Dear TRP community,

I have found out about this sub just days ago. To me, this has been the wake up pill that I was looking desperately for so long. I could not express how much I appreciate the knowledge here. So let me give a little bit of background here being a typical Beta.

I was being taught how to be a "nice" guy since the start. My mom is alpha and my dad plays a more submissive role, ie. beta. Both of them had little dating experiences when they got married (We are Asian) so they teach me very little. All I need to do was to get good grades and get into good universities, and get a good job, and the special soul mate will come to you. I believed them, also the media, other female friends, and became a beta.

After focusing so much on school and got into a professional school, I finally decided I want to get into a relationship. I found this girl, let's call her Julia. Julia was actually very similar to me, focused on school too much to get into professional school and had no dating experience. Since I'm smart (top 5% of the class), I start to help her w/ school stuff as an excuse. We got close and by accident I get to know her mom, and then we get into a relationship because her mom told her that I was a good catch (Now I'm thinking it's probably for her own good). Being a good daughter, Julia agreed and we started a relationship. I was so thrilled because everything was "working" as the script dictates.

I became the definition of white knight: always with her, dinner, movie, soap opera, you name it. I gave up who I am, ditched my friends and she's my world. She's the ONE. She became my only source of intimacy. Her problems became my problem and my problems are still mine. Soon the academic pressure got me and I became needy and clingy, jealous toward her other male friends, and let her make decisions almost all the time. From time to time I get shit test and I thought it's my fault, thinking women are always right. I always have to go extra mile to make her happy, and she became less and less receptive toward me. Eventually we broke up and she wanted to stay as friends. I could not reject her. I was hurt, broken to pieces and staying as "friends" seemed to be temporary solution to my heartache. After breaking up I still see my ex around school from time to time, but I avoided her like a disease because seeing her reminded my old self and those painful histories.

I didn't know how I survived the past few months, but I came though and made new friends. Now I found TRP and everything seemed to make sense. I was furious, furious at others telling me lies. Till this date there are still LJBF using me for my intelligence. I used to want to please everyone because that's what a "Nice" guy does. Fuck this. I am better than all of you. I always wanted to DGAF but I was scared of how others are going to judge me. No more. You can't phase me. This feels good to be back in control of my own life. Thank you.

Question: My ex now avoids me too, I'm fine with it but always get hit by this negative emotion that she hates me now (prob due to my avoidance of her before). I know I should not seek other people's proof for validation, but somehow her presence made me really uncomfortable and down. It felt like I want her to be nice to me. Is this abnormal? Why is this happening to me after I embrace TRP? Do I still have oneitis?

TLDR: took TRP and woke up. How to deal with pre pill ex that causes negative emotion in my head everytime she's around? I could phase out other people, not her, at least not yet.