[FR] If a woman isn't immediately receptive to my approach or seems reluctant to talk, it puts me off

2018-09-09T13:30:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

justreddit991 · 2018-09-09T14:59:11+00:00

From my personal experience, I think you are oversensitive a bit. I act like you from time to time too, and it isn't helping my sexual life.

That sensitivity has probably something to do with egoism and narcissism of a person. Don't get me wrong though, I don't think that you are any of these things.

dontstopmenow1966 · 2018-09-09T15:27:48+00:00

The idea is not to convert the unbelievers.
It is to get to know to women who have indicated they are interested in you.
Having done that, you both may wish to take things further.

eyesopen1111 · 2018-09-09T16:10:50+00:00

Step 1: Learn more game theory. You are opening fine (great job, it’s not easy for most guys), but the problem is that you are not hooking the girls/sets. Learning more game will help you understand where things are going wrong and access help to fix your problem areas. FYI: "Hooking" a girl or a set is getting them to a point where they would rather have you stay than go, and when they start to invest in the conversation.

Step 2: Because they are not hooked, there is little investment from the girl and they either (1) leave you or (2) the conversation gets boring. You should be teasing her, cold reading her, asking her screening questions, touching her somewhere (arm/shoulder/high-five) that's okay to touch in the beginning.

Step 3: Don’t have unrealistic expectations of how cold approach works. By focussing on the stage that you are on and trying to get to the next step, you’ll get better at leading the interaction instead of just searching for common interests and giving up when conversation goes flat. Soon you’ll be looking to spike her emotions and learn/work her logistics, all while getting some date ideas (from her list of interests that you’re learning about) in case you have to pull her number should the instadate and same day lay options not be in the cards.

Quick notes: With respect to meeting girls who alone, always ask where their friends are, who they are meeting up with, etc. It’s rare that they are truly alone. Meet and impress the friends. This leads to massive attraction and will help to assess her situation/logistics.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-11T05:12:07+00:00

1

[FR] If a woman isn't immediately receptive to my approach or seems reluctant to talk, it puts me off

I went out last night on my own for the first time. I chatted with 3 girls in a bar at the first place, and it was mostly just slightly awkward small talk. I would ask some questions and joke around, and they'd normally laugh at my jokes and give warm responses but to me the conversation was quite boring. They didn't really put that much effort in holding the conversation up, and when that goes on for more than a minute I want to bail. And I did bail all those three times.

The issue I see here is that you're not making the most of any of these conversations:

You seem to see your role as the One Who Must Entertain or the One Who Must Measure Up. Fuck that. No one anointed them from above. They have their end to hold up.
That said you aren't holding up your end by sticking to small talk and trying to joke around. The dirty little secret about small talk is that it's not really small. It's a doorway to interesting things, but people drop these threads all the time without realizing it. All it takes is a tweak to shift small talk into interesting areas.
Example: You ask how their week was. They say it was fine. The "Small Talk" mentality says you immediately shift to the next topic without thinking. Instead, you are actively listening to them and their body language. So you ask WHY it was fine; what was the favorite part of their week, etc.
If you aren't getting into their motivations (why they did something) or emotions (what they felt about something), then you're not using everything you could be.

2

I met a girl in the queue for the club...... she disappeared pretty quickly into the club and re-joined her friends. I didn't even bother looking for her in the club because to me, the fact that she just disappeared into the club without looking back or waiting for me was a sign of disinterest. I guess that in my head, that one sign cancelled out all the positive IOIs that I was getting beforehand.

Obviously this is a mindset issue. If you believe that strongly that one sign cancels out everything else good, then you're fucking yourself and likely making it true.

It might have been that it was a throwaway interaction. Those happen. It is still awesome because people don't have good interactions with people unless you have something good going on.
It might be that she would have been happy to interact with you again, but had to see to her friends who she came with and expecting her to ditch her friends for you was unrealistic. But with the mindset you describe that you adopted, if she did happen to see you again, you would have repelled her. You likely repelled other girls who encountered you when you were in that state.

3

Later on in a bar I got chatting with a girl for about 30 minutes, and before I said bye I got her number. I texted her this morning asking about her night, and she got back saying it was nice to meet me. When I asked her if she's free to go out next weekend her response was "Ummm I'm not sure, I'm maybe free around lunch time. Does that work for you?" Again, this uncertainty and slight reluctance from her is enough for me to just ghost her or say "never mind".

What did you talk with her about in those 30 minutes? It helps when you're able to reference those things when inviting her out.

In any case, she offered lunch time and you basically rejected her. Now you'll never know. And it was all because of how you chose to interpret her TEXT messages.

See the problem there? You're allowing these negative monkey chatter in your brain that we all have, to color how you interpret the world. A girl is fucking cool in line but goes to see her friends? Fuck her she doesn't like you anymore. A girl says she's free around lunchtime but doesn't seem enthusiastic enough about it? Fuck her, right?

4

Am I being oversensitive to these signs?

Yes.

But it's a human thing you're struggling with.

Or are they a symptom that I'm doing something wrong?

Yeah. Allowing negative self-talk to run away with you.

I guess I should go for it anyway since I don't really have anything to lose.

Yep.

Title	[FR] If a woman isn't immediately receptive to my approach or seems reluctant to talk, it puts me off
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	10
Date	September 9, 2018 11:20 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9ec9q2/fr_if_a_woman_isnt_immediately_receptive_to_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-if-a-woman-isnt-immediately-receptive-to-my.1453023 https://theredarchive.com/post/1453023

Comments