Hi guys,

Would really appreciate some advice on where I'm going wrong on the first date here. It's becoming quite frustrating and if you can give any tips I'd be most appreciative. Here are a couple of recent examples for critique:

  1. House mate of a friend. Met her a few times, and then went on a boat trip with friends where there was a lot of flirting, kino, teasing etc. between us ie. as much as could happen in a group. Thought interest signs were strong, so later suggested we get a drink together soon. Went out an evening the next week. Ended up meeting a bit later than expected, and also didn't know she had to work early (5am) the next day, so figured it would just be a couple of drinks this time. Date went fairly well; mostly got her talking about herself, was cheeky and funny, started initiating kino early, went to two places, sitting close, hand on leg etc. Went for the goodbye kiss at the end, no chance any earlier, and it was a bit awkward on her part although I think I did my part reasonably well...?

Called her that weekend to suggest getting together again, knew she was going to be away for a while as well so would be after that. Response was lukewarm so I'm considering it a dead end and haven't contacted her since, and neither has she.

Analysis? Don't think there's much more I could've done. Escalated as best I could considering the situation. Despite showing the initial interest, she decided against it.

  1. Is more annoying. Two-year older girl from Tinder, with 8 yr old kid. Was only slightly attracted to her, but figured may as well pursue as usual. Date went much better than 1. Went to first place of my choice, then on to a second place she suggested. Vibe was good, plenty of kino, then when walking back went for a much more well received kiss. After that we were walking arm around shoulders for a bit. Potential screw-up - thought she went to take my hand, so took hers, but seems not; "oh, we're like that already?" was her response although I thought she initiated it... This is after I'd initiated the much more dominant arm over shoulder stuff. Rats.

Anyway we were far from my place, she was on a bike and I suspected the kid was a logistics issue for her place. Expected second date wouldn't be a problem, but seems not: sent a message a few days later saying "hey, not free this week, but how about we get together next week?", response "I think you sent this to the wrong person"!! me, "actually, my phone is working perfectly again" (I've been having phone trouble), her "well I didn't ask to see you this week". Wtf? Bit of a flip of the usual etiquette... Held frame with "yeah, like I say can't do this week anyway, but next week's ok". Nothing after that. Sent holler text about getting together again today but not expecting to hear back.

Analysis? Quite annoying. She was clearly healthily in my "league", and especially with the kid would've thought she was keen for something at least a bit of fun. She complained that she doesn't meet guys otherwise and is (probably) new to online dating. Plan for second would've been invite her over to my place... Perhaps she expected me to invite her back the first night? At the time I thought logistics would've made instant decline from her, but I think I need to make it a policy of essential make-out (already ok) and also at least invite back to my place. Thoughts?

Honestly, I'm starting to think that anything less than sex on the first date isn't even worth post date contact these days...

Any feedback appreciated