Advice on getting through oneitis/ relationship dependency.

shiboozle · 2016-06-06T02:13:02+00:00

You're young. Take this opportunity to get new hobbies, try things you've always wanted to do. Take your time, healing takes a large amount of time, but it does get better.

When my last relationship didn't work out, it took me 3 months to get over it. I started biking everyday, lifting more, eating cleaner, and overall becoming a better me. Took me 2 years before I felt like a new me version 2.0.

Use this as a chance to grow. Get to know yourself all over again and become the person you want to be.

Cheers mate.

__lloyd · 2016-06-06T03:12:19+00:00

This is a really sad spot to be in. I was in a very similar spot about a year ago. If my guess is correct tho, the reason you guys are broken up is because you needed her for all these things?

One thing you say here:

I feel like absolute shit if I'm alone

makes me think you need to find a way to validate yourself on your own. This is a key skill in general, and really spills over into all facets of life, but nevertheless its obviously important here. So i would say..... find ways to do that. Find ways to validate yourself on your own. Until that happens there really wont be an opportunity for your gf or women or people in general to validate you as being able to take effect on themselves and on the world.

As for healing, the following have been HUGE in my process, and i tried a lot. Here's what worked:

1. Meditation. This is so essential for learning how to fully enjoy life. I recommend the book Presence by Rupert Spira. It comes in two volumes and it has been incredible to read in my times of suffering and even now in my times of real happiness and growth. Non-religious too so it works wherever you're at with that.
2. Get in shape. Having a consistent exercise routine becomes rewarding pretty quickly. Its best, i think, if you are doing some cardio along with some good weight training and working up from there. If you arent already doing this, you get results quite quickly, and it will put you in a good frame of mind moving forward.
3. Maintain perspective. This stuff can take some time. Depending on what your habits were it may take a little while to return to an emotionally healthy state of being. Just realize, tho, that the things we persist in tend to get reinforced, whatever it is we choose to persist in.

Anyway, i'm actually almost crying trying to consider your grief right now man. Life is really cruel sometimes. If you feel up to trying those things out i think they can really help. And if you need someone to talk to you, the community and i are here. Best of luck friend.

geodukemon · 2016-06-06T05:50:23+00:00

I'm a 19m and I broke up kinda recently too, and I have the exact same problem as you. I've done a copious amount of psychoanalysis on myself, and I think my findings might be able to help. I'm not all that different from you.

I relied on her to feel good

I did that to every single girlfriend I had, and I ended up suffocating every single one, or becoming so neurotic that they were driven away from me. The "me" that they had fallen in love with wasn't there anymore. I really just invested myself and cared too much, because I realized that without a girl, I was nothing but lonely.

What you've got to do is convince yourself of the opposite, and to gain some independence. You have to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I think the key to doing this is to focus on yourself. Cliche as fuck, I know. But it's true. Work out, make friends, focus on your passions, better yourself as a person. You're not doing this just because driven people are sexy as fuck, but you're doing this because you want to consolidate your belief in yourself. Your over-reliance on others for happiness is a sign that you have some insecurity in your life, and that shit has to go for you to get a nice, fulfilling relationship that will last.

More importantly, focus on your future. I assume you're still in college, given that you're 20. Fucking study. Focus on figuring out your passion, and figure out what you might wanna be when you graduate. When you set sights on that, set a goal related to that. A lofty, very hard goal. Shoot for the stars with this. Get excited for it, then work for it. Working blindly is hard, but working towards and end goal is much more rewarding.

After all this, you'll come out a better person. Who knows, you might even find someone along the way.

TheStumblingWolf · 2016-06-06T21:49:13+00:00

You need to make your own happiness. Find things you enjoy, pursue them and become a master if them.

Bluefish2288 · 2016-06-06T19:43:56+00:00

Thanks for all the support guys, it helps a lot knowing I have this awesome community for advice.

Title	Advice on getting through oneitis/ relationship dependency.
Author	Bluefish2288
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	June 6, 2016 12:09 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4mq71y/advice_on_getting_through_oneitis_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/advice-on-getting-through-oneitis-relationship.1407768 https://theredarchive.com/post/1407768

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