I had my first date in over a year. I have not been sarging much in the pat year due to the low number of available women locally and being really busy with work. But I stumbled into this date. In short, the date went okay but I was not at 100%. Here are my reflections to share.

I met this girl at a bar -- friend of a coworker. I was brown-out drunk, made the "come here" hand-motion from a few feet away, and told her she was so gorgeous that we should go somewhere and talk. She agreed. Went outside on the balcony, but our friends/ coworkers were there. Then went to a different room. We talked for a bit, most of it I can't remember. I was eventually pulled away to take care of another friend who was sloppy drunk. Overall, I didn't think the interaction went very well.

Mistake #1: Chickened out on a kiss close. But as we were walking back to rejoin everyone else, I put my hand to her face and said, "WOW. You are gorgeous." But didn't go in for the kiss. I think I could have but wasn't feeling confident in the moment. Before we parted, she said, "you can get my number from [coworker]." But I just asked for her number right there.

Flashforward to the next day: we text a bit and set up a date for Thursday. She has to reschedule Thursday to Saturday. She then cancels Saturday due to work/school.

The next week, I ask her to drinks on Friday. She has work but suggests breakfast on Saturday or will get drinks late Friday if she can take off work early. We only have a few limited windows to do a date because she has a long vacation starting next week.

The date: We end up doing breakfast. We met at the restaurant.

Mistake #2: Unclear communication. In talking about the food, I think I gave off the impression that I'm a vegetarian, even though I'm not, because I tend to eat mostly vegetarian foods. I think that set up a divide early on. There were a few other points where I was not very clear about what I meant. I also misphrased things that made it seem like I wasn't listening. For example, she mentioned most of her family was in another state but that she lives with her mom here. She goes to school here. I then asked her, "So, are you from [here]?" when I meant to ask if she's local to here and not here just for school. She clarified that she is from the other state but grew up here.

Mistake #3: Low family values. One of the first questions she asked me is how often I talk to my family. I said I try for once a week. She then said a lot about her family and how close they were. I tried to salvage it by discussing some of my thoughts and introspection on my family and what I've observed of other families with stronger bonds. What I should've done: Instead of admitting that I don't talk much to my family, I could've redirected and focused on more positive ways to talk about my family.

Mistake #4: Passion. She asked me about the one area of life I love most: cooking and food. She asked, "Do you cook?" My urge was to talk about how much I love trying new food, learning about the science of food, listening to cooking podcasts and cooking fancy recipes. But instead, I muted myself for fear of sounding braggy and self-occupied. I just said yeah, and we had some back and forth where I was way too modest. Looking back, she was definitely signalling to me what she finds important in a man and giving me an outlet to express myself.

In the last few years, I developed a habit of self-censoring as a result of some blowups with girlfriends and friends where I got way too opinionated and occupied with asserting my superior knowledge. This new self-censoring combined with my natural introversion and reversion to my natural shyness (which I mostly overcame for a time) has been a debilitating condition.

Mistake #5: Lack of sexual communication. She had a whole sausage in her mouth at one point -- against my better judgment I chose not to make innuendo out of it. The whole date lacked sexual tension. I made a tease about our "friendship" but it didn't land because I didn't set up the usual sexual vibe for the date to juxtapose with it.

Mistake #6: Poor set up for this date. I really dislike meal dates, or at least dates that start with a meal. We sat across from each other, making physical contact difficult. I should have offered to feed her as a way of building physicality, but didn't think to do that. I also wanted to go for a walk afterward at the local gardens nearby. On walks, with movement, is where I do my best flirting. But she hadn't allocated the time for anything after the meal. I didn't press. I should've been more excited about it, but I failed to sell it.

She ended the date because she had work to do. The conversation went on as we left the restaurant but petered out unexcitedly.

Mistake #7: Poor set up for next date. The two problems with my set up of the next date were that it was somewhat random and I didn't hammer out all the details in person.
She said that Sundays are her free days. She also gave me a couple conversational hooks for next date ideas. Instead of seizing those, I semi-randomly suggested going to the art gallery the next day, Sunday. Logistically, I knew the art gallery is a good date spot and we had talked about her desire to be more artsy. But when I suggested it, she seemed surprised.
I don't think a next-day date is necessarily always too soon, especially considering how difficult our schedules are to work with. But I didn't lock down all the details while we were together in person. I got the time and location down, but didn't confirm I would pick her up and where I would pick her up. So I texted to finish the logistics of our next date, but she said she had things to take care of and we should reschedule after her vacation.

I put 50% odds on that being a rejection. This is a bit disappointing because I was fairly interested and found her very physically attractive. Plus she was a bit awkward so that made her more endearing.

The biggest disappointment is that I don't feel like myself anymore. I was always a bit geeky and unusually awkward, but I had energy and a charming enthusiasm for everything -- this was my defining trait to my friends and former girlfriends. I don't think that came out during this date. And most of what I learned from seddit didn't come out either.

So, I wanted to share my thoughts on this date. I had an abundance mentality here in the sense that I wasn't too emotionally invested. But I really should have prepared and I failed to prepare for the date. I guess when you're rusty, the key is to visualize and think more about the date ahead of time.

I welcome any feedback or pep talking. Thanks!