I am having hard times holding mindsets relevant to self-help and seduction. HELP!

M_Knight1 · 2016-07-16T18:39:40+00:00

"In theory, the greater action you take, the sooner you will start seeing results. This is predominately true, with the following two caveats. Simply going through the motions — without applying knowledge and critically reflecting on the outcome — will not lead to better results. You can instead inadvertently reinforce bad habits this way. Secondly, it is more important to aim for sustainable progress than sporadic achievement. The diet that works the best is the one that is both practical and sustainable. Fasting might provide you with good results for a week, but it is definitely not sustainable in the long term. Likewise, your routine for bettering your social skills over the long term also needs to be both practical and sustainable.

When I started, I personally treated every Friday and Saturday night as I would a required university class. No matter how I felt, I forced myself to commute 90 minutes to a bar in a larger city to spend four hours socializing before commuting 90 minutes back home. Given my work obligations, geographic location and public transportation times, this was the best that I could manage. However, after a year I had dug myself out of scarcity, had very consistent results and was dating multiple women a week. If you can afford the time, I would recommend scheduling in more social activities per week. Even dinners out with friends can be useful to break trends of social isolation and boost your social mood. Like any other skill, social skills need to be worked out. While bars and clubs are useful because of the high concentration of available women, they are by no means the only places where you can go. Online websites which organize events, such as Meetup or Couchsurfing, provide great alternatives. I would recommend not drinking alcohol during the nights out which you treat as “training nights,” since it may impede your routine’s sustainability both financially and health-wise. Plus, you do not want to become reliant on alcohol as a crutch when you want to socialize.

When starting out, the only metric I gave myself for success was that actually I went out and to the best of my ability stayed in conversation with women the entire time. I was only hard on myself the nights where I would chicken out and not approach anyone. These squandered nights also made the additional three hours of commute time a waste. The secret to becoming successful with women is no different than the secret to finding success in anything. At the end of the day, it all boils down to persistently taking action. In the words of basketball star Michael Jordan:

“I can accept failing, but I can’t accept not trying.”

It is important to choose the right metrics for measuring progress and success. Evaluate yourself by asking the following questions: “Did I push myself out of my comfort zone?”; “Was I speaking and acting honestly?”; “How did I make the other person feel?”; “How did I feel?”; “Which unattractive behaviors was I displaying, and what caused them?”

Even small steps add up over long enough time periods. Real change will appear over the course of weeks and months, not necessarily days. Within a year, you may not be able to even conceive how you had issues with women in the first place. A key to making a plan sustainable is learning to enjoy the process.

...

After spending 8 to 10 hours staring a computer screen or textbook in isolation, especially while working on complex tasks which require laser focus, the human mind is about as far removed as possible from being in a fun and social state. Unfortunately for many of us, this has become our default state. After a week filled with back to back days like these, even going out on a Friday night may seem like more work than fun. Especially if we plan to use that time to overcome anxiety and push our comfort zone to meet women. Many people choose to use alcohol as a way to unwind and more easily transition to a more social state. A more sustainable and comprehensive solution than alcohol is to work out our social skills and build momentum.

The more often we transition from a lower to higher energy state, the easier it becomes. Our neural pathways for being social will grow wider as the process becomes more routine. When entering a venue, I recommend starting a conversation with a stranger as soon as possible, preferably a pretty woman. Talking with your friends will not give you the same adrenaline kick and challenge as when trying to engage a pretty stranger. Even if the conversation fizzles out, which will often happen early on in a night, you will have still boosted your energy and started building momentum. By the time you enter your third or fourth conversation of the night, you will likely find yourself in a much higher state of flow. This micro-momentum that you build every time that you go out can scale to macro-momentum in longer periods of your life."

The above passage is an excerpt from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

scionblue · 2016-07-16T19:43:57+00:00

Hey,

First, these are only my opinions. There are many different ways to achieve your objective. But we can all agree that you are "training" to achieve something. Different people respond to different types of training. Use the advice that you feel best suits you.

