This weekend I finally said it's time to put myself out there. I cant explain what did it but I just got fed up with how I've spent my time. I'm a junior undergrad at USC and I realized I just haven't put myself out there socially. I have friends and people that know me on campus of course, but no solid social circle, just me.

Why? It sounds so silly now all the reasons I didn't go out and experience what this school has to give but that's life. The reasons are stupid insecurities, thinking that since the average person here has looks like a motherf***** I used to not value myself. I probably looked at myself as even less attractive just b comparing myself other people instead of just focusing on myself. I smoked a lifesworth of weed to cure these anxieties (I'm talking about an unhealthy amount, atleast 3g's a day for 2 1/2 years). Being high would cure my anxieites and also cause them later. It was an endless cycle. About the same goes with porn. Porn is a crutch I've loved for 10 years. Porn is bad. And then 6 months ago I found out that I have a sleeping disorder; narcolepsy. At 20 learning about a dissibility that has affected your life makes you rethink things. At first I looked at it pretty negatively now I just accept it. Anyways, enough of the backstory, everyone goes through their own journey. I want to add that I'm also working on fixing behaviors from narcissistic abuse: Everyone is a bit narcissistic but my Dad was an extreme case. My behavior around my parents is conditioned. It's how I grew up, a part of me. I'm happy to be aware so I can change those pathways in my brain and those behaviors so I can feel like a normal, social person. The abuse basically caused my brain to be very nice to everyone with an urge to please them, and that socially I look at all people as threats instead of social beings since growing up no matter what I did it would never be good enough.

 

Anyways: ENOUGH of the backstory. The weekend come; I decide to go out for the first time in months. It's time. Usually I'll go to a houseparty with 1 or 2 guy friends, we wing for each other, its kind of bad, and that's about that. I ask around and no one wants to go out. It was a relief and a sense of nervousness at the same time. I've never gone out alone. I hadn't gone out this semester besides weekly football tailgates, this would be interesting. Let me just say this: going out with friends is fun because you get to crack jokes and do dumb shit, but what I learned is that friends massively pull your game back. When you are on your own you're only worried about yourself and you having a good time. There aren't any liablities and it just put me in a different mindset. It's Friday night, I get to the first party. It's 2000's rap throwback themed I get there 11:30pm, it started at 10. Campus police are already shutting it down. It's early. The uber asks if I want to go back I get out the car and start talking to people. It was easy to open. I was confused. I was like this is how hard it is?? It was fun. Even if it was a bad interaction, I was having fun. A lot of the time girls just said they were going home or I could tell they didn't want to talk to me - my game was probably newbie bad but I was on a mission. After moving around a bit 3 asian girls invite me to join their uber; they're going back to frat row. The frats are on 27th and I live on 28th st. Here's how frat parties work here: Any girl can get in with an ID, for guys there's a list (each member gets to put up 1 guy) there's about 7 or 8 girls to each guy. They were going to a frat that I had gone to events with; so I didn't worry about the list. I was hoping someone would recognize me and say I'm good to go. It happened after 5-10 mins. I've been to frat tailgates before but this was my first register. Registers are where the frat will inform the police about the party so they don't shut it down early. Each frat gets one per semester and they blow like 30k.

I get in and it was what you'd imagine it to be. The party was called "Fire and Ice" so there's this flame thing that goes around and an ice room. DJ's, lights, foam, girls dancing on tables, etc. Easy environment but you can't hear much; I'm opening around just to try and meet everyone. In the first 10 minutes I started making out with this girl and she slid my hand under her dress. She wanted to go home with me. It was too early and she wasn't in the right mindset. I turned her down (hadn't made out w a girl before this in 2 years). I kept meeting and meeting people, got a few numbers, it was fun. The first half of a party I usually will move around and the second half follow up with good interactions or stick to one group. The police shut it down around 1:30 and I find these three girls. One is short, one perfect height, and the third I have no recollection of. Me and taller girl hit it off. We're flirting back and fourth, exchange numbers early on, she's grabbing my arm, It goes well. We're waiting outside the house for our uber; I get them to invite me to come with since I don't feel like walking a block (really I just want to talk to the girl). I expected to get 100% blown out and have a crummy first night out alone but it was actually a blast. I got to make out with someone, met a girl that actually might be cool, and played the night out alright.

