I had the opportunity to see my previous self in action recently when I hired one of my friends to design a website for me. He's one of my really good friends and among his many talents is websites. He always told me that if I needed a website done I should come to him. That day came, and I called him first.

So, I didn't realize it until recently but he's your classic case of "Mr. Nice Guy." Those of you who've read that will know what I'm talking about. Ironically, I used to be that too. I'm a recovering "Nice Guy." How he handled this project is disturbingly similar to how I used to behave. Guys you owe it to the rest of the world to take care of this if you're one of the "Nice Guys." It's incredibly frustrating to deal with if you're on the other end of it, particularly if you're trying to work with that person. Also, it won't do you any favors professionally and is completely counter-productive sometimes.

Here's what happened as succinctly as possible. I handed off this website to him. He told me to email him my web-hosting info and an email describing what I wanted with some example websites. I did this the very next morning. I received exactly one email back from him saying he needed a login account to the web-hosting platform. Again less than a day turn-around.

I think in there somewhere I texted him to ask when he thought he'd be able to get to it. He said for the next week he was busy with his daughter visiting from out of town for the holidays and would work on it the following week. I still don't hear anything from him the following week. We're 1.5 weeks into this by this point. I call and text. No returned communication of any sort. I'm starting to get worried. I text again 2 days later. Finally he says he's having trouble uploading stuff to the website, that something was wrong with his phone that's why he didn't call back, and he's been working on it all week. Obviously he saw that I'd called though, and didn't call back...hmmm. Also I know for a fact he has a google voice account and can check voicemail and texts from any computer with an internet connection.

I let it slide though. He says he's going to work on it over the weekend and will let me know if he has any further problems with uploading stuff to the site. I suspect that he was busy, or stressed out, and didn't have a chance to do shit with the project and was buying himself time. I used to be like this. I'd say "yes" to stuff I realistically didn't have time for, then buy myself time with misinformation or misdirection but never actually confront the problem or state the truth. Honestly, I was in no hurry, but I needed to know where things were at to coordinate things on my end. Also, I want a good website. I can't have what I want if the person doesn't know what I want. This requires some communication.

So, no communication at all over the weekend about the website. To date, I've gotten exactly one short email and a handfull of text messages. I text him again Sunday morning for an update because if the website isn't at least basically functional by Monday I need to put together something temporary with an online website builder. Still no response. So Sunday night, frustrated that I thought my guy was working on this, and that I now have to scramble to do it myself I'm working on the website. I know very little about this so I'm doing your basic website builder thing and learning as you go. I finally get a text from him "Hey I'm getting some sort of wierd re-direct or something...blah blah." I tell him that's because I had to get something up when I didn't hear from him. He says "Ok." That's it. No apology. Nothing. I call him later when I have a chance to actually make a phone call and no answer. I leave another VM. He texts me back at midnight saying "What's up?" Fuck, really?

So I text him the following morning that I need him to call me about the website. I wait another 24 hours. Still dark. Then I decide since I can't communicate with my guy, it's time to pull the plug on this. I write him a pretty considerate email saying he's my friend, if there's shit going down in his own life he can call me or whatever, but that I can't have him do my website anymore. My email is 3 paragraphs long. He emails me back in minutes with one sentance saying he'd already stopped working on the website once he found out I was doing it. No apology, no explanation, nothing.

Guys, I used to be like this. I would get overwhelmed, not know how to ask for what I need, feel afraid to communicate with even my friends what I needed. I would try to please everybody, but I would also need to escape the huge impossible burden that is. I've lost some friends to this who wrote me off eventually.

He's a good friend of mine. I imagine he's pissed at me or something, but that's just his hamstering. He totally botched this project. Also, I know for a fact that his wife is looking for a guy with a little more spine. She shit-tests him hard sometimes and he just takes it. He's gotten a little better, but he's still not captain of the household. She's going to get wise at some point and either dead bedroom or find another dick to fuck or both. I catch her looking admiringly at me sometimes. She wants a guy who works-out, fucks like a champ, and has some fucking spine.

Anyways, I don't know how to salvage this. Advice would be appreciated. I'm afraid though, I may have lost one of my good guy friends to this sort of Blue Pill bullshit. It's nearly impossible to rely on a guy like that and have a meaningful friendship. I feel like I probably just have to move on and focus on what I do have, but swallowing the red pill is touch medicine. Once you wake up, you realize who's really able to be your friend and who's not. That requires letting some people go or maybe relegating them to the circle of friends who you keep at a distance.

Edit: tl;dr BP friend botched website project with BP behavior. OP used to be BP and realizes that shit is frustrating and counter-prductive. OP fires BP friend and does it himself, maybe losing a friend in the process.