5 Common Mistakes Guys Make Before The First Date (and How to Prevent Them)

After having helped out hundreds of men over the last couple years with women, while each guy has specific flaws and sticking points, I’ve noticed some patterns when it comes to different aspects of game. It’s enough to write a novel. But I am going to keep this article brief and simple. I will touch on 5 common mistakes men make when it comes to texting.

These may not be the most common or crucial mistakes that guys make, but these are some very common mistakes I’ve been seeing a lot in our (rather beautifully growing and active) Ultimate Man Project Mastermind community (see pinned post for details on the special). This won’t be an in-depth guide on how to solve all these issues, but hopefully it’ll make you more aware and identify these mistakes you are making.

#𝟭: 𝗚𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘆

I see guys simply going for the close way too early into the interaction. I wish I could match with a girl or get a girl’s number after a brief interaction and easily get a date without investing or putting in much effort. If it was that easy nobody would be in this community. Of course it happens sometimes.

Perhaps you had a super solid interaction, she already finds you physically very attractive/her type or you were at the right place at the right time it’ll happen once in while. You can ask guys with great game or guys with very high SMV, they’ll even tell you it’s not the norm.

Every guy has number closed a girl after a really great interaction but found themselves pulling out their hair trying to meet her over text. She seemed like she absolutely loved you so you got straight to the point and asked her out. But she gave you some excuse why she can’t meet. Maybe she agreed to the date but eventually flaked. And every time you tried rescheduling she flaked until the point she flat out ghosts you.

Why did this happen? It could be a number of things. It’s up to you to look back at the interaction and pinpoint where you went wrong and what you could’ve done differently to solidify the meet. Usually guys do not demonstrate value. Not in the interaction and not over text. Women do not ghost men they perceive as high value. It’s why I focus so much on DHVing in all areas of my game from text game to night game.

She’s invested very little. I personally don’t think too much about her investment over text because my DHV techniques does the trick for me. But if you didn’t emotionally impact her in any way, it’s very easy for her to simply flake and ghost you. Emotional investment is crucial. You need to make some kind of imprint on her mind emotionally. Even if in doing so you are taking high risks. High risks usually result in strong emotional responses whether it is positive or negative.

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐣𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬:

“𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦?”

“𝘐𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶?”

“𝘐𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳?”

“𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺? 𝘋𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦?”

You can do these things in the interaction or if it’s a Tinder match, over text.

Either way, you should always soft close to gauge whether or not she is truly interested before getting rejected. You never want to get the girl in the habit of saying no or flaking on you. If you don’t know what a soft close is, it looks like this:

𝙔𝙤𝙪: “𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙚?”

𝙃𝙚𝙧: “𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙚!”

𝙔𝙤𝙪: “𝙊𝙠𝙖𝙮 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣…”

𝙃𝙚𝙧: “𝙔𝙚𝙨?”

𝙔𝙤𝙪: “𝙍𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚?”

𝙃𝙚𝙧: “𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙙!”

𝙔𝙤𝙪: “𝙊𝙠𝙖𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩. 𝙒𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙗 𝙖 𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚!”

There’s a huge difference between sending her a text with the restaurant address and time and taking steps toward it. For one you are getting her to agree or say yes and secondly you get to gauge her reaction.

If she says “I don’t know if I’ll ever have time” -- then you know that you have more work to do before going for the close. If she responds with her entire schedule for the week, then it’s likely a done deal.

The next tip ties into this topic.

#𝟮: 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝘂𝗽 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲

This one doesn’t require an entire guide. Women aren’t exactly the best at keeping dates. Especially the younger they get. The past year I’ve mostly dated women from the 18-23 range. I’ve learned that they don’t have the longest attention spans.

Scheduling dates with them a week away almost never worked. Most didn’t even recall ever scheduling anything. But the biggest problem with scheduling something so far ahead is that you have a lot more work in between those days to keep her interested. Also a woman’s mood can change from day to day. If you’re setting up a date a week away with a hot 18 year old college girl, there’s a great chance she’ll flake. Or just forget.

I have a 48 hour rule.

I schedule dates within 48 hours. I typically will bounce the idea around doing x or y the day before before I go for the close the day of (like I said, I fuck a lot of 18-21 year old women, they usually don’t have anything important scheduled, so it is pretty easy to get dates the day of).

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Mastermind member schedule a date a week ahead and actually go on that date. It’s better to just not text her for a week and interact with her the day you want to go for the meet.

...𝐻𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑜 𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑚𝑛 𝑡𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑢𝑑𝑑𝑦.

#𝟯:𝗧𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗻𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁

Don’t be her text buddy. This one is very frustrating to see. For one, it’s frustrating because I have to read my student’s text screenshots that go on forever until my eyes bleed and I fall into a coma.

