Hi,

so, I went to the gym again yesterday.

I guess, that in my current shape, I get a real kick of endorphines during workout, because I just love both HIIT and lifting.

I don't have any goals there now. I don't plan to grow my muscles, I don't plan anything, I don't have a schedule - I just go there for the pure fun, and as far as I know, this is one of the best attitudes I can have. I don't want any goals there for now. All my plan is upper body, because my legs are pretty good, 3 times a week or more if I want to.

I can see my body changing on a daily basis and this is astonishing. I already had a good diet and a good deal of cardio before I started lifting.

I start to like myself. Like my body. I start to like the way I look .

I noticed, that when I was working after the gym, I had more energy. And, I got angry more often.

Testosterone, perhaps... finally! :-)

At the gym, I seen some people, some men, some women, greeting themselves, talking to each other... cool.

There was that plump girl who looked at me but immediately turned her head away when our eyes met - good sign, she was interested, cool, not that I am into her, but it is really a nice feeling after being called "shit" by wife, that some girl actually can look at me in a sexual way. Plump or not, THANK YOU, THAT WAS COOL. Attraction is not something we can choose. I am starting to be attractive. Goood.

And there was that slim short girl, who did some exercise and the way she did it was, well, interesting. I did not like her face though, she was a bit sad. Thought I would not bang her with all this sadness on her face. Anyway, when I was leaving, I decided I will approach her and tell her, that I have been watching her exercise and it was all good, the strength, the stamina, but it looks like she forgot to SMILE. I did that, then she smiled, told me that she was too focused on the exercise or something along this lines, and I told her that now I can leave without any worries about her being sad (sounds white-knight, but whatever). And I left. No number, no name, no nothing, just the smile, this is enough for me now. Then, in the car I had some sarcastic thoughts like "wtf, focusing on the lifting, how much focus do you need, this is not python programming" but on the other hand I can imagine, if she was training for some sport event, she needed that.

I approached her to communicate. To exercise flirting. To leave the cocoon.

And it felt fucking great.

The moment she smiled I felt warm in my stomach and thought that now I would bang her for sure. But I left. I did not go there to pick girls up. First, my personal life (divorce) and my proffessional life (few projects, and an exam). I am not in a position to propose a date. Maybe next month :-)

Funny.

I came to RedPill looking for relationship advice, found a lot of it.

But found something more profound than this.

I have found a system to rebuild my life.

I came to the gym to be more attractive for women.

Now I totally do not care if I am attractive or not (and I am getting more and more attractive).

I don't care if that girl I spoke with likes me or not. I am more confident. I love it. This is something worth living for.

Relationship? Not now. This is not my priority.

Chase is over.

Today I decided. I am selling all my consoles I bought autumn-winter 2013. I will leave only the trusty Xbox I bought year earlier. Everything else goes to sale. WiiU, PS4, old 8-bit computers too.

I had enough of the past.

I have different game now.

I want and I need contact with people. Unrestricted.

It is cool I took time to get all this old computers and that I went to the past. Because from the past, I brought a new message. I AM OKAY. I am totally fine with whatever I decide I am up to. This mindset helped me to decide that I want divorce. And then, I found TRP.

I want exercise. I want to lift. Not swim, not ride the bike, not the skates or the board, I want to lift. Build my body. Build my confidence.

After some time I get bored with it and do something else. But not now.

Thank you, past. You helped me a lot.

Thank you, TRP. You're my way of life now.

"Go to the gym", "lift weights" was like "read 'No more nice guys'". At first I thought, what the hell is it going to help?! But when I started... maaan. This is something words can not express.

THANK YOU RP!

EDIT: ... I'm gonna fucking SOCIALIZE.

First time in my life I want that and I don't want to avoid that.

Perhaps this is first time in my life I realized I can have social relations MY OWN WAY. Without toxic shame, without being sorry for who am I.