[FR] What next ?

fnordsnord · 2014-12-15T00:19:49+00:00

You probably know this, but I'm gonna slap this up in black and white just as a reminder:

The very best of us only get a 10% f-close rate on approaches. That's one in ten, and that's our top tier. (I leave out guys like George Cluny, Michael Jordon, and Barack Obama. They pull top 2% hotties all the time, and we aren't them.)

Rejection is a part of being a sexually active male.

That's the bad news. The good news: it's not personal. Yeah, I know. It sure FEELS personal.

But it's not. Rejection from a woman means one thing, and one thing only: that this woman, at this time in her life, isn't attracted to you right now. That's all. It doesn't mean that you are unattractive. It doesn't mean that you are unmanly. It doesn't even mean that you have a low SMV.

It doesn't even mean that you have a lower SMV than the loser you lost out to.

Yeah, I know - sounds weird. But here's the thing: she didn't think you were even on a date. You were "just friends."

Here are the two giveaways: "we talked quite a lot the last weeks, but I couldn't try anything because we both are students and I couldn't isolate her"

You slid into the friends zone. You talked her for WEEKS but didn't let her know you were attracted to her. By the time of the party, it was way too late. You were already parked in the friend zone. You should have made it clear weeks ago that the "friend ladder" was not where you were willing to be parked.

Second: "I tried to kiss her maybe a bit too soon, maybe she wasn't expecting it or I was too drunk to correctly aim but it ended on her cheek ..."

If you ever get the cheek or the duck, she's not into you. Right then, right there, you should have turned away and chatted up the first single girl you saw. Because she made it clear that she was not into you. You never get the cheek from a girl who is into you.

She didn't deceive you, dude. You deceived yourself because she was nice to you. She didn't do it on purpose. Odds are, she was completely oblivious to your attraction.

You don't want to hear it, but I'm giving to you straight: this was YOUR fault. You got too invested before it was real. That's on you. You didn't make it clear that you were attracted to her and date/sex material from the get go. And finally, for your first date, before you established solid attraction, you took her to a party where you know there would be other hot guys. That's ALSO on you.

Okay - so, dealing with it. Once you accept that she wasn't deliberately jerking you around, it'll quit hurting. Look at the stuff I said above: I meant it. Rejection is a part of life. Like flat tires, cold showers, and flat beer. They all suck. Embrace the zen of the surfer: it's not the last wave, it's the next one.

Approach more girls. You picked out one you liked, invested in her, and were crushed when you struck out. Approach THIRTY girls. Date at least FIVE before you start emotionally investing in ANY of them. Have FUN, but don't fall in love.

Now, you have difficulties escalating. Understand this: we say AWALT. "All Women Are Like That." But all that means is that women have the same instincts. But women are not robots; these instincts express in ways unique to each woman. Keep this in mind as I send you to this reference: http://www.vindicarlo.com/DiCarlo%20Escalation%20Ladder%20-%20vindicarlo.com.pdf

Dicarlo will give you an idea of how and when to escalate. But for the love of Cassanova, don't think that all women will respond to pressing these buttons in this order and have sex automatically happen.

jsalathe · 2014-12-14T23:30:21+00:00

Try, try again. And if you find a girl attractive zero in on her and take her home ASAP. Dancing with other girls before hooking up with her just makes her question if you're really interested.

This is oneitis. Work on many girls without any long term plans on your part until you have some experience and confidence. The MGTOW approach isn't bad either. Chicks want what they can't have.

gentleViking · 2014-12-15T02:38:36+00:00

I've totally been there. I once had a friend of mine and my roomate at the time pull this girl I was dating and made out with her at my own birthday party! I nexted both of them.

It's not worth getting angry over. Learn to control your emotions, study up and practice. Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Every rejection is just one step closer to success. Fail better as they say.

Chin up dude.

FarOrAMess · 2014-12-14T23:33:53+00:00

First of all, from seeing your reaction, you are oneitis-positive to this girl. Otherwise you would've shrugged it off and enjoyed the abundance of women that probably was there.

Secondly, I think you waited too long to make your move and you were being risky, which led mr. "lower value than you" to getting her. He did what you probably didn't, which was recognize her as being DTF and just went for it.

Don't let this hurt your self-esteem, if you're working hard and are raising your SMV by doing all kinds of shit for self-improvement, you WILL get results. That incident of yours probably isn't indicative of either of you guys' SMV or anything, she sounds like some random drunk chick which you've built your expectations on. If you will expect to get results from specific girls and not just overall success with women, you're going to have a bad time.

As to your questions, I'm not sure what kind of deception you're talking about, but once you realize you don't depend on this girl to have fun and you're constantly raising your SMV, there's nothing to move on from. I know what you mean since up until recently I too was a virgin and took every failure personally. Don't.

IMO, once you saw the two of you were "rubbing against each other" in a sexual way and pretty much received any IOI possible, you should've just went for it. It worked for lower-SMV guy, why the fuck wouldn't it work for you?

Entershikari · 2014-12-14T23:40:07+00:00

My advice is to not go to hooker.

It's like drugs, you pay for false pleasure.

In the end, you still don't know how to be good in bed, nor to game

Pleasure and good things in life has to be earn.

Keep improving your game that's all.

Also don't be jealous and don't compare yourself to less than you.

That night you lacked game may it be a lesson for you to learn PUA tricks and inner game.

Good luck bro

Title	[FR] What next ?
Author	tuilop
Upvotes	4
Comments	11
Date	December 14, 2014 10:38 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2pat3h/fr_what_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/fr-what-next.144456 https://theredarchive.com/post/144456

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