Warning: As always, these are my thoughts and yours might differ! Please share your experiences in the comments so we could get a useful discussion going where everybody wins :)
So, this is how it goes - you want to meet new girls but it doesn't seem to work out - girls are not either interested or see you only as a friend. You ask your mom, sister, good female friend what you should do or how to act before a date/when asking a girl out etc.. and the answer, like everybody knows, is always the cursed "just be yourself, if she doesn't like you then she isn't right for you." etc..
Then you get frustrated because well.. for fcks sake.. I HAVE been myself all this time and being "myself" doesn't work or else I would have a great dating life/girlfriend.
This is the paradox of the advice "just be yourself" - it is 100% correct advice and at the same time it is the most destructive and useless advice ever.
The thing is - you don't know "who you are" or what is it like to "be yourself" - your mother knows you, she has seen you your whole life, she knows about your quirks, what your humor is like, how you behave when you are happy and also how you deal with stuff when you are sad etc. The same can be said about your sister or very good female friend.
When they say "be yourself" they mean be that person who you are when you are together with people with whom you are comfortable with. Be THAT version of yourself.
How men misinterpret this advice however is that "well.. I am nervous as shit, I am in a shit mood, depressed and angry at times.. I don't really like talking to people and in general I have no interest in trying to better myself, make my life more awesome or doing anything at all. I am "being myself" - why can't I get girl? This advice is BS, it must be all about looks and money".
Is this "being yourself"? Yes.. it is.. but it is a version/side of yourself. People have many different sides. Is this side attractive? Probably not. Is it the end of the world and you are doomed now? Also not.
A lot of people got sad/mad when I posted the "Signs of male insecurity women hate" post because they felt like if they are nervous then women hate it and now they can't get girls. THIS IS FALSE!
First of all, these are general guide lines (and my opinions) but also there is a very important difference between "being yourself and super nervous" and "being yourself, super nervous but at the same time accepting that you are nervous and doing what you want to do regardless of fear".
It's okay if you are nervous, it's okay if you don't know what to say, it's okay to break every "rule" in the book. The answer is "owning it" and doing stuff regardless of your "disadvantages".
Being "yourself" is doing things you want to do even if it's scary and others might not approve of you (no, I am not talking about breaking the law or some stupid ass thing like that).
Being yourself is saying that funny joke you like even if there is the possibility that others don't.
Being yourself is saying what's on your mind when something is troubling you even if it might be a bit embarrassing.
Being yourself is standing for your values when everybody else is calling you stupid.
Being yourself is FREEDOM!
Anyways...
If you liked this post and want to become better at talking to/flirting with girls in real life or online then our sticky thread is the BEST place to start from!
It has ALL the basics you will need to ACTUALLY get better so I highly suggest reading that!
Comment down below to share your opinions - I am always ready for discussion :)
[–]AlenSplico 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link