But the main reason it’s frustrating is because when I ask my members to walk me through the interaction and tell me what they were trying to accomplish in the texts, they usually have no damn clue. Endless amounts of texts and absolutely no purpose or direction.

They think it’s a great thing because she is investing and she is still replying, but in reality they’ve become her texting buddy. They’ve wasted hours on one girl going down the path to friendzoneville. And when they finally go for the meet, she seems almost shocked.

Why?

Because you’ve set and cemented the frame of the relationship already. You and her both accepted this frame. A hole too deep was dug.

If this sounds like you, you need to go over your texts and find points where you could’ve moved the interaction forward. Or where you could’ve sexualized. Or DHV’d yourself. Or where you could have gotten her to qualify herself to you.

I do not have interactions with pointless, endless conversations. I have a purpose in all my communication with women. If I fucked a girl a few times and I want to create and maintain a fuckbuddy frame, then my purpose and focus in the communication will be solely on that.

I’ve also noticed guys that have these kinds of interactions don’t take risks. Sometimes these endless back and forths are a result in being a giant pussy and not showing intent and taking high risks.

If you are in one of these type of interactions right now, do something bold and risk blowing it out. Make being bold and taking risk a habit. Don’t be that pathetic, needy dude clinging on to hope of getting some pussy.

#𝟰: 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆… 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲.

I get way too many guys sending me frantic messages asking for help just to find out she hasn’t responded in 30 minutes. I’ve seen so many guys spam the girl with texts throughout the day with no response from her and asking me how to recover the interaction.

It’s okay to put the phone down for a day…

She isn’t likely going to die in the next few hours or get married and start a family. Calm down. It’s totally okay to wait a day and live to see another day. Spam texting her isn’t taking risks. It’s suicide. And there’s no recovery for being perceived as incredibly needy and desperate. It’s the ultimate turn off for women.

I’d rather play the long game if she is responding sparingly and crack the code of getting her to meet up than being desperate and instantly killing any chance of ever meeting her. High calculated risks are one thing (at least there’s a chance) but desperately spamming her with texts has a 0% chance of ever working.

You should never be only focused on meeting one woman. Go find multiple options and work on creating abundance in your life so you don’t feel the need to cling on to one girl that you just met.

And no, she is not “special” or “the one”. Stop rationalizing your pathetic behavior.

#𝟱: 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘇𝗲𝗿𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁 𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗶𝗻𝗴

This one also relates to #𝟯. If you’ve shown intent and you’ve sexualized the interaction, there’s really only 2 options for her and being her text buddy isn’t one of them. She either rejects your intent and sexualization or she accepts it. It’s important to give women options. It’s normal for women to push back or to flat out reject your advances. And that’s okay. As long as she knows what you want. You can be direct or subtle.

Women appreciate genuine bluntness and directness.

When women have absolutely no clue what you want from her, they will lose interest and they are far more likely to flake on a date. This is something I’ve seen through members and directly from women I’ve met up with.

I recall going through one Tinder date’s matches and conversations. She was talking to a lot of guys. And guys that were by far better looking than me. I asked her why did she meet up with me on the first day of talking and not these other guys that have invested. She answered me very clearly “you knew what you wanted and you straight up told me”.

These other guys weren’t clear in their intentions. She was talking about how she can have different relationships with different men.

If one particular guy wants a relationship, she will go on real dates with the guy and will less likely have sex with him. If one guy wants to be friends, she will take him for his word and place him in that frame. I wanted casual fun and I wanted it only tonight. She appreciated my honesty. However this did cause more issues when I wanted to change the frame to something more regular.

I am more direct and more sexual than most men.

I’ve made it work for me and my directness and bluntness won’t work for everyone. But regardless every man should to some degree sexualize the interaction and relationship and show some intent. This is going to be critical to create the frame that you want. If you don’t do these two things, she is likely to hold the framing power.

There’s a difference between getting a day game number and one from Tinder. To a degree there’s assumed attraction and intent when you’re texting a girl you met from Tinder, a dating and hookup app.

However there’s nothing like that in day game. You’re a random guy and just because she gave her number doesn’t mean there’s any attraction or real interest. So it’s even more important to show your intent and sexualize in the in-person interaction and/or over text. It doesn’t have to be overtly sexual and you don’t need to spell out your intent, but she should get the idea even if it is subtle.

This is not an in-depth step by step guide, but this should help you become more aware of where you could be going wrong. I know a lot of men make these mistakes and the first step is being aware and then evaluating your game so that you can take the first steps to improve your game and increase your chances of getting the date.

If you have any questions about these points, comment below!

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