Alpha male wealth vs. nice guy who always pays?

GLOOTS_OF_PEACE · 2015-11-19T13:38:50+00:00

It honestly doesn't matter if you pay or don't. Just don't make a big deal of it. Flashing money around is different . Ive been on dates with a girl who had double my salary (i suspect she was making 6 figures at the time) and we took turns paying. It really doesnt mean shit other than a polite thing to do, and there are hundreds of polite things you can do.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-11-19T14:46:59+00:00

It's all about the place that you're coming from. Are you using money to buy attention or validation? Or are you using money simply as a tool in your toolbox, as an extension of yourself?

It's hard to describe, but there's a clear emotional difference between the two. Two different people can pay for dinner, and both people will get different results because they're coming from different places, even if they actually did the same action.

Ask yourself, "where am I coming from right now?" Are you grounded, chill, and just enjoying yourself? Or do you feel the need to impress, that you're not enough and that you need to compensate with money?

Something easy you can do to handle expectations is pay for the first date, and be like, "I got it this time, but you'll get the next one".

This is just me, but I generally don't enjoy dates that are too expensive. So, I tend to avoid the whole money shit by doing cheap dates. Like paying for her $10 brunch or $3 coffee or whatever isn't a big deal to me, so fuck it. I'm also looking for a relationship at the moment, so by the time we end up going somewhere more expensive, she's probably worth it anyway so I don't care as much. Fuck that sugar daddy shit though.

penguin_says_slide · 2015-11-19T13:53:37+00:00

What kind of dates are you taking these girls to? I usually just go for walks, or shopping(window shopping) or the most is a bar where I pay for her beer tops.

Keep it simple, forget the 5 star restaurant and so on.

recyclablebantha · 2015-11-19T15:47:46+00:00

Hey guys. Can you give me some pointers on the difference between being being attractive in terms of wealth vs. being the nice guy who always pays for dates?

What do you even mean here? Attractive in terms of wealth, is not a personal characteristic and describes what gold diggers are after. Being the nice guy who always pays, is like being a doormat.

Neither of these options, as you've described them, are good. BOTH of them suck.

I know that letting the girl pay for drinks etc. is a common theme in the pick up materials.....

Seriously, I wonder where all these "pick up materials" are coming from. It is NOT a common theme to make the girl pay, anymore than it's "common wisdom" that the guy always pays.

However, it IS a common PROBLEM guys face, when a girl asks for a guy to buy her a drink. And how he deals with that, can determine how well he does. There are a few ways, with one way that's arguably the best.

He could pay for it. (Not ideal)
He could refuse. (Not ideal)
He could make a game out of it: he could agree to do it, IF the girl can accomplish some arbitrary task. Usually something silly or funny. So don't just lie down, and don't kill the fun, either.

I don't want to attract girls who are in it for my money- either in terms of dating or relationships.

As well you shouldn't...... So you could treat her if it's no big deal but then you've fallen into the trap of possibly being a meal ticket.

Usually going dutch a few times in the beginning, on some already cheap activity, is a good way to weed out girls who are in it for the money. Don't take them out to fancy restaurants and the like, to start out.

SexySmexxy · 2015-11-19T20:19:57+00:00

No need to discuss money with her, just make casual jokes about taking turns paying the bills.

There is almost no reason to talk about money

2015-11-19T13:23:16+00:00

Be a gentleman. if you ask a girl out, you should pick up the tab. Girls will almost always offer to help out or pay for themselves at which point you can say something like, "I'll get this, you can get the next one" or, depending on how its going, "I'll get this, you can buy breakfast ;)". If she actually likes and respects you, she'll be happy to buy the next meal. I'll often follow up with a "So where are you taking me for brunch?" in a cheeky way and then surprise her by paying anyway. Then she'll absolutely INSIST upon buying the next one. This kinda keeps it surprising and fun and shows that it's not actually about money and you're not keeping score. It's about testing her to see if she's willing to pull her own weight. She see's you're not just being cheap and her company is worth more than arguing over $20... and in my experience, girls love to find creative ways show you their appreciation.

My rule of thumb, knowing that I make a lot more than most of the girls I date, is to pay 2 out of every 3 times.

Title	Alpha male wealth vs. nice guy who always pays?
Author	recovering_beta_male
Upvotes	7
Comments	7
Date	November 19, 2015 12:16 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3tfajj/alpha_male_wealth_vs_nice_guy_who_always_pays/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/alpha-male-wealth-vs-nice-guy-who-always-pays.1397855 https://theredarchive.com/post/1397855

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