To the men who are successful (off topic)

Grand-Juggernaut6937 · 2024-04-22T01:00:55+00:00

Honestly you have to drink the PJ. Learn to make yourself as liberal and feminine as you can when it suits your career. Swallow your pride and regurgitate all that feminist nonsense when you have to. All the guys do it, and very few of them actually believe what they’re saying.

Make sure you look good and talk good. Aesthetics are way more important to women so if your hiring team has a woman you need to do what will get you hired. Being attractive to them is one of the most important factors in how competent they see you as. It’s absolutely unfair but this is just how it works.

Third, we have to work harder to attain the same level of success everywhere you go. When you see your female teammates slacking remember that they have safety nets that you don’t have. In a fair fight the company will fire you before them every single time.

Don’t waste your time on achievement awards or glossy “leasership” initiatives. These have turned into advertising for how many excellent women your organization has. They’re not worth a minute of your time anymore, earn your salary, build relationships, and bust your ass to get a better job.

And try to get close to women you work with when you’re on easy assignments, and distance yourself on hard assignments. They really do get hired to make the hiring statistics look better so if they were as competent as you, they’d be your boss. If they slack and drag down a project, you’re the one that’s going to take the blame.

CordCarillo · 2024-04-21T23:26:10+00:00

Judging from that wall of text; you were severely discriminated against in academia.

I stand out by having better communication skills, better industry based skills and knowledge, being more personable, friendly, and remaining professional at all times.

I also continually improve on my knowledge and skill set through continued education, so I stay current on new means and methods.

lawott2 · 2024-04-23T11:18:52+00:00

People can lead dramatically different lives depending on their choices, so take any advice like this with a grain of salt. I am a business owner, charity founder, and work with international health authorities. I've also worked for one of Europe's most profitable medical companies and made pretty good money doing so. I'm currently in contact with editors to publish my first book and scientific article this year.

My background is working class and I felt extremely intimidated by/alienated from higher education as a young man. I also started in a female-dominated degree in the humanities and went on to female-dominated workplaces in medicine and charity. I can't say I ever really felt like I was at an advantage as a young man, other than that my parents were still married, had a modest terraced house, and were mostly on my side. It was still on me to learn all these new systems (academia, the workplace, navigating all manner of bureaucracies) entirely by myself. No friends or family had experience with this.

It's hard to break all that down into generalisable lessons, since individual paths can be so erratic, but I'll try.

Do what you're doing now and seek to learn from other's experiences. Back in my early 20s, I read widely, and as much as I could. I got a lot from autobiographies of people I admired, especially those that were explicitly both frank and political. People can embellish, but there are usually nuggets of information, general impressions, moral and behavioural principles. These all serve as little signposts for finding your own way.
A good mentor will have the power to pull levers in your favour, but a great mentor will do that and also be honest with you. Candidness from others is extremely valuable when it comes to figuring out what you want to do with your own life. Listen and allow people to confide in you, be trustworthy and be interested in what they have to say.
I still resent the inherent unfairness and necessity of money, but it is currently the most practical way to do anything. To be blunt: money walks, bullshit talks. When I made a plan to move country in my mid-twenties, I put together a big spreadsheet of all the things I'd need to do to achieve it. Work job A, calculate earnings versus expenditure, save this much money. Over time, the spreadsheet took on more functions as a monthly planner, a career planner (take educational course B when you can afford the enrolment fee in 8 months, etc.). Money is not the end, but the means: it's your plane ticket, your apartment, your qualification.
Every new workplace is a new culture. The faster you can understand that new culture, the more quickly you can adapt and decide what you want to get out of being in it. Many workplaces are insidious and dysfunctional just below the surface, and people will try to suck you in, but if you see it coming you can be prepared to navigate the politics -- or avoid them altogether.
The work you do outside of your "job" is the most important work you will do. I have personally had zero faith in "rising through the ranks". News articles attempting to shame younger generations for "job-hopping" are the peak of hypocrisy. This is your right within a "market", and your ultimate loyalty is to making the best use of your skills in a manner which you determine as a free citizen. Always try to explore outside of your job, take part-time courses, develop skills outside your field, seek secondments, have a plan to switch jobs if necessary, start and commit time to your own projects. This is not a question of loyalty, but a question of leverage to act freely within your own life.
About mental health, the truth is I've had at least two long and dark periods of my life. There was a lot of anger at the absurdity and unfairness. I took care to try and not lash out at people during that time, but ultimately we've made this ascent for young men extremely lonely, by design. The only real advice I can give on this is to understand the situation and protect yourself. Exercise (usually alone) helped a lot, a habit that's stayed with me to this day. Avoiding drink and drugs were also a part of this self-protection. Fathers can happily watch their sons to die for "honour", mothers can exploit their kids, friends can alternately sing your praise and shit-talk, and girlfriends can drop you in a heartbeat. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness. It is the greatest and scariest freedom I've ever known, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Good luck.

firesparxx · 2024-04-22T03:04:34+00:00

I'm a VP in a technology company. Currently at around $650k total compensation. Generally speaking, I follow the 48 laws of power.

Use your enemies, keep others dependent on you, say as little as possible, take credit for others' work, control all the options, don't take sides, create a cult following, never outshine your boss, don't get your hands dirty, etc...

Law #14 is particularly relevant in this context: When you know your opponents' secrets, you can predict their behavior and control them.

Ok-Switch9383 · 2024-04-21T23:21:58+00:00

What do you mean successful? I am successful, own a house, have a small nest egg, and stuff like that in the end.

Title	To the men who are successful (off topic)
Author	Jazzlike-Ad-7266
Upvotes	19
Comments	7
Date	April 21, 2024 5:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1c9ny08/to_the_men_who_are_successful_off_topic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/to-the-men-who-are-successful-off-topic.1515935 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515935

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