The last three girls I got really close to just end up being really teasy. Just like, really flirty, touchy, bantering/challenging all the time, etc. And I can't tell how much of it is them not wanting to commit or if maybe I'm doing something to elicit this behavior. The last girl I got close to, it felt like everything was there, she would initiate contact (physical or logistical), we got along, opened up, easy flowing time, etc, and in a spot in her life where she could hook up, but she didn't want to do anything about it when I brought it up. Later, she even teased about how good she could ride, would cross her legs right in front of my legs without touching, etc. And these things happened way more AFTER they knew I liked them.

I don't even think I'm misinterpreting their flirting as just them being friendly. Some conversations and contact and stuff definitely feels like stuff I wouldn't ever do with my guy friends. For example, none of my guy friends have pressed into my hips while we were playing sports lol

Maybe it's these women in particular and I just happened to be unlucky. But idk, if this is a consistent problem in my life, and happens harder with girls I feel more for, I can only assume that I'm either part of, or entirely, the problem. It feels too similar among each of the girls to where I'm not entirely convinced it's random. One of the girls would always do stuff like "feel how cold my hands are" and grab my hand, and then I'd stay holding and say something light/playful and she'd be the one to pull away first.

My personal theory is that they just like my personality and they like my personality more when I'm being flirty/playful so they just figure out how to get that behavior out of me without needing to commit to anything.

Another thing is that I'm really bad with serious physical escalation out of nowhere. I use the girl's kino to figure out about what level I am and reciprocate in other ways later on. Or I'll initiate and not increase until she reciprocates..something, whether it be attention, wanting the interaction to continue, etc. Sometimes I'll try to turn her kino into something more, but I feel like I'm still playing it by her instead of by me. I've gone for higher escalation before with varying success, but definitely in a lot less opportunities than I can. It's among my biggest anxieties that I'm still working on.

The next theory is that maybe women just like to flirt and tease and lead on for fun/power dynamics and just straight up don't know how it's effecting me/men or assuming I like doing that for fun too. Though I feel that it's obvious in my demeanor and especially my attempts to escalate verbally or take it to a spot where things can escalate. And that their flirting increases when they know they have me.

Another theory that feels misogynistic in nature but honestly has the most real world success I've seen is just assuming the girl is going to have resistance if you take it too direct and constantly finding the way around. For example, asking a girl you're close with if you want to fuck, she's more likely to say no, but don't ask and keep escalating until you get a definite no, she's way more likely to engage. That maybe something about making her consciously think about it is what gives her resistance. A lot of advice my friends that get laid a lot give is somewhere along the lines of "it's their job to resist and your job to persist". I mean, these guys also pursue the most number of girls so they might just be playing the numbers game, but they're also able to convert, and have good mentality in other regards (such as not getting hung up on rejection, understanding that rejection is as important as success). Another way to think about this is let's say there are 10 girls that want to kiss you. If you just go for the kiss, all (or most) 10 girls will kiss you back. However, if you ask/tell them that you want to kiss, you wont get as much success because some girls will consciously think about it and say no automatically. I'm the 2nd kind of guy much moreso than the 1st kind, so I think that maybe I'm turning off girls by bringing it to their conscious, but maybe by them being teasy, they're trying to get it out of me subconsciously. I've never gotten a girl to dance with me by asking first. Only by being physical.

Another theory is that I'm butt ugly, but I don't necessarily believe that fully because my guy friends say that my looks isn't the issue and that I'm a decent looking dude. And I see guys to be dating out of their league. I mean I'm no prize or Tinder god or whatever, but I don't think I'm too ugly to make something happen or have success once in a while.

I'm 26 and never had a gf. I've had two actual dates (both of them this year), both successful at being good interactions with me leading and stuff but one in a much more romantically/physically way. I've had like 5 makeouts, and some grinding at clubs. I've only had sex in legal brothels. I've interacted with a number of girls, from different walks of life, and felt like there was something there with some of them. I've done direct approaches before but I don't do this too often. I've changed and grown so much over the past like 7 years but I feel like my progress with women is just in the same spot because they rub up against some of my deepest insecurities in general. I've come to realize that me not getting girls doesn't mean I'm some subhuman who isn't worthy of love, just that everyone has problems in general and being successful with girls happens to be my problem.

Lots of people experience success as 'things just working out' for them, where it felt unconscious, and it feels like I've had glimpses of some of these opportunities, but there's something I feel like I innately don't understand. For the record, I've cut out these women in my life and made boundaries clear, as it took me a long time to realize that sitting and hoping hurts way more than just ripping the bandaid off.

Idk. I feel like as I'm getting older, my confidence/outlook is getting better, my relationships to other people and myself are getting better, and like, I have friends and a social life and a job and stuff even though I was way more crippled by anxiety and esteem issues in my past (and no longer need therapy), and I feel like I'm decent at making friends, but there's just some missing variable I'm just not understanding about attracting women. And the fact that other things feel 'normal' in my life except for this almost accentuates the handicap. Especially after I lost the last girl (arguably I never had her, but there was just too much in place to deny something being there), I really really do not want to lose out on any more girls that become super close to me.

I guess this became some weird life-reflecting ramble.