I'm a newbie and maybe I don't understand it completely, but it seems like everyone says that if you are to have any chance with a girl, you basically have to pretend that you don't want to have sex with her, make her your girlfriend, be fuckbuddies or whatever.

I guess I should explain that I'm a 21 year-old virgin turning 22 soon, never even kissed a girl, but I really want to have some girl company, have sex, so on. I may not be the most handsome guy, or even the smartest despite fitting the skinny nerd stereotype, but I've some things happening in my life, I'm not a complete loser. I see guys fooling around, looking happy with their girlfriends, and yeah, I feel envious, but it's not like I base my entire existence on it, I just want to experience it.

But the way seddit puts it, basically showing any overt desire for sexual companionship is a one-way ticket to r/ForeverAlone, and you need to fight the mentality that "yeah, I'm lonely and horny and kind of jealous, and you look hot, and friendly, and available, do you want to go out?" because it comes off as desperation? I don't really get it, I've known guys who got girls, even really attractive ones, despite not being half the shit that seddit says you need to be or do to attract women (abundance mentality, really confident, got their shit in order, are in shape and socialize a lot, meditation, etc), and being really desperate for sex and companionship, and, well...

What should be my takeaway, that I shouldn't even think of trying to get sex and relationships until I've got everything fully on track and am completely self-confident and got rid of my intense desire for a girlfriend in favor of a casual "whatever" attitude, or is the main point "just talk to her and ask her out, bro" and everything else is just optional embellishment to be taken with a grain of salt?