I've got a few friends who are average looking, who aren't particularly funny, charismatic, eloquent...aren't anything really ... yet they seem to do well with the ladies. They obviously have some sort of kryptonite and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that it was just raw confidence.

The confidence to act in a way that says 'you're cute, life's short, I'm going to take you home and give you a good time tonight' or 'you seem like a genuine girl with ambition and a good head on your shoulders - I'm going to delve deeper by getting to know you over coffee next week' or 'you think I'm too short and pudgy? fair enough... can't blame me for shooting my shot. A t least now I don't have to live in regret' or 'yeah... why the hell wouldn't I start chatting to you in the line at the grocery store?' and so on.

So it's not just a façade of confidence but on a deeper level. Being unapologetically oneself.

I spent years wondering what I was doing so fundamentally wrong - why they could find relationships with relative ease, why they could go out and oftentimes come home with a cute girl.... whilst I was taller, more muscular, funnier, more intelligent blah blah yet somehow girls couldn't see that!?? Maybe I needed to work on my verbal game, my physical escalation... maybe I wasn't disqualifying them enough.....

Well I was doing something fundamentally wrong.

I was never truly expressing my sexual attraction, never asking out to coffee, never asking if they want to come back for a drink... never being vulnerable and putting myself in a position to face rejection like friends were. And in the broader scheme of things whilst they had some savage rejections, this method of never trying just leaves you feeling resentful toward yourself for pissing away so many opportunities.

Moral of the story - Go after what you want.