I went to a dating workshop.

There were only men. They told us about all things dating and a lot about interpersonal things. It was a great experience.  We were all pumped up, there was a lot of energy and a lot of guys found other guys to go out and talk to girls with. 

One result was that I decided to talk to 5 different girls, that I was attracted to, on the street during every lunch break. 

It was very hard to do. I tried to take lunch at 12pm and at 11am, I’d start to get nervous. As I left my building, in the Mission district in San Francisco. I was nervous. Very nervous. I’d see pretty women walking by, and want to talk to them, but make an excuse. I really had to push myself.

But I did.

I liked places where women would be naturally waiting, like the bus stop, a crosswalk or even a cafe / restaurant, especially with outdoor seating. But I had the courage to go inside too. Not even buy anything, either. 

Excuses are the King/Queen of nonaction. It’s easy to think, “Oh I don’t want to bother them, they're in the middle of something, it’s rude…” 

My answer to this is that usually it just takes 60 seconds to 2 minutes and if she’s in the middle of something, she’ll tell you and you can say, “Sorry, take it as a compliment.” “Or say, yeah, sigh, pretty girls are always getting interrupted by hopeful men.” And walk away. Anyways, people don’t get interrupted that often because most people are too scared.

The truth is that in life there are people who Want something and go after it and there’s everyone else.

Which are you?

So I walk up to the bus stop, see a pretty girl and say something to her. But what do I say? Hmmm, Hmmm, Think, Think, Think. What to say? What to say? EEEE! Ehhhhh! 

This may seem easy, you just say ____. It isn’t. 

You can get nervous, freeze up, hesitate. Then you may just stand there. 

Oh no, she sees you standing there. She thinks you're creepy. It’s getting weird. Take out your phone. Pretend you have an important text to send or an important facebook post to like…

Don’t lie.

Most people can get nervous.

What do you do?

Although cliche, I recommend that you start walking up to her and think of what to say or if you can’t think of anything, just say Hi.  It can be called the 3 second rule.

Most people will say hi back. After that, if you still have nothing, you can either say, 

“I saw you and thought you were pretty so wanted to talk to you”  Or,

“Look at that bracelet/necklace/jewelry/clothing item/shoes/whatever where did you get it?”

The important thing is to just go up to her/them and say something: Anything.

Try to get the conversation started. 

If you’re nervous, say it out loud.

“Wow, it’s hard to talk to a stranger on the street.” 

“Actually, you are so pretty, I’m really nervous.”

Now, I can hear some people thinking/saying. Wrong! Don’t say that. Well, I disagree. Usually, by saying it, by calling stuff as it happens, it will make you more confident. It can build rapport with the other person. If they respond negatively and look down on you, forget them. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. 

A lot of girls will give you kudos for starting a conversation with them. They’ll say, “Good job for talking to me, It’s scary.” 

And other people will see you and wish they had the strength to talk to strangers.

Some people will be rooting for you.

Some men will think you are bothering her (If you’re a man and it’s a woman) and will try to be a knight in shining armor and swoop in and save her. 

You will learn how to deal with these misguided Protectors of the Universe. 

I’ve been asked to leave restaurants for “bothering” a table of girls. You’ll figure out how to handle these situations too. 

“It’s totally worth it!”

Anytime you get the courage to walk into a dining establishment and start a conversation with a table full of girls (or guys) as long as you’re respectful, it’s totally worth getting kicked out--if it comes to it.

For women:

As a woman, society may say approaching men is a no no, a Taboo. But, I believe in the age of the Modern, independent woman. If you are a woman who wants to meet men and go on dates, approaching men on the street, in restaurants, at the grocery store, etc. is very efficient. It usually just takes 60 seconds to 2 minutes and you’re already there anyways. 

Many men will be flattered that you said something. Some will be clueless that it’s because you may be interested. But I say go for it! 

Tell your friends, hopefully they’ll support you. You don’t have to be direct with men and say you think they’re good looking, but feel free to try it. 

It could be a question. If you’re at the grocery store, it could be about something in their basket/cart or even a product on the shelf. If it’s at a restaurant, it could be about something on the menu. Try to make it something open ended, maybe a question, because if it’s just a comment, they will just say, “Yeah.” A lot of men like to explain things and get logical--not all. Just remember that just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with going after men, like a classy lady. I’m not suggesting you just grab their ass! It just means you are empowered and a boss!

Let’s consider this a part 1 post and in the next post I’ll talk about what to do when the conversation goes well--because, if it’s on the street, usually time is very limited.

Thanks for reading & looking forward to all comments!

Is there anyone here who talks to random girls/guys outside of just bars/clubs? Anyone who did it frequently?