Is this a polite way of 'we will go as friends?'

revente · 2016-05-07T14:02:00+00:00

Well it is hard to tell, she probably isn't sure either. Just go out with her, have fun, escalate physicly and see how she reacts.

2016-05-07T14:43:34+00:00

She is nervous because she's afraid you will push for sex this date. She imagines being uncomfortable as you demand sex, essentially, driving her anxiety. You were probably way too blatant about escalating and triggered her ASD/general discomfort as her attraction/comfort did not meet what your hands were asking for: instead of escalation "just happening" and being natural, it seemed like you were PRESSING for something. She became conscious of it, because you were escalating past her acceptance point and not adjusting back down. Probably, anyway, can't tell too much from your post.

You have to make her more comfortable with you, while of course still maintaining your attractive qualities (comfort and attraction are completely unrelated but both are necessary). As a general principle of game, sex is always, from her point of view, something that "just happened" and "wasn't planned". You both were out for fun, and somehow you ended up having sex and it was fun, never any pressure, it's like neither of you wanted to have sex and just wanted to have fun together and then oh yeah she went back to your place for more fun or to see your goldfish or whatever and you just ended up having sex totally unplanned (her point of view). That's what she should be remembering.

So to do: you have to calibrate your escalations to her comfort/attraction level. If you escalate too much too soon, she'll feel like your DEMANDING something from her (something sexual) and REQUIRING that she go in that direction, and she'll be defensive and seriously put-off.

This calibration is something that comes with time and takes a lot of work, understanding how to read her attraction and comfort from what she says, her bodylanguage, IOIs, so on. One of Tyler's HotSeat vids had an excellent breakdown where he talks about the woman he's picking-up (street approach) crossing her arms or something, and he talked about how he IMMEDIATELY backed up two steps from her and then only moved forward when she relaxed. Unconsciously she feels safe with him - when she unconsciously felt a bit of discomfort, he backed off = he's safe, he won't push me for something.

So tl;dr tell her you just want to have a fun night, no expectations, then do your best to build a bit more comfort and be careful with your escalations. You can't just back down and not do anything and be a quiet shy guy though, because that will collapse her attraction to you, and then that's game over no matter what. Comfort at the cost of attraction = fail, you need both.

Oh and she's attracted to you as a man/sexually because she's going out with you again. If she wasn't attracted you'd be getting a "maybe some other time" response.

V4refugee · 2016-05-07T16:17:10+00:00

Remember that no expectations goes both ways. You're not tied down and you don't owe each other anything. Just be present, have fun, and escalate. BTW, escalating is about testing not to pushing. You being ok with backing off if she's uncomfortable allows her to feel secure. Sometimes girls just want to see how you react when she essentally tells you to back off.

Title	Is this a polite way of 'we will go as friends?'
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	3
Date	May 7, 2016 1:16 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4i9xx8/is_this_a_polite_way_of_we_will_go_as_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-this-a-polite-way-of-we-will-go-as-friends.1406446 https://theredarchive.com/post/1406446

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