So after 2 and a half or so months of no contact I broke down and checked her instagram. A little about our break up. We are both 25, but we were both in two different stages in life. I was still in college working towards my degree while she was established with her job as a vet tech. She lived a hard life, father ran out on her when she was little, had no dad growing up, struggled with anorexia and use to binge on diet pills to get skinny but stopped..she was kinny when i met her. Her financial situation was awful, she lived with her mom in a bad part of town. Her mother was always sick from when she was 16, had diabetes, MERCA in her foot, and other conditions that rendered her unable to walk. She had a tough job that ate a lot of her time while also taking care of her mother. What ever time was left over, we would use to spend with each other, which was two days max weekly. I tried to support her through the depression, but when things got tough and she started to grow distant, I became needy and she distanced herself more until she broke up with me. What i got out of it was, She was bored with our relationship. What she wanted, was someone she could travel around and experience things with...go to different cities etc...live life fully..she never has been outside her town...because without a boyfriend, she had no friends, no one besides her mother and other family she had no real connection with. She's relationship dependant in that way. She suffered from depression with her bad living conditions, and had no one to share experiences with, so she needed someone to go along with her to experience things with. She wanted a mature man, to her I was immature...and I feel like I failed the relationship with my in experience and I failed to provide what she wanted. I failed to keep her. Because I was in college and limited on money and time with my major, I couldn't give that all to her...two different stages in life . She became bored with me, and left. I was immature since she was my first real relationship, so I was needy/overbearing and tried to keep it all afloat when she was getting emotionally detached the last 3 months and didn't give a fuck about me when we've been dating for a year...I was trying so hard to make it work based on what she said was wrong..but it didn't work, she didn't love me anymore. When we broke up, she immediately met someone new online on okcupid ( we met there), and in a week or two, was in a new relationship. She left her old job that was causing her stress, and when everything got easier for her to manage she didn't want to make us work. I looked up the guy. He is 30, 5 years older than me(we are both 25). He is a game developer/ 3 d artist and makes decent income, is taller, good looking, dresses better, looks mature ...and based on how she acted on instagram, she said she "loved him so much" after only a month and a half of dating him...is that normal?...and all this other shit about how he makes her "so happy", how she makes him breakfast and dinner and all that to show how much she cares for him and one pic that basically made it seem like I was the devil. They went to chicago and split the vacation, the everglades, all these places she said she wanted to go...that I couldn't do to make her happy...I know I'm not obligated to do it since i'm in school...but ouch man, it just hurts so much to see how she seemingly "upgraded" so quickly with this "stud", while i'm in the dumps.

It...just sucks. I've been doing a lot of reading on how to stay positive, be confident, I read models by mark manson, looked up RSD videos on social dynamics...she really messed me up, I've been constantly blaming myself for how I wasn't good enough, how I failed. This is the hardest i've ever had to look in myself to change, because I want to be better, I want to be successful with women, my career, all of it. I feel like a loser that she left me, like I wasn't good enough. I'm fairly athletic, recently I tore my shoulder working out..so i can't workout anymore unless I get surgery...which i can't afford. I developed this envy, and jealousy of the guy. How. How is it possible that her life can be going so much better doing all the things this guy is giving her, while my life is going downhill, with my shoulder torn? I was the one that got screwed, she tore me up, and 2 months later I'm still balling my eyes out knowing she's plowing this guy leagues above me at the moment. I have 2 semesters left till i graduate with an engineering degree, i've been focusing on that, but after looking at how happy she is I can't focus. I gave my all to her, and she's saying she "loves" this guy after a month? It's like the entire year we dated was for nothing, like I was a "child" to her. My emotions are all over the place, what do i do?