I met a total cutie last October. She is an incredibly shy and introverted girl yet very cerebral.

I open her, get her laughing, she's displaying signs of attraction, engage physically, she mirrors my moves, I step away from her and she steps closer. She says she's in a hurry because she needs to do finish her midterm project which is due in 2 hours, but she hangs around for another hour, effectively endangering her grade. I'm honestly surprised that she did. Things like that.

I ask her out. She says no.

I move on. I bump into her about 3 weeks ago on campus. We have a lovely chat, same as above except I don't ask her out. She's very closed off (home schooled, 1 friend in high school, only 1 five-year long relationship from 13-18) and for some pretty good reasons I won't get into.

I ask a friend who happens to be a classmate of hers to ask her what she thinks of me.

Turns out she says that I'm too assertive for her taste. Odd, because the vast, vast majority of women I know actually crave a masculine, assertive guy. I control my environment well, setting the mood, flow, and topic of the conversation.

I'm hesitant to accept her words at face value because she was smiling and laughing the whole time, which makes me think that she may kind of like me but is mixed about it.

She told my friend that she is worried that I'm "more experienced". I feel kind of good about this one because I want to give off an icey pimp vibe. She's worried that our age difference means I might manipulate her into things. I remember she told me that the way she lost her virginity to her then boyfriend was because she was afraid of losing him.

And that I'm too touchy, which is weird because I think kino is one of the things I need to work on. I picked her up once, commented on how light she was and asked her her weight. She was laughing and having a good time about it then, but told my friend that she didn't like it when I did that. I reportedly cross her touching boundaries, which I don't think is the case, but she is sensitive to touch more so than most women, reportedly.

Two things come to mind

• I failed to recalibrate. I should have taken it a little slower with her. This is my fault. The ironic thing is that I'm actually a huge introvert that keeps to himself on the inside and that the version of me before I got into game actually had a better chance with her on account of how timid I used to be.

I'm reminded of Machiavelli when he says that men are obstinate in their ways and that they fail when they do not conform to their circumstances. My frame was too strong and I should have given in just a little bit.

• The second thing that comes to mind is to not take a human's words at face value especially when it comes to feelings. I like to probe people's feelings and ideas and there is often the case that a person's motives, actions, and desired effects are misaligned. For example, my ex confessed to me that she hated that I flirted with her before we were together. I asked her why, it was because she liked me. Makes no fucking sense! I went in to kiss her, she dodges it and runs into the restroom while I let out a hearty laugh. I ask her why she did that. She ran away because she wanted to kiss me. The situation with this girl feels similar.

Possible solution:

I think the way I'm going to try to fix this kind of behavior is by calling it out when it happens. There was a couple of times where I grabbed my crush's hand. One time I gently grabbed it because she asked me what it felt like to have a roach crawl on your skin. I tear off a dry twig from a near by bush, I grab her hand, and gently scrape the stick over her hand. Another time I gently grabbed her hand is because I noticed purple markings. I asked her if it was a wound but it turns out it was just purple marker.

I tend to be attracted to shy girls, so I can see myself being in these kinds of situations for a long, long time. When I notice a girl pulling away, I'm going to call her out on it and ask her if I make her nervous, playfully say that I can be trusted and then ask for her hand back to prove it or perhaps say that she can hold my hand first before I hold hers.

I'm considering talking to her one more time, saying that I can take it easy and that I'd like to get to know her on her terms and then just walking away into the sunset until she contacts me again - if she ever does. I still think she's salvageable because the conversation and signs are excellent and because her only complaint is that I am too assertive and cross her touching boundaries.

The reason I'm going to just walk away is because I'm graduating college and she's staying behind. Yup. That's life.

Have any of you guys been in a situation like this? Were you able to solve it or did you have to abandon it?