 

Saturday: I hear there's two more registers. One of my friends who's running the event says it's too late to get on the list but come by. Text girl from last night to come out she said she's going to try - don't end up seeing her. I get to the party around 10:45 and it's too packed. Way too packed. There's a faster side for girls and even that is overflowing. I'm talking to the bouncers who have the list and ask them to bring out my friend. He comes out and tells me sorry it's just too full. I guess 600+ people showed up in the first half hour. He says to try the side gate (exit). Bouncers are there too and I see a frat bro there; my friend comes out and tries it's just not a good night to get in. There's too many people. It's around 11:30 now. Down the bloack there's another register it's a paint party or something. I didn't know anyone in the frat, just one name of a kid I knew my freshman year. Since shouting out names and saying so and so told me to come works about 80% of the time, I try it. Turns out he's not in the frat anymore. They ask me to name 3 people in the frat, I can't. Good to note for next time. Now I know the row by the inside and out as a junior. Even though I'm not in a frat I know the exits and entrances from sharing the allys my freshman year and this year.

&bsp;

Each house has a back attached to an allyway: the back of my apartment shares this ally with the frats/sororities. I tried climbing fences, going through the nextdoor house that some girls let me into, etc. I climbed one of the fences but it was too tall. It wasn't worth it and the party would get shut down soon anyways so I gave up and started to game on the street. Eventually I decide it's time to go home and start walking through the ally. On the way I bump into 3 or 4 international students from India; I recognize them they live at the next apartment over also sharing the ally w the frats. They said they've been watching me talk and strike up conversations with girls on the street and ask how I do it. I was pretty surprised to be noticable since I usually just blend in. The first thing I expalin is that it doesn't matter how you do it.

 

Normally if random dudes asked me about this stuff I would turn the other day. But it was my second day in the game and the fact that it had looked like I was doing something right or maybe simply that I wasn't afraid to try and talk to a bunch of the girls convinced me to help them. I decided to teach them. I bring out whatever knowledge I have for 5-10 minutes giving the top tips I've learned from Todds/Julien/tyler's videos. Just to get them going. I mention to them that it doesn't matter where you're from or what you look like. I look full Asian and I'm only half and grew up here, and obviously sometimes race is going to affect who is attracted to you but you'll never be able to tell if you don't just try. Some girls will like you, some wont, thats that. I tell them to start meeting as many as possible and by doing so it'll get better and easier. I tell them it's not even easy for me it just looks that way because I simply don't care. I'm aware that most of the girls are not going to be interested at this point but down the line by doing this enough and cleaning up my act, eventually more will be. They mention some girls walking down the street and ask how I would open to them. I take this as an opportunity and run up and say some bullshit, it works, I get a phone number, and come back. They're shocked. I think I just yelled and said wait and ran up to them. They understand now. We exchange info and they go to bed. Having that feeling of teaching or helping people motivated me. If I was on my own I probably wouldn't have opened those girls down the street and would have just kept walking home but that feeling of teaching really motivated me.

 

One guy stays behind and asks if he can walk with me down the street to talk to girls. I open to one group; the girls don't go here but are from UCSB. They hop into a car and I notice the driver is drunk. I stop her and try my best pleading for her not to drive. I'm not gaming this is just a story; It disappointed me that they drove anyways, can't change their choice. I then bumped into a group of 5 or 6 girls, lost trying to walk to an apartment complex I know of a couple blocks away. The kid observing is still with me and I tell him I'm walking them home. He says he's walking back and says he respects and understands the game a bit better. I walk the girls back, theres this amazing silver haired asian girl I hit it off with. I'm not sure what happened next and it was really late but basically we walked around the complex or something and then I took off. None of them lived there but they were waiting for someone. A blonde sweedish girl says she's not waiting and will just get an uber to her place. I ride with her and get her to drop me off on the way; # close and she texts me her name, I text back mine and to get home safe, call it a night.

From these past two days, also my first two days, I've noticed that even if I'm not thinking about what to do that because Ive watched the videos and spent time on them, naturally you pick up some of the techniques. It doesn't matter how little or how much you know, the amount of practice you've done or your backstory. In the game it doesn't mattter. Those guys thought I was doing something right and something most guys are too afraid to do. I was just having fun. I did what I did 100% on my own this weekend because it was fun. I'm kicking myself for not TRYING sooner. Any input on this is appreciated or any comments, I'm happy to share my story here. It's a long read but I think it makes sense. Friends will come in the processes that I can go out with I'm sure. Those first nights of being on your own are awesome though. PS, Hopefully meeting friday night girl at the cafe tongiht; we'll see if we both get our work done.