How can I start taking charge/being more aggressive?

Powerslap17 · 2014-11-05T04:36:24+00:00

Listen man, before you get 600 comments here that give you all kinds of advice, ways to live, how to improve yourself, and basically blindly try to lead you, let me just touch on one thing:

YOU have to be the one who makes the decision, and ultimately changes. It's obvious you are intelligent, and it is also obvious you know exactly what the problem is, and how to solve it. So? Do it.

Just be sure to never lose that "turn the other cheek" thing. You can be a man, and also be a good man. Remember that. Good luck.

Aldovar · 2014-11-05T06:14:31+00:00

I don't like to lead. Mainly because if something goes wrong it's my fault.

That's a risk you're gonna have to live with when it comes to leadership. If you make a bad choice, then own up to your failings, and learn from them. Focus on the reward as well - If it does go right, who do you think is getting the credit, who has the most to gain?

I guess if you want some advice that's more practical, start with your circle of friends - find cool things to do that you might like, and invite them. Learn to embrace the unknown, and turn fear and uncertainty into curiosity and wonder.

You can't keep both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time, so what's it going to be, dude?

asd1100 · 2014-11-05T10:57:23+00:00

I'm told by all of my coaches and teachers that people see me as a leader

you aren't, that is just a pachaged bullshit to stimulate your "self esteem", it only fuels narcisism, not self improvement.

I like being a follower unless it's something I'm greatly confident about (video games)

Bullshit, i'm pretty sure you suck at VG too, unless you are some hardcore MLG punk that never left his room in the last 2 years. The only reason you feel confident about it is ebcause that is where you spend most of your effort and you get most of your validation. Now the issue is that unless you are MLG-pro, that validation is reserved only for the people in the medium, not society at large. Put as much effort in lifting or school and you will get validation and some very positive side effects in the future. But here is the beta alpha dichotomy, VGs are easy, entertaining and effortless. Working out is to, once you get a group of people jerking your ego on your gains, the progression is visible and highly rewarding. School is shit. I'ts not fun, progression is slow and not really meaningful. And most of the validation comes from sources that already validate you or don't really give a fuck about you in the first place. But out of the 3, it is the only area where the side effects reverberate into the future for your whole life.(and it's not about gains in todays society, it's about not loosing and dropping to a lower social level.)

In my African dialect I don't raise my intonation.

It may be a linguistic thing, tone is sometimes more aggressive in other languages. Find a role model and imitate him.

Mainly because I don't want to escalate things or come off as insecure (most jokes are like "you're only stronger/faster than me because your black", "I can't drink that water. Might catch your Ebola", and sometimes I'm called Ebola (a joke my teacher started)

So? people are mean. That is not a real issue. And the only reason you give a fuck is because you don't have real issues.

You might fear him, but me, nah. I'm too friendly.

Not really, unless you are racist. Also "friendly" is a oversimplification. You are to compliant and you are afraid of conflict, but you are not friendly, you can not be friendly from a place of weakness.

Look at where it has led me. Getting shitted on left and right.

Machivelly was talking about rulers, you are a servant. Don't be a idiot and understant that context is very improtant. NO, you lead yourself here. Yes society helped, but you have continously chose the easy way out of conflicts. You have choosed constantly to not stand up for yourself. You have chosed to let other peoples disrespect chip away at your ego until the persona you have to show the worls is that of a weakling to be used by other people.

Is this lack of respect something I brought upon my self? I know it is, but how can I fix that?

How do you think the footbal player would have reacted if he would have told him to "move?" Exactly, he knows that as well.

Also do you think that people where always afraid of the football guy? no, his status definetly helped that particular individual avoid conflict but long ago, a cricket player told a football guy to move until the footballrs realised they are more important and stood up for themself. Yes there probably where a lot of broken noses and suspesions, but when the fog of war faded, the footballers got the respect. In every conflict, you either sacrifice short term peace and safety for long term respect and fear.

I want to to be the hunter, the person who pursues what they want. Person people respect, person people want to be like, and not the person getting shitted on by everybody that knows him.

yeah, that is not how things work, hunters become hunters because they have no choice but to hunt, and the ones that suck at hunting die out. Forragers are just hunters that go for the short term reward of berries and then keep putting hunting of indefinetly. What is certain is that nobody will drop a dead dear on you and then proclaim you hunter and chief just because.(not to mention that even if that would happen your lack of actual hunting experience will assure your failure within the week).

Be the fun black guy, be the smart black guy or think long term and be the succesfull black guy. Just don't be another black guy, don't be boring, don't be "good at video games", that shit is a hobby and you're proud that you are good at a hobby, how is anybody going to take you seriously? And more importantly, how are you going to take yourself seriously with that resume?

confuseacatlmtd · 2014-11-05T06:03:31+00:00

So I lived in a family with six woman, and my mither has always claimed my father abused her. So everytime I stood up for myself, I would be called abusive just like my dad. So I ended up like you with the black thing, and people started treating me that way too.

A good example is when my sister through a fit and said she would cut my dick off. I said if she tried it Id cut her clit off. I got in trouble because "that really happens" and she got a laugh at my expense.

So my advice is to stop worrying about coming off scary unless you are dealing with a cop or a redneck with guns.

To start though, you can start flipping them shit back. Sonce you're tall this is prob all you need to do. Say it joking like they do, but hurt them. If they mention you being black, tell them Yeah thats also why my dick is bigger than your tiny Asian dick.

Now they are not used to you not being a pushover, so the first few times your gonna get a lot of resistance. They don't want to be belittled by the guy on the very bottom of the social latter. Keep with it.

Good luck dude!

stillnoturday · 2014-11-05T08:32:06+00:00

The things you are saying this isn't respect it is fear.

I will help you with the walking thing, first don't look at the ground it is submissive, don't look around wandering your eyes left to right because you don't want to stare straight because you might catch eyes with someone. When you are walking you have a target or a "mission" you should be deadlocked on that mission.

I'm about your height 6' but if a 5'6'' asian tried to shoulder check me he would fall on his ass. Lots of small guys will try to do this in my experience just don't take any shit from them.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-05T16:18:14+00:00

Start to take more responsibility.

First, start taking more responsibility for your own shit. Once you have an abundance for yourself, you can afford to be generous toward your friends. This is called MAGNANIMITY.

You can read about that in Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics.

http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.html

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-05T16:20:38+00:00

If your teacher is calling you EBOLA, because you're black, that's not ok.

You need to have a talk with him. Or his boss.

oldredder · 2014-11-06T05:42:02+00:00

"you're only stronger/faster than me because your black"

Easy come back: no, I'm stronger & faster because I'm motivated and work out. These are the things a man can change. I have a bigger dick than all of you because I'm black. That, nothing can change.

See? You gotta roll with the punches.

R4F1 · 2014-11-06T12:14:34+00:00

I'm normally the nicest guy around, but when a stranger tries to fuck with me, half the time I just snap. It rarely gets physical, but most always confrontational. People naturally back off. The one's retarded enough to get physical with, I just ignore and walk off.

You can be nice, maybe its even hard to come up with comebacks (especially if you're not fluent in English). But when it comes to confrontations outside, I really suggest you stand up for yourself. A simple "What the fuck did you just say?!" to the Asian kid could have set him straight.

Title	How can I start taking charge/being more aggressive?
Author	Chinny4daWinny
Upvotes	8
Comments	33
Date	November 5, 2014 2:40 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2lbtp4/how_can_i_start_taking_chargebeing_more_aggressive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-i-start-taking-chargebeing-more-aggressive.143401 https://theredarchive.com/post/143401

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