When dealing with game/pickup most people think you’re simply talking about women. Seducing women is only a small part of game. The game is about seducing LIFE to bend to your will. Always remember that. The ability to seduce life to bend to your will IS power. And we all know women naturally gravitate to this power (it’s just embedded in their DNA) As long as you are not hurting anyone and making people’s lives around you better everything is fair game.
Everyone is born with this Power. But it will never be powerful enough to DO anything unless it is cultivated. The only way to cultivate this power is through training. Video games are not your problem. Video games have not fucked up your life. Your training and belief system is your problem. And what I mean by that, is the methods you are attempting to use to get you to where you wish to be.
There is no such thing as being the best at anything. That is just a relative term thrown around. There is simply trained and untrained. The best TRAINED are usually considered "the best". They are considered the best because they live and breath "the fundamentals" of what they are training to such a degree that their talents begin to work on autopilot thus their belief system changes. Therefore, you must think of yourself as an athlete. The athlete mindset must be there. And every athlete knows that somedays you can be off your game. But every athlete also knows that the only way to get better is by better training. The one way every athlete knows to become worse is to STOP training. But every athlete also knows to celebrate the small victories. If you are always beating yourself up and never congratulating yourself the effectiveness of your training will suffer. You’re basically telling your abilities, “What’s the point?” Your drive and passion will eventually give out and you will start to feel “uninspired and afraid”.
The objective you're trying to achieve is to change your belief system (inner game). And the only way to do that is by actually believing you can be that person you want to be and having a plan. The way to do this is small consistent steps. You MUST be consistent. And the only way to become consistent is to TRAIN yourself to become consistent. It always comes back to the training. Your belief system affects your training. Your training affects your belief system. Consistent effort is MANDATORY.
Self-improvement is a marathon, not a race. You get knocked down. But are you going to stay down? If you stay down you will never be happy. If you get back up you have a better chance at being happy and YOU LEARNED SOMETHING. Learning something is how you change your belief system.
It’s only natural to imitate those who we wish to be. They have the skills that we want. In almost every endeavor the student imitated the “leaders” in that field first. However, they eventually became their own person. Imitation is similar to training wheels, they're necessary at first but only you know when they need to come off. But this can only happen through sustained effort.
Always remember, you are a mental, physical and social athlete first. Train just as hard as those athletes you see on television. But also know when to take it easy. If you enjoy playing video games then play video games. Just don’t use video games (or anything else) as a crutch to not train. Good luck. I wish you the best.

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-07-16T16:52:25+00:00

You started in the totally wrong place. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single misstep.

LiveLongAndFI · 2016-07-16T19:53:46+00:00

I find having a goal helps me to stay on track. Everything is Ok in moderation, video games are Ok as long as they don't take over the rest of your life. What helped me in the past is to sign up for a 10k race with a goal to run it in less than an hour. It got me off my computer and I started training with a group of people.

NOTcreative- · 2016-07-17T05:21:45+00:00

Learn to love yourself first, the rest will come. Start breaking social norms, where whatever you feel like wearing. You don't need to go buy shit. Once you love yourself people will gravitate to you. All sorts of people.

amouthforwar · 2016-07-16T16:37:21+00:00

First of all, youre aware of what needs changing and how to do it because youve done so in the past. The hard part is self discipline and commitment. If youre addicted to video games, how do you handle it? Different people use different tactics. Some people need to quit cold turkey (sell your pc/console, never look back), some people can taper off (replace gaming free time with other hobbies or responsibilities, or force yourself to earn time to play by doing something else beforehand. I.e. if i wanna play games all night, i have to hit the gym and then go for a run first). How you decide whats best for you is your own call, but be honest with yourself.

That said, in terms of game. Dont imitate others styles. Some people can pull off not giving a fuck, others need to give a lot of a fuck for their own good. What styles of fashion, speaking, and approach vibe best with you? Build your social game around that.

Title	I am having hard times holding mindsets relevant to self-help and seduction. HELP!
Author	KawnN
Upvotes	39
Comments	10
Date	July 16, 2016 3:54 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4t53qg/i_am_having_hard_times_holding_mindsets_relevant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-having-hard-times-holding-mindsets-relevant.1409677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1409677

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