"Being direct"

ArcanineTheGrey · 2018-11-27T02:36:12+00:00

You're doing it right. Direct is good and many guys aren't man enough to do it. She should feel a little uncomfortable because sexual tension is a little uncomfortable by nature

recyclablebanthas · 2018-11-27T03:09:15+00:00

1

So I was really into someone kind of even though we have not really spoken that much so I invite her to dinner in the dining hall of the college so it's pretty casual and then I tell her that I like her in a non friend way.

What you did was not "direct," so much as it was awkward.

Think of it this way: say there's a video of a comedian that you think is hilarious, and you share it with someone. There are two ways someone might do this:

Give them the link with little to no commentary and let them experience it for themselves and make up their own mind.
Give them the link and tell them it's the "funniest thing ever" and you can't stop laughing, etc.

In the first situation, there aren't any assumptions. They go in blank slate, low pressure.

In the second situation, they're going in thinking, "Alright, make me laugh," or some variation of, "This better be good....." In short, there will be expectations. And those expectations get in the way of having a natural experience.

Similarly, in dating, you have a couple choices.

Ask them to hang out and then make moves over the course of the time you hang out with her. You escalate with your actions, not your words.
Or you overthink it and try to escalate with your words, instead of through actions. You try to tell her you like her, to clear the way for you to feel comfortable to make moves.

In the first situation, she'll have a natural progression. It's never a guarantee, but if there's a positive reaction, it'll be clear, quick, and pretty powerful in a lot of cases.

In the second situation, you're showcasing awkwardness whether you intend to or not, and she'll feel awkward as a result. You're showing her that you aren't capable of making moves, unintentionally. Which makes the whole process feel stilted and contrived, instead of comfortable and natural.

2

She got kind of uncomfortable receiving that kind of attention and said most men aren't that direct. But she does want to know me better.

It's not that she is uncomfortable receiving "that kind of attention." It's that you're going about it awkwardly.

It's not that "most men aren't that direct." Most men are awkward and too direct because a lot of dudes don't know how to go about this stuff.

But she's kind of into you so you have been given a pass even though you screwed up this early going.

3

I literally can't comprehend having to do these dumb games. Did I do something wrong?

Yes, you were awkward and are kind of fucking up. But it's salvageable since she already seemed to like you, at least enough to overlook this.

This isn't a "dumb game." You're just in your head so it seems that way. If you stop worrying about what the "right thing to say or do" is, and start paying closer attention to HER, then things will become clearer.

Stop narrating these things, like telling her you like her.

Start SHOWING her you like her, while paying attention to her reactions as you do so. This really isn't rocket science. There are a ton of easy things that people overlook, which give you information about her openness to escalation with you:

Testing her space bubble. Edging into her personal space and seeing if she makes the adjustment to get her space back. Does she move her leg away from yours to maintain distance. And so on.
Safe, non-sexual touches that you could engage in with anyone, even guys. Arm jabs, shoulder, outside of the arm stuff, high fives, etc. Any sort of contact (or expectation of contact like when you put your hand up for a high five) will force a reaction from her as to how much she likes contact with you.
Her reaction to incidental or accidental contact. You can't plan this one, but sometimes you'll bump up against her or something, and her reaction might tell you something.
Overall, it's key that you pay attention throughout this process. You need to be aware of her reaction to you being in her space, or physical contact. It's the only way to know if you are welcome to do what you're doing, or if you should make adjustments.

4

It just seems way less complicated to do it this way.

It seems less complicated because it's cutting out the step of taking the other person into consideration.

In truth, going around confessing your feelings is MORE complicated because it's more likely to blow things up in your face all the time instead of leading to great results.

The good news is, paying attention is not that hard. What's hard is trying to figure out in your head, what the "right thing" to say or do is, because the answers aren't in your head. They're stuff she'll just easily SHOW you if you are making even small moves.

The process isn't needless complication. You are served by it as well.

TheHalfMonty · 2018-11-27T00:29:30+00:00

said most men aren't that direct

I'm not most men. You & Me, drinks, tomorrow?

Title	"Being direct"
Author	givemebrainpls
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	November 27, 2018 12:06 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a0p72q/being_direct/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-direct.1457498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1457498

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