Preface:

I’ve been married for four years. The first year was pretty rough, but then we sort of bounced back from it and had periods with a decent sex life and not much conflict. But she required that we go on vacation together at least once a year or so and always made me regret it, not being interested in sex and fighting.

I’d become increasingly ambivalent and wondering if I’d be better off single. It didn’t help that she’d stopped working out and gradually gained a couple dress sizes. She had not gotten fat exactly, but the trend was not good and she was definitely less attractive than when we’d met 8 years before when she was mid 20s and I was early 30s.

Meanwhile last year I’d gone on a weight lifting program and had a better body than ever. Earlier this year I found the red pill on reddit and after reading the sidebar material and a couple Athol Kay books it helped crystalize some of what seemed wrong with the relationship and I tried to continue to raise my SMV to improve things.

She was commenting on how I looked good in tight shirts and how the cute woman at the airline ticket counter was flirting with me. And I tried to be a better leader in general and in the bedroom. But she is not a good follower. She is stubborn. She has daddy issues and is quick to anger.

The fight:

She said, “I’m going to need you to drive me to the train in 20 minutes”. I hesitated. She said, “what?” I said, “Last weekend when I went away I drove myself to the train and parked my car there. You could do that or you could walk there.”

She said, “OK, fine” and started angrily stomping around the house.

A while later I asked if she had packed a bag for the weekend. She acted angry that I was asking. I said, “Well, if you’d like me to put your bag in my car, you can leave it by the door.”

It came out that she was planning to drive and expecting me to take the train, or leave a car at her work. In her mind she thought that she had figured things out and already compromised when she told me that I needed to drive her to the train. This makes some sense, but I would have had to really think things through and/or be a mind reader to get that.

Anyway, she was mad that I was even asking about logistics and she didn’t want to talk about it.

She told me to stop talking. I told her I’d be happy to stop talking about it and she wouldn’t have to deal with me if she would focus on packing and leave. She increased her angry tone until she was standing next to me yelling at me.

I said, “stop yelling at me or I’m going to cancel the reservation [for dinner tonight]”. She didn’t stop and I canceled it. After she had been nasty to me for a little while longer I said, “don’t bother packing. I’m not going to pick you up tonight”. She said she didn’t want to go to the wedding anyway as she doesn’t like “those people” (my friends getting married) anyway.

She said, “We should probably just get divorced.” I agreed.

There was some more discussion. She asked what was the next step.

She said she was pretty sure I had cheated on her. I said (truthfully) that I had not. I mentioned the two times that she had betrayed me by going off the pill without telling me and snooping on me.

She noted that I didn’t seem happy. She said she was happy being together. After a while she said she was willing to step back from the edge and take responsibility for what happened, but she was only willing to say that we both could have handled it better.

So it seems she likes being married, but is not willing to really change her behavior to make it work. I think I may feel some renewed hope, though the logistics of separating the house, the pets, etc. are a bit daunting.

She just chatted, “I hope you change your mind” and tried to call.

It would be tempting to cave in and put off again what sometimes seems like the inevitable. I could use some perspective on the situation. I realize I didn't react perfectly. Thanks for reading this far.