This got no love in the r/socialskills subreddit, so I thought you guys would appreciate it

Even though the topics discussed below aren't directly about seduction, people skills such as these are tangentially related to your game and place in the social hierarchy.

Intro

There's something I've started to notice recently. I eventually got fed up of everyone misinterpreting what I said or meant to say at any given time. At uni I sometimes feel like I'm in a minefield where I could upset anyone with a single word or wrong turn of phrase. When you're with a group of friends it can be a bit more chill, but on the whole people don't like being corrected or made out to not understand things. (This applies to myself too, later I'll explain the efforts I've made to be a bit more relaxed)

Then there are some people who seem to bounce around like social butterflies, always getting along and yet still being opinionated at times. My mate Tom is like that. You know what his values are, yet he is still so likeable even if you disagree with him. I've found the difference betwen me and people like Tom comes down to 2 things:

1) When/How we correct people

2) How we respond to being corrected

Why do we correct people?

When you take time to understand why someone is correcting you, often times there won't be any real animosity behind it. Humans as a whole like having the real facts on the table, because we don't actually want to be wrong if there is undeniable proof of the opposite. Adding to that, people would be more willing to change their mind if they were certain they'd get no grief or mockery for being wrong in the first place. That's all pride is really. Most of us want acceptance and to get along if we could choose any one thing.

If someone says something wrong, you don't have to correct them. Just let them be wrong.

How we respond to being corrected

This brings me to the main point of this post. People want acceptance and to not be mocked for being wrong (it happens to all of us). When you're going out correcting people or getting angry for someone correcting you, remember how we're a social animal and want to be accepted.

If someone corrects you, nod your head and smile if you want to get along with them. Most of the time you'll find you actually are incorrect if someone is willing to break that social faux pas, just to say you're wrong.

Not everything is an intellectual pursuit, sometimes we just want to chat and wind down, not even having to think.

How it breaks down as a whole

I'd say a good 80% (complete blind guess) of people have the first part on lock. They don't care enough, don't want to look silly if they don't know, or want to get brownie points with people they like by sucking up to them. That's most people really, they either don't care, don't want people to care about them, or care too much about how much other people care. However, they also like to interject and correct people when they're sure they are right, or the other person is wrong. Notice the hypocrisy there? Of course not everyone will be the extremes of what I'm suggesting, but they fall in the general ballpark. Some of the people that fall into this category just don't want the hassle of an argument, they can put on this chilled exterior and feign politeness. This isn't what you want to be. You want to be like the following group.

The other 20% also don't care about being corrected. This isn't a lot of people. Everyone gets at least a bit irritated when someone corrects them. But not these guys. They don't mind being told the right information even if it completely contradicts them. They seem to genuinely enjoy discussing things and couldn't give a fuck if they're wrong. This totally nullifys the negative connotations that come with correcting someone. They also only correct (most of the time anyway) others when they're sure people won't mind or are looking to them for an answer. You should aim to be like these people. Understand that most of the time, we just want to get along with each other.

Example

With the 20% of people I mentioned, everyone ends up being slightly relieved that we don't have to go through the same awkward routine that inevitably happens. Where we jockey for position in the social hierarchy and see who concedes, see who takes it the furthest. Below I have an example of the kind of conversation you'll have when correcting someone, and a few notes on how you can respond if you come across this yourself.

Scene: the lads are at the pub, having a few drinks and generally chatting away in the lovely atmosphere of the local watering hole. Phil, Dave, Jack and Penny (Jack's girlfriend) are throwing out bits of trivia they know and laughing along to each new fact. Phil states that:

Phil: "Did you know you can kill someone by dropping a penny on their head from the empire state building?"

Dave: "Actually Phil that's a load of bollocks, you can't kill someone with a penny just by dropping it. Pennys can only go a top speed of 30-50mph cause of terminal velocity"

Phil: "Fuckin hell Dave I don't fucking know I just heard that somewhere and thought it was well interesting. Didn't know you worked for Guinness"

How can Dave approach this in conversation?

A few things happen in this scenario with Phil's reply:

1) Dave can tell that although he's making a joke out of the situation, Phil doesn't like being corrected or told he's wrong. (This is most people. Not everyone has to be vocal, but 80% of people don't like being corrected).

