Do you think being outcome independent is a form of letting her take the lead? Do you know of any reading material for where your game is to setup her to make the significant next moves? I'm almost beginning to think one of the major conflicts is that a lot of women see themselves as "decision makers" even though they refuse to be "leaders" or at least get good at it. So they get insulted that guys are making decisions for them, even though they make it clear they weren't going to take a leading role.

So it seems, ironically, the very best game would be to supplement her leading, even though that's the very thing women say they do with men.