I'm lost and confused

LS_D · 2014-04-13T09:14:49+00:00

Firstly,,both my parents were dead by the time I was 17. I had to work things out by myself. I am not alone!

No one 'teaches' you, 'how to be a man' ... first you need to be a human!

here your main 'problem' is having unreciprocated 'oneitis' ... a BIG mistake!

Read this again ...

3 fucking years of pain, jealousy, and hearing her talk about how she wants to fuck 4 of her guy friends while also dating someone. 3 fucking years of her telling me "you're my brother, we'll always be friends, I love you, I need you in my life"

If your mate came and told you 'a girl was making him feel this way' ... what advice would you give him? seriously?

You have answered your own question here, but you don't like the answer!

Yes the best option is to cut her out if my life, easier said than done. I tried for a month not talking to her but was bombarded with emails telling me how much she loves me. It's hard for me to cut out the only person in my life who gives me attention even if its not the attention I really want.

The best thing you could do, is accept your 'friendzone' status, and use this girl as a wingwoman to help you meet other girls!

And once you've had a couple of successes, two things are likely to happen, one will be that your attraction for this girl will change. It may go up it probably will go down, but one things for sure, it won't stay the same! And your female friend will also change the way she 'looks' at you ... and it too could go up or down, or stay the same.

This is life, and life is all about change ... static things decay! And that's the mistake many people make iin trying to be happy, they try to 'repeat' theemselves, their behavior, when in reality thsi is impossible, each new moment holds 'new possibilities' and the 'alpha male' sees them and grasps them if he wants

This is a big part of 'staying interesting' ... for myself, I have had a rather unusual life which has had a lot of changes in it. In a way this has 'made' me 'unusual' kinda by default, I don't have to try to 'keep things interesting', the type of life I leads means this will happen anyway. Sometimes it's a pain in the arse and I'll wish things would just be 'normal, like the other guys' ... but then I realize how most of thee other guys lives are and I'm ok again! lol

Bro I was a shy 'nice guy' until I was around 22, then I just went "fuck it" and changed my approach to make meeting girls and bedding them fun, coz I just wanted to have fun!

But behaving in the way I had been 'taught' to behave with women was a failure. I had heaps of female 'friends' but no fucks! My first gf I met at a club with the PU line "you've got great hair" ... the 'trick' with PU lines for me, is you have to mean them. By this I mean you must make a 'true' statement to start with like "my name is xx, what's your's?" has always been a winner for me, becoz depending upon the response i get as to how I proceed. And as I've had many people respond to that statement many many times in my life, as have most people, that I have a good idea of the 'standard' response from people both male and female and I can get an idea of the person from just this simple answer.

The psychology of how people relate to their names is deep, so by asking a person for possibly the most familiar word in their vocabulary, their name, opens up their minds for a split second and if you can follow up with something else they are 'happy to hear' it can take you a long way!

And as for "not knowing what you want" well Shit bro, that happens a lot in life, best to learn to deal with it. I'm 50 and I still don't know what I want! ... but as I live from day to day I come across new things all the time.

Sometimes getting what you want is a bummer, coz you no longer have a goal to work towards. I call them "now what's" savvy?

For me and I think many PUA's, much if not most of the fun is in the chase! That's half the reason we are PUA's ... the thrill of the hunt, so to speak! lol I think you would be well rewarded to start trying it out, it's fun if you don't take things too seriously. Remember, "feelings aren't facts" ... just becoz you 'feel' a certain way, doesn't mean it's 'valid' or worthwhile empowering and acting on. This is a lesson that can take some time to learn becoz almost nobody talks or teaches about it, you think you've got it bad becoz your adopted dad didn't 'teach' you better 'how to be a man?' shit bro he most likely didn't have/hasn't got a clue himself, and were you to ask him 'how do you be a man dad?' he'd spin out and splutter away or spin some bullshit! Few men can truly answer this one, I know I can only answer for this guy, no others.

so back to what I said, the best thing you can do is to accept the fact that you're in her friendzone and so then use her to help you hit on other girls you like.

