You know when someone asks you a question and you instantly know, before you open your mouth, that your response is going to suck?

You panic, because you know you're going to look dumb in front of this person (who's usually someone intimidating, who you want to impress).

And because you panic, your response does suck. Think job interviews, for example. Or talking to a hot girl.

What's happening here is that we're afraid that we won't meet this person's standards in some way. We actually believe deep down that we're not good enough (for the job, for the girl, etc.) so we try to distract them from our inadequacy by responding quickly.

BEFORE we've had the time to craft a well-formed response.

We think that if we hesitate for too long, they're onto us. The jig's up. They know we suck.

But the opposite is actually true.

Imagine you were 150% confident that you were going to get this job, or this girl.

Because that's all confidence is... your belief in your own competence.

Would you feel pressured to respond quickly? Would you stress about what they're going to think of you if you pause?

Nope.

You'd feel completely comfortable taking your time, saying things like, "Hmm... that's a great question. Let me think about that for a second..." and then crafting your response thoughtfully and purposefully.

And the interviewer or the girl would SEE your confidence (your belief in your competence) in those pauses... which increases THEIR belief in your competence.

So you'd absolutely nail those conversations... because you KNOW you have it in you IF you simply give yourself enough time for it to come out.

On the other hand... the person who gives fast, messy, unpolished answers is clearly and obviously showing that he believes he's not good enough. And if he doesn't believe in himself... why should they?

So build the habit of buying yourself time with phrases like...

"Woah, I need to think about that for a second."

"Hold on, that's a good question."

or even just "Hmmmmm...." (with a thinking face)

Do this in ANY situation, not just girls and interviews.

And then use those pauses to the fullest. Don't start talking until you're confident in your response. You WILL give a better answer.

Some of my past clients would actually make up project deadline dates, outright lying to their boss, because they couldn't remember the true deadlines on the spot. They thought it was better to say ANYTHING quickly than it was to respond slowly.

And of course they looked like an idiot. But they were actually really smart...

It just never occurred to them that taking MORE time actually makes other people see you as MORE confident (and more competent).

Which actually increases your true confidence over time. Because people will react to you as someone who's confident... and then you'll then react to THEM reacting to YOU.

And if you want learn how to connect with women on a more meaningful level, check out Stop Being Boring: Flex Your Interesting Muscle. It's a free course that teaches you how to never run out of things to say, and how to comfortably be your authentic self in conversation.