How to not be afraid of one night stands? I've wasted SO many opportunities with so many girls

ls737100 · 2018-06-07T22:19:39+00:00

You might want to find an FWB or girlfriend for a while. I was pretty nervous when I was young. I ended up with an RWB, ie, a live in FWB. Which meant sex up to 3 times a day and she'd initiate a lot. My comfort level and my skills skyrocketed.

judahman8 · 2018-06-07T20:56:14+00:00

Well you should definitely stop seeing escorts for sure. That's where a lot of your problems are stemming from in my opinion. It sounds like you have intamacy problems and it could be affecting you in a lot more ways than just having sex. There is no quick fix for this. This is something you have to figure out and fix on your own. Start by reading up on it.

enkae7317 · 2018-06-08T03:23:46+00:00

You have - Fear of success.

RSD got some material on this. I remember Max talking about it.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-08T03:32:49+00:00

1

I feel like I am not reaching my full potential.

First off, you're creating WAY too much pressure on yourself by how you're framing this.

"Full potential?" Sex isn't life. Having sex doesn't unlock some hidden mode of life. It won't complete your life. And the idea that you're lesser because you're not doing X, Y, or Z in the sexual realm, is the kind of pressure that can lead to you emotionally breaking yourself. All over how you're CHOOSING to view this.

2

If I had actually slept with all the girls that had wanted to come home with me, my number count would be way higher than what it is now.

Let's talk about this. Your "lay count." What do you ACTUALLY want out of dating? If you actually ever want to settle down, then you don't really want a high lay count.

Look at any of the "good PUA coaches" or guys who figure this out and get too far down the rabbit hole. The larger pattern with them is that none of them are able to settle down unless they check themselves into therapy, like Style did. Mystery has had a history of relationships that implode. Most of the others end up in "open relationships," with a rotating cast of women.

Which is fine if you never want to settle down. But if you do want to settle down, then you don't want to start racking up the numbers or you risk changing yourself into someone who can't meet the goal of settling down.

3

Do I see more Escorts until I am more comfortable with myself sexually?

Stop going to them, like yesterday. We're talking about you adapting yourself to navigating an interaction that's blatantly monetized. Not healthy. It's fine for what it was, in the beginning. But as you're now using it as a crutch, it's time to do whatever you can to let go of this.

How you get comfortable with yourself sexually is three-fold:

A: Framing

Realize that you've been there before. This isn't some big fucking mystery. Pun intended?
Also important to realize: Give up any pursuit of the "right" way to have sex or foreplay. There's no such thing.
Every person is different.
Every person is different; might seem scary or daunting, but actually it simplifies things. It's not like you have to figure out the one magical way that doesn't exist. It's that people ACTUALLY show you what they like, in their physical reactions to what you're doing. People are like cats, kind of. When you're touching them the way they like, they respond well to it. And vice versa. So paying attention and paying attention more, gives you all the information you need.

B: Do your homework

Read up on all things sexual. This is the Age of Information, man. There's no excuse to not be educated on this shit. The location of the male and female g-spots (that's right, we get one too). The clitoris's location and how to stimulate it (and not overdo it). Oral sex. Foreplay. Sexual positions. The different male orgasms (That's right, we have different kinds, also). The different female orgasms. Information is power.

C: Putting it all together

The difference between a "good sexual partner" and a "bad one" is not experience or magic. It's being attentive and having a playful attitude about it. Realizing that this person in front of you is someone to explore and just doing that without worrying about the wrong or right things. If someone doesn't like something, they'll help guide you.
General rules of thumb: start off low intensity and slow speed. Adjust according to the girl. If she is wanting more intensity, she'll start interacting with more intensity. So you know she wants that. So you can match it. Or match it and pull back just to fuck with her, but giving it back to her later. Or speeding up if she speeds up. Or fucking with her by slowing down when she's just sped up, then giving her what she wants.
In general, paying attention gives you the option to know what she's wanting. Which then gives you the option to amplify her excitement by matching her. Or driving up tension by withholding on purpose, before you amplify by matching later on.

wawakaka · 2018-06-09T02:52:06+00:00

skip the one night stands and find a steady you can get some confidence and rapport with. your issue may be that you need to have some sort of connection with the girl before you feel comfortable to be yourself freely.

some article i read about this catholic guy who couldn't enjoy sex because of catholic guilt and he said getting a steady girl allowed him to explore is freedom and over come catholic guilt.

benhurensohn · 2018-06-07T21:59:12+00:00

This literally never happened

Title	How to not be afraid of one night stands? I've wasted SO many opportunities with so many girls
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	12
Date	June 7, 2018 6:44 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8pcv0j/how_to_not_be_afraid_of_one_night_stands_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-not-be-afraid-of-one-night-stands-ive.1447887 https://theredarchive.com/post/1447887

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