I don't know if you have any 'moral' problems with hitting on lots of girls but bro it comes down to the numbers, if you try enough girls you are going to succeed with one sooner than later! I watched a mate get rejected by every eligible female in a bar, and the last one he tried was the one he's still with today ! whoa! yeah! (she later told him she'd been watching him 'trying' with all the other girls lol and decided she wanted to hear what he had to say for himself! hehe! oh and she's a complete babe!) So follow his lead and man, once you nail a few in a group, if you give good sex,, watch out for all the 'groupies' lol!

Larocko · 2014-04-13T06:51:33+00:00

Let's focus on you first. Forget the girl. You always come first.

You need to see a therapist, maybe even a psychiatrist. I've been there, done that, and it really helps. You can't go through life wanting to die; it's not a normal thing.

Second, you're an orbiter. She doesn't love you, she just wants your attention. Again, forget her, don't talk to her, get over her. I know it's easier said than done, but it's necessary for your own sake. You don't need her. You don't need her. You don't need her. You are a man and you are worth more than her from what I can tell.

Third, when you're not holding a knife to your throat and amusing her attentionwhore ways, you need to increase your SMV. This will help your self esteem because honestly, you have none. Go to the gym. Practice standing up straight. Whiten your teeth. Get a haircut. Get a good skincare regimen. Maybe get a few plates spinning. Whatever you can do to help yourself, do it.

217v · 2014-04-13T11:10:27+00:00

Hey bro, I'm in the same boat you're in. A long while back i wrote something similar within a completely non-trp context about how miserable i was and the advice one dude gave me is only now just clicking in. Maybe it can be of good to you.

I'm paraphrasing............

You need to do whatever the fuck you need to do to be okay/deal with life (Go through the day without wanting to kill yourself). Maybe get a therapist, read self help books, do yoga, read about Buddhism, meditate, lift, exercise............. Accept the shit your life has become.

Once you accept it, you'll probably be extremely angry on how you let yourself become this. Use that anger to better you self -- Learn about being a man, many may think it odd, but who gives a fuck, not everyone is blessed with an alpha figure in their lives who cared enough to show the ropes.--, And perhaps most importantly, what you do, you do for your own self. It is not about women, It is about you!!, Be a man that is worthy of life. When that day comes, you wont need women, but they'll need you.

Like I said, I'm in the same boat, but I am learning, dealing with accepting life, and trying to use the emotions at my disposal to better myself.

Oneties suck!, I am dealing with one right now, Almost over it, It's a sad feeling when you realize how much you care and how little she does. ACCEPT!! And be a man about it.

p3ndulum · 2014-04-13T11:36:34+00:00

Start filling your schedule up with shit. Join a gym. Are you into sports? Join a rec league. Learn MMA. Find something you can do and somewhere you can go multiple nights a week. Just stay busy, and never break your already-made plans and commitments for anyone, especially this broad.

What are your passions? What do you really love? These are the things that need to become your focus.

Get strong, stay busy, and start making people work for your attention.

In the beginning you'll become bored and worry about your loneliness, but think of it like being a caterpillar inside of a cocoon. It's cramped and dark and it's a painful process to break out of it, but if you keep working - if you keep growing stronger - you'll come out of it a better man. A man of value. A man who has something to offer.

The more you make yourself available, the less valuable you become. Think about how much diamonds would be worth if they grew on trees. So until you actually have legitimate things to keep you busy, star thinking of things that you can use to bluff with, so that the next time she calls, you can tell her that you're busy and that you'll call her later. And if you don't have anything to actually do, go for a run or do push-ups.

[deleted] · 2014-04-13T21:31:33+00:00

If you're confused about how to use paragraphs: Use the enter button, twice.

myrpaccount · 2014-04-13T12:32:07+00:00

You need to stop seeing the girl. You should sit her down and explain that you are not getting what you need from the relationship. Tell her if she truly cares for you, she will respect your wishes and never contact you again. Then block every her on every means of contact. Every time you think of her redirect that energy into lifting. If you don't have easy access to a gym you can do push ups and other exercise that doesn't require equipment.

It will be a little bit like she died in the beginning it will be hell, but over time it will get better. BTW if she tries to contact you it will show you how little she respects you.

Title	I'm lost and confused
Author	Larocko
Upvotes	14
Comments	11
Date	April 13, 2014 6:38 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/22wqkd/im_lost_and_confused/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-lost-and-confused.139354 https://theredarchive.com/post/139354

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