Why are people attracted and attached to those who self sabotage?

trentsteel2 · 2019-03-05T07:22:26+00:00

Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day. My friend is very unstable and always the 'victim' but he always has girls around him. Can't figure it out.

Gh0st5768 · 2019-03-05T04:23:03+00:00

It's because people think they can change people

HNTI · 2019-03-05T08:49:20+00:00

Out of pity, probably or attitude " I'll fix them, unlike people who tried before me".

DrSleeper · 2019-03-05T08:56:55+00:00

Anecdotal but some people are willing to do anything to get what they want. I know a girl that’s with her bf of 10 years still because he becomes insane when she tries to break up. She’s pretty much stuck. He’d send messages every single day saying how he needs her and he’ll kill himself etc. She’s codependent and goes back to him.

Normal people aren’t willing to go to such lengths, there are other examples of how guys like this manipulate or threaten or do pretty much whatever it takes to get and hold on to what they want.

aushimdas16 · 2019-03-05T14:17:32+00:00

Don't know about guys, but most of my girl friends have spoken about relationships they've regretted and the main cause of regret is usually that they thought they could change their partner.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-03-06T04:30:50+00:00

1

Why are people attracted and attached to those who self sabotage?

Short answer: everyone has their own baggage and is often attracted to someone whose baggage complements that baggage in some way.

2

It seems like throughout my life the girls or guys that people will nonstop cling to are very flawed and engage in self destructive behaviors.

It can certainly seem like this is EVERYONE. But it isn't. But when someone is caught up in this sort of pattern, yes, they will repeat it, and they'll usually hang out with others who have damage as well.

Because hanging out with people who don't have a lot of damage, gets old for the damaged because it makes them all too aware of their problems, problems they'd rather ignore.

3

Is it because they feel bad for them or is it because they want to provide the stability?

Does it matter why? It doesn't really help much. Trying to game people who fit into this whole paradigm, only drags you down with them.

4

I notice it in TV shows too. The guy the girls fall in love with is often some guy who keeps fucking up, an example being Lip Gallagher from Shameless

On one hand, art imitates life. On the other, a lot of art is altered to make better TV than life ever would. So take TV with a grain of salt.

soul_alley · 2019-03-05T07:26:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Why are people attracted and attached to those who self sabotage?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	March 5, 2019 4:20 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/axguxt/why_are_people_attracted_and_attached_to_those/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-are-people-attracted-and-attached-to-those-who.1463718 https://theredarchive.com/post/1463718

Comments