For context, my girlfriend generally pleases me, and really aims to make our relationship work. She would bake me cookies and bring me tea when exams roll up, she would give me massages, make me these small gifts (e.g. a dreamcatcher when I moved into my new dorm), and buy me thoughtful things (e.g. a white t-shirt when my other one got dirty). She's touchy/clingy in that she always holds my arm and misses me after 1-2 days of not meeting me. But she's not really sexually aggressive or enthusiastic (i.e. she doesn't really feel me up or touch my dick and I'm always the one initiating).

Today. I was getting all the right IOIs. When I entered the fitting room, she asked if she could come in with a cheeky smile. I grabbed her and pushed her to the corner and started making out with her, only hesitating for a brief second to turn my back to lock the curtains.

I was sexually aggressive. I bit her lips as we kissed. I kissed her neck. I grabbed her ass and her tits. I fingered her (she was only slightly moist). She wasn't really touchy (didn't really grab my ass or feel me up until I put her hand on my crotch).

Throughout the makeout session she constantly hesitated saying "we'll get caught!", and "there's kids outside!". I responded with a smile and said "I don't care" and "then let's be quiet" and proceeded feeling her up. I started fingering her (can't tell if she was enjoying it) and grabbed her tits out and pinched her nipples. Eventually I undid my belt and grabbed my dick out, and put her hand there. She had a shocked look but she started pumping me.

At one point she just said "I'm not turned on". Not the first time she's said this (last time was at my house, and another time when we were making out at the park). Her reasoning is that she's not a fan of PDA, her parents didn't bring her up like that (bullshit? or should I respect that?). I didn't stop though, not until I hear our safeword.

I told her to bend over. Twice. But she resisted and said "no" and used her hands to slightly push me away (she had a serious tone, maybe I should've taken her seriously?). Then I told her to get on her knees instead, to which she said "what?!", and I said "you heard me". She didn't, so I grabbed her neck and she started blowing be for like half a minute while sitting down.

She eventually stopped and put her clothes back on and said something like "I'm not feeling it" and that there are people outside. I just gave up eventually, and said "you're no fun" in a disappointed manner. I gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the date, and she sensed that I wasn't happy. I took a breath and reminded myself: whatever, I can get kinky sex elsewhere if I wanted to, no big deal.

Afterward, I told her that I was starting to get bored of her, that our dates aren't really exciting or productive. She assumed that I was pissed because we didn't fuck in the fitting room, but she explained through text that it was because there's kids outside (hamster?). Finally, I just told her firmly that I'm never doing that with her again. If she wants it, she'll have to initiate it next time.

I have a few hesitations here, in reflection, and am wondering where to draw the line:

  1. I was very sexually aggressive. Should I have stopped and been respectful when I sensed her change in tone when she said "no" firmly, or was I right in continuing escalation? (after all, she did give me a blowjob semi-reluctantly).

  2. What is the real reason for her LMR? How do I get her turned on enough so that her emotional hamster overrides her ability for logical thought (fears of getting caught), or is this not possible?

  3. Was I right in playing that small dread game (removing kino from the interaction) afterward to show her my disappointment ? I was genuinely disappointed and I didn't try to hide it.

  4. How could I have handled the situation better?

There are some cases when I doubt whether I should trust myself, or TRP knowledge. For example, there are times when I feel like she was serious and I should respect that, but then the TRP side of me reminds me to treat her like a child and to judge her by her actions not her words.

TL;DR: Got all the right IOIs. Tried to fuck girlfriend in fitting room. She had LMR (was worried getting caught) and said "wasn't feeling it". Eventually I gave up.