People of TRP, Thank you for opening my eyes. Most things written here are very had to swallow, but are also very true. They are the most accurate representation of reality i ever came across. Thank you for helping people like me from blowing our brains out. Also, i have only been here for a few weeks, so i don't yet know what the etiquette here is about personal stories, so if they are not needed/wanted, i will remove them.

Reason/Background In 9th grade, i was an achiever, book smart and wanting to make something that will change the world. I was also the most hopelessly naive kid in the world, A dear female friend at the time told me one night that every girl in school hated me. I unraveled.

What followed for the next few years was a dip in academic performance, a nose dive in self esteem, major depression, social anxiety, dropping out of college, loss of identity, pain, misery, hopelessness, wishing for death.....I wanted someone to tell me i was alright but i found none.

My parents only noticed something was wrong when i quit college. I only got help after that.

I now realize that in 9th grade, i had an ego that should have never belonged to a kid.

But don't feel too bad, i got into another college, got a degree and i have a decent job.

Regardless of how silly of a cause it seems to be, the resulting crises i had to go through was one of the most difficult things a human being can go through, and i can tell you without shame, the only reason i survived was because i was and still somewhat am ambitious and *all the pain and misery i had to go through is because i didn't have a steady guidance of a male role model. *

Being blue Piller I will not go through the very, very, very long list of degrading/humiliating stuff i suffered trying to get women's approval, i have dedicated years to the a futile task with the predictable outcome of complete failure.

But i am swallowing the red pill.

The question

Right now, i'm not a strong man, the mess i went through earlier in life have left me weak. I don't have much in confidence, I don't have friends, don't go out at night, I live a sheltered, boring life with my parents. The only thing going for me seems to be a very large reservoir of anger.

So people, what are the first practical steps i need to do to walk this path? To be a better man than i am now?