[Serious] at 30, I [M] still struggle daily with the embarrassment of self inflicted scars and it's trips my game.

SinSlayer · 2017-06-16T02:16:40+00:00

I also have self inflicted scars. When asked about them, I usually answer one of two ways;

"Yeah... That was a crazy party!"

Or (jokingly) "Cocaine is a hellava drug."

I don't go into detail until the relationship has progressed to that level of emotional disclosure.

Frommyiphone2 · 2017-06-16T02:46:38+00:00

Did you make symbols (swastikas? Pentagrams?) Is that part of the problem?

Before you can expect other people to accept you, you have to accept yourself. It's ok that you made mistakes when you were younger and this resulted in permanent scars. The scars don't define who you are, unless you let them. Your anxiety seems to come from how you got them and you feel embarrassed. Maybe you would feel different if you got them wrestling a bear, but you didn't and thats ok. Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. Or no one else will.

It's hard to accept this when you have low self-esteem, but the people who will judge you based on this, are not worth your consideration or attention.

Try to imagine if you met a girl who confided in you that she self mutilated when she was younger. Would you run the other way? No, you wouldn't, and neither will other people worth your time when you choose to tell them.

You don't have to tell the whole world or make a formal announcement before removing your shirt. You don't owe a full explanation to every bitch or asshole that asks. Maybe just say "shark bite" in those situations, or "it's a long story".

But if you are looking for a real connection with someone, be real. You are not a scarred man, you are a man who happens to have scars. Own it.

Maschalismos · 2017-06-16T02:52:21+00:00

Hey, OP, I hope I don't sound too ignorant, but maybe you could pass them off as fighting scars?

'What happened to you?'

' Ehhh, I got into a lot of 'trouble' when I was a kid. I've grown past it now, but I use these as reminders not to treat men's lives as playthings...'

Instantaneous turn-on 😉

Pluglord · 2017-06-16T02:16:31+00:00

Are they big scars?

recyclablebanthas · 2017-06-16T04:15:30+00:00

__1__

but this now means I can no longer take my shirt off when I swim and, should I ever get to be so lucky to bump fuzzies, may have to explain a part of my life that is altogether a mood killer and not something I want to bring up when I'm so close to home.

Bull fucking shit. You can damn well take off your shirt whenever you want. And you don't have to explain a damn thing if someone asks about them when sex is about to happen.

Your scars are part of your life journey. You wouldn't be the man you are today without the events connected to those scars. And you're not the man who made those scars now, either.

Own your past. Some people won't accept it. Some will.

__2__

My question is how much does this matter to ladies.

Wrong question. Also, you forgot your question mark. :P

This isn't even what you're really asking. You're kind of asking whether women will like you because you cut yourself.

Some women like a guy. Some won't like a guy. This is true whether or not the guy self-mutilated.

__3__

what is the most positive way to spin this when confronted with the task of having to do it.

Fuck spinnning this. OWN it.

"You were on some medication that had the side-effects of altering your brain chemistry and leading to feelings that led to cutting."

"And now you have these cool scars that make you look like a troubled superhero."

DONE. No spin required. So cut this nonsense out. (No pun intended.)

Jarn_Tybalt · 2017-06-16T15:17:44+00:00

"Fought a bear. Had the strength of 4 men. Whole story gets told on 5th date. Till then, you can wonder."

Or something. But def don't talk about depression or any shit like that early on. The key is to light, upbeat, someone people wanna hang around with.

The deep, "these are my personal problems/past" shit should only come out if it's about to turn into a relationship or you just want to be a close friend.

Most people have their own problems and if they don't know you, don't really wanna know how sad you were a few years ago. It's a downer, man.

If you wanna get laid, don't tell them sad depressing shit early. If you want a gf, then you can tell them all that shit once you are in the beginnings of a relationship.

Getting too deep, too fast, kills things more often than not.

Title	[Serious] at 30, I [M] still struggle daily with the embarrassment of self inflicted scars and it's trips my game.
Author	Throwaway_ok343
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	June 16, 2017 1:54 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6hjlw6/serious_at_30_i_m_still_struggle_daily_with_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/serious-at-30-i-m-still-struggle-daily-with-the.1429018 https://theredarchive.com/post/1429018

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