2) Dave can now either respond in kind to Phil, ramping up the situation by getting angrier and deflecting, stating more things Phil doesn't know. If you know your audience and how far people can take things, this may be a good idea. As long as people know you're joking it can be great to have a pretend argument, throwing childish insults at each other and just fucking around. But if you're with a new bunch of people, most of the time you'll come off as not being able to take the joke or being too serious.

3) Dave can laugh along and continue the joke, saying something tame like: "haha good one Phil", throwing in some genuine/pretend laughter at the same time. If you want to just call it quits and move on to some other topic of conversation, this will usually end it. I do this most of the time when I'm with a mixed bunch of people. Mostly everyone will be comfortable with evens, it puts you on the same level and you have no dominance over the other person and vice versa.

4) If Dave is feeling especially cheeky, he can continue Phil's train of thought, taking the piss even more, joking about himself and then swinging the insult back to Phil. Something like: "yeah mate I just finished the interview, would you like a form to compete for worlds biggest wanker?". By accepting the banter and firing back, you're escalating the conflict. This can either be the solution that gives you the most social clout, or it can force the other person to come up with an even better comeback, or it can make them angry and in that case it backfires on them. As long as you didn't escalate too much you're in the clear (I know there's some absolute clangers you're tempted to say, don't say them if you know people wouldn't take it as a joke). In any case, if you know you have some absolute heat to clap back with then you should do it. Unless of course you know most people would think it's too far. Know your audience.

What kind of person are you?

Think deeply about how you are as a person. Are you one of the 80% who get immediately defensive (I'm including myself here), or are you like the 20% of people who can diffuse the tension in the air and get along? I have no right to tell you what to do, you have to be your own person. But if you're looking to make some new friends or just learn to be chill with people more often, take things on the chin and maybe don't correct people whenever you can. You might find that people are a tad more relaxed around you.

Maybe you want to be one of the 80% of people, and that's fine. Or maybe you disagree with me. Both are perfectly valid. I only ask you read what I've written and consider it seriously.

My personal preference

If you've read this far I want to thank you for investing your time in what I've written. You might be invested enough to want to know my personal preference. If I haven't made it clear already that is.

I do believe in being part of the 20%. The people that don't have to voice when others are wrong, the people that genuinely want to know the truth and don't care about being corrected. When you start doing it regularly and actively, it becomes a habit. That isn't to say you should become a wet towel and to just agree with everyone all the time. God no. If someone is outright wrong or offensive and it really grinds your gears, by all means correct them. This isn't about being actively against conflict. It's about choosing your battles wisely. Most people don't care about being 100% factual, and most people appreciate when you genuinely understand they're trying to help and not being contradictory.

Final takeaways (tl;dr)

  • Most people don't like being corrected. Even if you are just helping it can still be annoying. Additionally, people don't have to express their dissatisfaction vocally or even at all. We still want social validation, so they'll not make a fuss to keep things semi-chill. Eventually though, most of the population will say something since they still care about being corrected.

  • Some people don't mind being corrected. If you want to make friends and for people to perceive you as chill (eventually you will become chill naturally through this), just learn to understand that most people want to be accepted socially. They're correcting you because they believe they are right, or sometimes just because they think people will find it funny. Regardless, they're looking for acceptance. You can disarm people by agreeing and asking them about their opinion more. Often times this is enough to make a conversation friendly.

  • Most people like others to know their opinion or knowledge on most subjects. This still works in the grand scheme of things, since there is a big overlap with people who put on a fake persona. It can get too much since most people can be insistent with their opinion and wishing to be right. It really depends on the mix of people you have and the type of social situation.

  • Some people (who are good socially) don't get pushy with their opinions. They understand it's not always about being right, it's about having some social time with your friends and family, strangers, passers by. Not everything is a competition. Learning to listen to others and to understand where they're coming from propels you up the social ladder. If people want acceptance and you give it genuinely, you'll be amazing to spend time with.

  • I believe it's best to choose your battles wisely. Don't just agree with everyone, but on the flip side don't be that guy or girl who always corrects people. Find a healthy balance.

The "tl;dr" was tl;dr

Everyone wants acceptance. Be the person that understands, the person that listens. Sometimes you're wrong, sometimes other people are wrong. But it doesn't matter, because we're all human.

~~~

Had no idea this post would get so long. I hope this makes sense to some of you. I'd love to know your thoughts and if my post makes any sense. I find it's great to talk about things like this with people.