Original post here

Hey guys, I messed up and now I am wondering whether I can regain momentum or not. I'd like some more male perspective on this considering I don't want a relationship but this boy is actually stunning. Oh and any insight on the short term effects of taking copious amounts of drugs would be welcome as well.

So I wrote the original post on Saturday asking what I should be doing to accelerate things with a very shy guy I'd been flirting with. I had said:

There is a small chance I'll get a text tonight but in all likelihood our next interaction will be in person on Tuesday and/or Wednesday.

Oh boy. I was totally surprised to receive a text inviting me to a party he was going to on Saturday night itself. I thought to myself 'Great! We can totally get it on in the context of a house party' and then I was wondering if he was just inviting me as a friend as he had invited his only other friend from class who happens to be from his home town etc. After a little playful questioning on my part he told me that I was 'definitely not a bro'. So I went out with my friends then joined him at the flat he was at.

When I arrived we were flirting and he was teaching me rude Spanish drinking phrases. We were sharing lots and lots of jokes and singing songs etc. I didn't know anybody else at this party but I do well in social situations so I was hanging out with some people and he and I would be doing our own thing and check in with each other. He was drunk and I was catching up so he would bring me drinks and we'd chat. It looks like I went a bit selfie crazy because I have found a bunch of pictures of us on my phone. I went to the bathroom several times which was in the same direction as the exit he'd physically stop me and be like 'are you leaving!?' etc. He was really enjoying himself and would leave to talk to his friends as they arrived and I would go back to talking/dancing with other people. Everybody was aware that I was this guy's friend from our dance class and not a friend of the host. Several people asked me what I thought of him and I was honest and told them. At this stage I felt like I had nothing to hide. Normally my instinct would be to act coy but I'm in no mood to play games.

He also left frequently to hole himself up in the bathroom to do lines of coke with 3 other guys. This happened at least 5 times while I was there and most probably started prior to my arrival. I'm not bothered by drugs but it struck me as telling that he be so quiet face to face yet such a hard hitter in private. Fair enough.

He and I shared a joint and I started to get very handsy. I had him up against the balcony and all his friends could see what was going on and were egging him on etc. We were both looking at each other's lips the whole time and talking about if we were scared etc (not sure why exactly). I told him several times that I would let go if he wanted to and he said he didn't want that. Eventually we broke apart so that he could go fetch me a drink and I didn't try again. I felt that I couldn't do all of the initiating so I deliberately didn't kiss him.

Come sunrise, this coked up boy was having a great time bopping around with his bros and I decided it was time for me to go. By this point two of his friends had come up to me and told me they didn't know what was going on with him and that they'd do me. I did not initiate those conversations but took them as a compliment lol. When I went to tell him that I was leaving I asked him if he was staying at this flat. He said yes and that I should stay too (I think just out of politeness). I said that I would rather not because there were too many people and that I would prefer to either go home or to go back to his. He started asking 'too many people for what...' etc. and all I said was 'you know what.'

So this is the part where I really ruined things...

We were having a long and drawn out goodbye with both of us pretty smashed. At this stage I was telling him he was really pretty and that I liked his dimples etc. He was loving it standing there with a big smile saying 'thank you'. He asked me if I'd come next week and I said 'that i didn't think it was a good idea.' Eventually I just turned around and left. I was very disorientated and ended up calling him several times and messaged him weird shit ranging from ‘are you hungry’ to 'call me', ‘we need to set some rules’ combined with several missed calls. I did not go on a tirade or say anything super embarrassing but I am annoyed at myself for letting my ego get bruised. Those are the last messages he has from me and now I feel like a dumbass.

I saw him last night at the dance class and we paired up. I just cracked a joke like 'can you believe my phone was stolen and somebody sent you some weird af messages. Totally not me' to which he laughed and said it was cool. We had a little laugh when we messed up in our pairing but beyond that we didn't get a chance to talk. I was counting on being able to catch him as we left which had become routine for us but I got caught up by my friends and that didn't happen.

I have no idea where he stands on this whole situation. If he wasn't interested in me then why not get the ego boost from a girl he'd actually go further with? Why bother inviting me and showing himself up to his friends etc. He is honestly a universally attractive guy and could have had anybody at that party. Have I sealed my fate with my mess up? Could it be that he is embarrassed or thinks that I like him? Should I text him at some point? Is it worth me keeping silent and maybe dropping a message asking what he's up to on Saturday as though we're all cool? Also how much of the night would he actually remember?

As you can tell my instinct is to ask a lot of questions and get all the answers but I suppose that is very unsexy. At the end of the day I don't actually want to get bogged down with those questions if it means sacrificing getting physical with him. I am willing to play a longer game if I get what I want but not sure if that's possible.