I read this recent post with amusement. In it, the post says

But if [you] ... don't have your identity and self-esteem dependent on whether women like you, it makes you less needy and you get better results.This was one reason the PUA movement failed. Those men needed women to like them to validate their identity, and this desperation made things a lot harder for them.

The poster obviously doesn't know that he's parroting exactly what PUAs have been teaching for decades. Apparently, these concepts like outcome independence and non-neediness have become so ingrained among the general population that some people don't even know those concepts originated from the PUA community.

It's like the people who want "government" out of their "social security." The dude is spouting PUA facts while denouncing PUA, lol.

The part that bothers me about his post is the implication that PUA treat women like objects instead of people, or that PUA do what they do because they're trying to impress people.

It seems there are a lot of misconceptions about PUA, which I'll try to correct.

Although there are a lot of bad apples in the PUA community, just like many communities, the masters of the PUA craft become masters precisely because they treat women well, not because they treat them poorly. The goal of PUA is to give both parties what they're looking for. PUA love women and are pro-women. They're sex positive and you'll never see a real PUA slut shaming women.

Girls want attractive guys, not unattractive guys. The key misconception seems to be that PUA guys trick women into thinking they're attractive when they're not.

No. PUA is not about pretending to be attractive or tricking girls. It's about BECOMING attractive. This is why PUA works even if the girl knows what you're doing. Even if she knows you're negging her, she finds it attractive. It's like fake boobs. Even when you know it's fake, you like it.

That's why you know it's not a trick. If it were a trick, then girls who know you're using PUA will get turned off. That doesn't happen. Even if she knows it, it works. I can't tell you how many times a girl laughed and asked me, "are you negging me?" and then went home with me that night. Guys who say negging doesn't work aren't doing it right. What we call negging girls call banter. For a great example, look at this clip: https://youtu.be/QQWyeLLMwmo which starts with a classic type of neg.

It's similar to guys who work out and get ripped. Even if the girl knows he did that do attract girls, it doesn't matter. Because muscles make him more attractive. Period.

Similarly, a guy who becomes confident through PUA becomes more attractive. A guy who stops being needy through PUA becomes attractive. If you're working on becoming less needy right now, you're practicing PUA.

Some of you might argue that becoming non-needy is not PUA. To which I reply, go read PUA literature about non-neediness. It's an entire sub-genre. You see that before PUA identified it as a critical success factor, there is almost nothing written about it.

So let me give you a small history lesson.

Before pickup, the standard advice given to men about women was:

  1. Be yourself.
  2. Shower the girl with affection. Demonstrate how much you need her. Show her you can't live without her. Even worse, tell her how much you need her.
  3. Buy girls lots of drinks. More money you spend on her, more impressive you will look.

etc. etc.

Be yourself is good advice but the problem is that before pickup, guys thought that meant be the nicest version of yourself and be a simp.

PUA masters are themselves around girls. Their authentic selves. They disagree with the girl if they disagree. They tell her to take a hike if she's 30 minutes late. They don't simp.

When PUA started, they looked to see what guys who were great with girls, the naturals, did, and just copied them. This is why it makes me laugh when guys say guys who are naturals don't use PUA techniques. Dude, the PUA techniques are exactly the same as what naturals use because it's cut-and-paste of how naturals act.

Now, PUA has evolved a lot over the last 30 years. At the beginning, people used set routines without even knowing why it worked. Now there is a fairly comprehensive intellectual framework and those who understand it don't rely on routine much any more, they can freestyle.

The take-away is this: PUA works really well. It's a skill that takes a lot of work to master. When done right, you become someone who makes girls happier. The only way to become great at PUA is to become a better (more confident, more empathetic, wittier, more outgoing) person. Think of PUA as the way to become more attractive and a better person.

Personally, PUA has worked great for me. I've gone from AFC (average frustrated chump) to being able to approach, and have a decent shot with, almost any girl. I'm a happier, confident, better person and my relationships with girls have become richer and healthier.