscarlata · 2014-03-12T17:51:35+00:00

If you want to let go of the anger in your past, start moving towards the future.

Stop indulging in self pity, and the vicious cycle that anger leads you too.

Look back at the past in an objective manner, learn from it, but don't let it consume you. Because trying to think in the what ifs is one of the greatest curses a man can inflict himself.

NobodygoingNowhere · 2014-03-12T18:33:01+00:00

I felt like a fucking pussy at how I handled her. I didn't insult her or show anger. I just sat in silence, because of this, I still have a lot of anger towards her.

Nope you handled it like a man. You didn't stick around after she did this you cut her off completely giving her no emotional feedback for her to feed off of. You handled it right.

I've not yet been able to figure out a way to get rid of this. It's been bothering me a month and a half later. I just want to go up to her and tell her what a fucking slut she is.

Dude I've been in your situation before and it sucks. I went off on her I spilled all my anger out on her but it didn't change the fact that I still felt betrayed and hurt by what she did. The truth is nothing you say to her will make this feeling go away you have to give yourself time to regather yourself and reform your prospective on things.

Take that anger you have and channel it into a better cause. Work on yourself go to the gym pick up a new hobby do things that make you a better man. IT's going to suck for a bit I can promise you that but I can also promise you will get through this and you'll have learned a very valuable lesson. Honestly i'm glad it happened to me it was a wake up call and it made me a better man. Perhaps one day you'll feel that way too.

BigRed0 · 2014-03-12T20:13:48+00:00

Most girls will latch onto any emotional reason to rationalize their behavior after-the-fact. If you would have gone apeshit and really let out your anger, she would have labelled you as a psycho and thought it was okay to cheat on you since you're now the asshole. The rationalization will happen one way or the other, but now it will be particularly illogical and painful.

[deleted] · 2014-03-12T23:32:05+00:00

You can't change what happened in the past. No matter how many times you go through it in your mind, you can't redo a thing. What is in your control is your reaction to it. You could have a productive, positive reaction or you could allow the past to make you bitter and angry.

Your anger doesn't hurt your ex, or the guy that fucked her. They are all living their lives completely unaffected by the way you feel. The only person your anger damages is yourself.

How you react is a choice. Remember that. You can choose to react in a way that is positive and make the best out of a bad situation.

robesta · 2014-03-12T22:24:22+00:00

Fuck some strange! Seriously, it works.

It's been 10 months since I found out my ex wife was doing similar shit. I'm still not over it.

[deleted] · 2014-03-13T21:18:07+00:00

Recycle the anger into a production factory for you. Had you been doing your job properly none of this would have happened.

Harsh, but that's the reality of it.

Work out harder, fuck the next girl better, be more bold - because of her, and then inevitably and necessarily; for you.

Title	Letting go of anger and the past, how do I do it?
Author	Jcadd
Upvotes	10
Comments	9
Date	March 12, 2014 4:47 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/208ooa/letting_go_of_anger_and_the_past_how_do_i_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/letting-go-of-anger-and-the-past-how-do-i-do-it.139083 https://theredarchive.com/post/139083

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