Finances in the marriage: not "how much money" but "how should I give her money" and what should I expect in return?

Hi,

what's the redpill way to deal with finances in the "classic" marriage, when the wife does not earn a lot?

My wife earns a small amount of money ATM. She's able to earn more, she would just have to start selling her work (handmade stuff, people want to buy this). She's also in 2nd month of pregnancy.

In the past I gave her money and my experience is that the more I gave her, the more unhappy she was. MAYBE this had something to do with me, being the "nice guy", I gave her a lot but expected sex in return, and as we all know, this is a real turn off. So, as I found The Red Pill (THANK YOU RED PILL!) and started doing stuff to improve myself - here I am now - gym 3-4x/wk, lost 7 kgs, re-started my favorite hobby (DJing), earning proper money, taking care of my own shit. In the meantime, I got her pregnant and it looks like it made her pretty happy, and honestly, I'm pretty happy too. In the past months I kept thinking, that while I am still young (I'm 35), I should get as much children as I can afford, because I'll be 60-70 pretty soon. So, I got myself another kid and I'm glad about it.

But, let's get back to my question. What should I expect in return? She's staying at home so the first reasonable thing to expect is her making all the chores. Or, whatever - not all, but things I need is: my clothes ironed and the kitchen cleaned up after she + kids eat. What else do you suggest? As attractiveenss is not negotiable and expecting sex in return for stuff is being a typical nice guy, I guess this is out of question. Also, she's taking care of the kids.

On the other hand, I feel like this is a good moment to do some bargain with her. Also, I'd love to declare how long am I going to support her, because this makes no sense to give her money when the "new" kid goes to kindergarten (about 4 years from now) and she'll be able to fully take off with her busines life.

Please, give me some suggestions or point me to the proper literature.

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Don't have a classic marriage(you don't have the power). And if you do, don't be the sole bread winner. Advice over.

Well, actually I did not ask "should I be in a marriage or not" or "should I be a breadwinner", because I already decided this, so, as you seem to make a point or two, I'd appreciate you answer the actual question I asked.

actually it's reversed, the more unhappy she is the more money vou give her, see the pavlovian pathern emerging.

You're right. It was exactly like that.

Djing at 30? Now that is a stable career.

I'm 35 actually.

Oh, the old, pregnancy just happens spiel. Funny how it happened after your life started to take of and hers was still nowhere and

Well, it was my dick and my sperm inside her body, so I would not treat her pregnancy as "her fault".

Did you come to this mindset after you found out she was pregnant? Did you openly discussed "let's have a kid"

This does not matter at all now, also see above.

You can't expect anything,

Well, that's how life works, doesn't it?

I feel like this is a good moment to do some bargain with her.

yes, while she is pregnant, you are so out of touch I don't know whether to laugh or pity you.

No. While she asks for money. It is a good moment to describe what I want in exchange.

Continue your life like usual and wait. There will be a moment, a shitty conflict when she will escalate to show you that all your delusions of independence are not real and she owns your ass.

And what does "independence" means?

Who's truly independent? Give 3 examples, please.

Expect it, find a nice hotel or hooker for when it happens.

Well, as I already considered such options in my past, the answer is "thank you, but no. "

During the conflict when she starts to not even care if she makes sense

AWALT

So prepare for a very messy and bloddy divorce down the line.

This would be happening right now, if it was meant to happen. We had enough good occasions to do it.

[–]LS_D0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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Stop shaming me

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Get 'outta here.

Besides, he said he had children because he wanted them. You're the one who said that wasn't true, but you just said "You know your context better than me" (and I'm assuming you mean that goes for OP too, fair is fair) but first you told him "No, I know your context better than you and she'll just set up you for divorce rape, etc. etc.".

So what I'm saying is I think your advice is pretty irrelevant, especially going off of some of the other statements you made. I'm not shaming you for your choices, I said if you don't want to have kids or get married or have an LTR or whtever it's fine. I'm not saying you're not manly because you don't have/want kids, but I'm saying it's not unmanly to want them. Both are fair game I think, and the TRP literature agrees with me (especially now that there has been a pretty big shift of accepting LTRs).

No hard feelings man, not trying to attack you personally. Just saying that your advice is irrelevant to a married dude who wants kids, and you're making a ton of assumptions that the wife will divorce rape him and most other stuff you said. He was asking about step C, and then you described outcomes X, Y, and Z to him.

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[–]LS_D-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

yeah it's funny how ESL people sometimes use words 'more correctly' than their native english speaking friends!

I had an Israeli friend who used to make me laugh with her use/understanding of English, which was very good, but too 'specific'

e.g. I say "look at the sky" and she replied "what guy?"

another time she said "are you going to work? but she pronounced 'work' to rhyme with fork/pork/cork! lol Which makes complete sense btw, when you think about it . . . "talk/tork--stalk/stork" and"walk/work" and so on! It was pretty funny sometimes!

So I'm getting out of the bed, to go to work, when I hear her say from under the covers ...

"are you going to walk?"

to which I reply "to work?" (as I was getting up to go to work) ...

and she says "no, to walk?(work)" and I say "no, lifto is picking me up"

and she says "so you are going to walk/work then?"

and I say "no, not to work" ...

and so it went back and forth until I realized wtf?! lol I thought she was just sleepy from the good fucking she'd been getting! hehe!

I couldn't stop laughing when I did realise what was happenening!

It was a version of "who's on first ... " lol classic stuff!

They learn english too 'perfectly' but becoz she had rarely spoken it with a native, she had all these cute little quirks! She was a quick learner

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[–]JJTheJetPlane56570 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

"Accidents" like pregnancy don't happen when the women has something to loose. Yes it does matter, i know that admiting that makes you feel like shit but this is not feel good camp.

It was my choice. Hers too. The fact that we did not discuss it earlier doesn't change much.

Pregnacy is the ultimate pussy pass, you can not win a confruntation and you certainly can't strong arm her into behaving a certain way.

Well, in my marriage it will be a pussy pass only if I decide it.

I'll give you one: she is staiyng at home entertainint her passion while her SO brings home the bacon. I don't think you ever forbid her from doing anything, I don't think she gives a fuck about her responsibilities and I think she answers to no one but her self, so that my friend would be independence.

Thank you for sharing with us what you think and what you don't think.

My initial question about money, wrongly worded or not, stays unanswered.

it actually makes a world of difference but keep underestimate her and enjoy it while it lasts.

Again not under your control.

It's not the words it's about context.

Ok, considering your relationship I would give her money only with purpose. No creative spending allowed. As soon as she protests you tell her to start bringing home the bacon with her "projects".(this will be hard as fuck the first two years after the baby is born but you say that it won't be a problem for you). Keep your finances separate don't share to many assets and have random outbursts of generosity at least 2 times a year. Besides that live minimalistic, not like irish peasants but to be safe in 5 years(sorry I don't see you living of of music for more than 5-7 years, but maybe you are some psy trap genius). If she asks for more tell her about the kids education to shut her up. She can spend her money as she wishes but she has no right on yours.

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Title	Finances in the marriage: not "how much money" but "how should I give her money" and what should I expect in return?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	59
Date	July 26, 2014 6:23 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2brgae/finances_in_the_marriage_not_how_much_money_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/finances-in-the-marriage-not-how-much-money-but.140946 https://theredarchive.com/post/140946

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