I've developed feelings for my friend and I don't know how to approach the situation..

LarpDating · 2020-07-04T18:06:08+00:00

Dude, you're really overthinking this. Why would you assume that she would just instantly stop being friends with you if she didn't feel the same way? I think you're more afraid of the possibility of rejection, as opposed to the potential loss of friendship.

If you keep your feelings hidden, the only thing that happens is you drift further and further away from actually building on your pre-existing connection (because you both perceive the relationship in different ways). Waiting and waiting for the perfect moment is the WORST thing you can do. In my opinion (from what you've told me) she would very much be open to a relationship with you. Look at it like this, women want to be in a relationship just as much as men do, and she hangs out with you all the time. The only thing holding you back is a subjective fear of unworthiness. Next time you hangout with her 1 on 1, just tell her you like her, straight up. If she says she likes you too; yay you're in a relationship with a good friend. If she says she doesn't feel the same way; who cares? Just don't make it awkward. You've already wasted 3 years sitting around hiding your feelings because you're scared, don't waste any more time. It could actively be limiting your ability for other opportunities.

That should be the theme of this: other opportunities. It isn't the end of the world if she doesn't like you back. Handling the rejection well could actually be of benefit. People change, feelings change, and nothing stays the same. STOP WASTING YOUR TIME.

_-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ · 2020-07-04T17:58:40+00:00

Sorry. I’ve been there myself. She doesn’t like you in the same way and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I do think you should be open and honest about your feelings, but then you have to move on. Sometimes this means ending the friendship, although not every time.

I know how hard it is to move on from someone you truly have feelings for. I’m working on that myself. Give her some space and try to meet other people.

ralphelv · 2020-07-04T18:16:47+00:00

Look if you think this is something that you can't get out of your head. You may need to bite the bullet and ask, but let her know that you don't want to hurt the friendship y'all made over the years but recently you started to notice that you gain feelings for her in a more relationship bases. Tell her that you just wanted to Express that to her so that you don't hide your recent feelings for her and tell her that you want to give her time to see if she may have potential feelings or she just see you as a friend and tell her that you don't want to lose ya'll friendship and if she needs a lil space that you will be fine with it so that yall don't feel awkward hanging out in the future and it could help give you sometime to move on

RealisticWerewolf9 · 2020-07-04T18:21:12+00:00

Don't do it, it's not worth it. I had a similar experience and tried to make a move on a friend that I knew for a long time and almost lost her. She doesn't like you. Find new people to talk to. If she told you that or didn't have a major reaction when you said you liked someone then she doesn't like you. Think of it this way, risking the friendship means you might not see her again, but you probably will if you're both mature about it. I risked it 3 times and the time where I lost the friendship was cause the girl wasn't mature enough.

7GoodVibes · 2020-07-04T18:24:11+00:00

Confessing feelings is probably the most awkward way to go about it for everyone involved. Everyone is under direct pressure, and if things don’t work out well, everyone is uncomfortable and likely embarrassed.

It’s actually very confrontational, and if she doesn’t like being confronted with heavy subjects like that, it won’t go well.

Probably better off making light jokes or light teasing about it that can easily be played off to test the waters. For example, if she’s says something sarcastic, or complimenting, or just about anything at all, clearly exaggerating with something like “You say that like you have a crush on me.”, “Wait a minute, are you hitting on me?”, “ Settle down there, you’re going to give me the naughty thoughts.”

Go as mild and tame or as wild and extreme as what is more natural to you. Don’t try to be cool, be natural.

Don’t overdo it. One or two times is enough to see how she reacts. If she doesn’t respond in return, it gets annoying and weird.

You could, as an alternative, play a game of pretend we’re dating. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date a friend? Like with us, what would we do together and how much more could I possibly annoy you? Or I bet you’d wear the pants in the family.”

Being self deprecating has an advantage of taking the edge of here. Just make sure it’s natural for you and keep it light and fun.

thepastelanon · 2020-07-04T18:30:58+00:00

You're in danger.

One thing to be wary of: many girls want to have a beta as a "BFF", so that they can rely on you for the (emotional and practical) support that she can't get for her ideal alpha. Eventually they may concede you some sex, or even a relationship, but be wary that they'll eventually kick you out and while they don't do it, they'll never be true: they'll always remaining focusing on the next one unless you apply PUA eternally.

I've been abused by my friendliness for long and long years, by more than one person. Probably nothing much new to you guys, but in a case I was abandoned for the lack of capacity of raping someone.

So the recommendation now is never let a girl that you have any kind of interest become a "BFF". As soon as your turning friends, put the cards on the table. Or take her only as a friend.

quinnmcd · 2020-07-04T20:36:17+00:00

This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:

A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it belongs in AskSeddit.

No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.

For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person are fine as field should be directed to Ask Seddit (/r/askseddit), not to be confused with Ask Reddit.

6749sweet · 2020-07-04T20:44:11+00:00

Don't think. Take action. The outcome will be the outcome.

Don't confess your undying love. Keep it casual.

"So there's something I'd like to bring up. We've been close for awhile now and I've developed some feelings for you. Is that something you'd be open to explore?"

Boom! That's it now go!

Title	I've developed feelings for my friend and I don't know how to approach the situation..
Author	amiathrowaway13
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	July 4, 2020 5:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hl7aw1/ive_developed_feelings_for_my_friend_and_i_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-developed-feelings-for-my-friend-and-i-dont.1498202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1498202

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